Seeing in the Dark

The Void is a wild place. I’ve been here many times. It’s the space between the end and the beginning. It’s when you’ve completed one journey but you’re sitting in the waiting room of your next one. It’s when you’re ready for another level but you're wandering purgatory, anticipating the breakthrough that's going to release you. It’s the hallway before the next room. That dark period in the early hours of the morning before the sun creeps over the horizon.

It's the almost but not quite. The constant work day in and day out, but nothing is moving. It’s knowing that at any moment something has got to give, but instead it's just constant disappointment. It’s the long winded battle, knowing at any moment someone is going to wave the white flag. Somewhere up ahead there is victory, but yet it’s nowhere in sight.

These are the learning periods. The moments when we’re being molded into the next version of ourselves. This is where we are being prepared for our new reality. Where the upgrading is taking place to get us ready for what is yet to come. In the waiting is where we learn resilience, patience, and determination. This is where our grit leads us to where we are meant to be. This is when purpose tests us to see how far we are willing to go, and how hard we are willing to fight for what is destined for us.

It’s a place where we are left with ourselves. There’s no choice but to go deep. To pull out any left over bullshit that we haven't looked at yet. It’s when we are supposed to shut out the world and allow the traps to resurface so we can begin to sift through them. It’s where all the good habits we’ve established start to fail, and all the bad habits come crawling back into their original place. Where we allow it to consume us or we fight back.

The void is scary to those who have never experienced it. Even scarier to those who have spent their whole lives running from it. I can not say that I anticipate each visit, but when it comes back around, I’ve learned to lean into it. Sometimes I get carried away too far before I’m able to bring myself back again. Sometimes there is this continuous back and forth before I am able to get a hold of reality. Occasions when I become so consumed in it that I start to drown. But I have been here many times, and regardless of how many times I am pulled too far in, the strength to remain afloat somehow increases.

I’m pretty far down at this point but I’m not panicking this time around. The deep end is usually where I have my greatest revelations. As I sit and wait for the pain to process, as I practice patience until my next big break, I understand that my metaphorical mind muscles are strengthening with each attempt to make it to the surface. In the dark, my eyes are adjusting. I am beginning to see clearly without the light. The quiet is freeing me from distractions. I'm slowly shifting into the next phase.

The Void isn't for the weak. Some become consumed by it, not utilizing it’s properties to ascend, to strengthen, to grow. I can not say that I welcome it with open arms. It still drives me to near insanity at times. I can admit that I resist it as long as I can when I feel it coming on. I am learning that just prolongs it and its inevitable. I’ve made a second home of it. It’s not ideal, and far from a retreat or a vacation. It’s more of a bootcamp. It’s where you put in the work. It’s where you’ll get carried away if you don’t take it seriously. It’s also learning to give yourself the freedom to accept that it sucks. It requires so much of your energy that at times you're forced to reserve it. Regardless of how hard you try to climb back up, or how eager you are to get back on that wagon of good habits and movement forward, if the Void believes you still have learning to do, it is going to continue to teach you.

You can ignore it, try to escape it and spend your life running from it,but it's coming for you. It will consume you piece by piece until it kills you or gets you to listen. If you are the ones asking yourself “what Void” then the chances of you surviving it are slim. You can do your best to deny it but it has already made its way into the cracks of your ignorance. You don't stand a chance.

I am by no means an expert. Sometimes I am pretty far in before I realize that I am dealing with another Void. I am learning how to maneuver through them more efficiently with each run. I have yet to establish a manual or a play book but I’ve acquired enough experience to be pretty close. Maybe that will be the inspiration that develops from the result of this current situation. My only advice to you is do the best you can to ride it out. Do the homework when you can, and rest when you need to. Understand that you’re unlocking the next level and when this is over, you’ll understand why it was needed.