Lindsey Altom
Bio
For me, writing runs in the blood. I've written songs, poems and short stories ever since I was a little girl. I mostly like to write about my life experiences mixed with a little fiction or just things that come off the top of my head!
Stories (68/0)
She's Autistic...
"She's autistic...she has adhd too." They whisper behind her back as if she isn't standing but a foot away and as if autism somehow makes her deaf as well. She takes a deep breath and keeps walking. It would do no good to confront them. Their small ignorant minds couldn't handle the truth anyway. But still...she carries their words with her. Like a backpack that has too much weight to bear it's just one more thing she adds to her pack of things that float around in her head and that's just the tip of the iceburg. Most people don't know she has these what they call learning disabilities because she doesn't want people to know. Her mother made a large enough deal out of it by taking her to all those doctors. She knows that her mother just wanted to find out why she couldn't understand her studies the way she did when she was young. Why she was so stupid? Oh she'd never say that out loud...her mother didn't have to. That much was implied. Smart people didn't make C's, D's and F's like she did. On top of that she saw the way people looked at her since the diagnoses. These pills didn't help either. And that doctor literally told her mother that he could tell she had asperger's because she wouldn't make eye contact with him. After that, she was sure to look at him directly in his eye the duration of the visit. Idiot...as if just by not looking at a person you can identify what "disabilities" one may or may not have. "What's wrong with you?" That was a good one too. She'd heard that one on more than one occasion. "I'm not sure. What is wrong with me?" She'd think. "Is my brain broken and unfixable?" So she took to hiding it. She wouldn't tell a soul about her dual diagnoses unless she was forced to. That way she would appear "normal". She could blend in and at least out in a public of her peers be seen as just one of them. That was what she hoped for at least but she was different...in several ways. She did show signs of social awkwardness just because the "normal" ways of doing things in this world of social hierarchy made no sense at all to her. Humans are fascinating creatures but they were viewed as more of a science experiment to her rather than something to truly want to fit in with...of course she wanted friends and had a sense of not wanting to be alone but the general way people carried out life was baffling to her. It made no sense. So therefore she stood out. She had certain sensitivities that others did not. And the anxiety and depression was a real beast. She also as previously mentioned did not learn the way others did. Her brain was most certainly unique in many ways but unfortunately she saw it as a curse. Eventually, a nice young man taught her that her mind was stronger than she knew and that she could overcome her own faults and not need her medication and so she stopped. Throwing that medication down the drain was so very satisfying. For the first time she was doing something on her own and taking control and no one was any wiser. Things were hard though, harder still...her brain was a relentless bucking bull that she had to learn how to tame. The verbal assaults from everyone around her minus a scarce few were not easy to take either. Words were constantly thrown about like stones as if they didn't matter. Once she was told, "Do you think since you took all that medication as a kid that that could be what's wrong with you?" "No, no, I don't think that has anything to do with it at all." was all she managed to say after incredulously staring at this man she thought loved her for a full minute before responding. Now, I'm proudly proclaiming to have Asperger's and ADHD and am a stronger person because of it. Today, however, I was told my beautiful, perfect baby girl needs to be tested for a possible learning disability and my heart sank. I'm not going to lie...I cried. I worry for her, no mother wants their child to go through what they did and I like many of us have went through Hell. However, she is not me and she will be taught to be loud and proud of who she is no matter the outcome. Children and life can be harsh but she will and we will outshine them all!!!
By Lindsey Altomabout a year ago in Humans
The Day She Flew...
Running, that's all she's ever known. There's something or someone that is chasing her and she is trying to get away; she must reach freedom. She cannot let the bad get her, it cannot reach her or it will consume her. So she's running and all of a sudden she takes flight and she's flying around this room in this dark, danky warehouse. She's flying as hard and as high as she can but it's just not high enough or far enough and soon the gnarled, twisted hand will reach her and grab her. She'll be smothered out, her light eternally put into darkness. She's getting tired and can't go on much further so she frantically searches for an open door or window somewhere. A crack big enough for her to fit through, something anything so she can escape. She's hitting her head and bumping her wings on the ceiling and on the low hanging lights that are in the warehouse, about to give up even though she knows she can't but what is she to do? When suddenly there is a broken window she hasn't spotted before and even though the bad is grabbing at her, gnashing it's teeth at her she darts towards her only chance at freedom. She makes it but just barely. She's suddenly blasted with a light so bright she momentarily cannot see but she keeps flying. The bad is right on her tail and it's going to get her she can feel it. She can almost see it's face so she flys faster and harder hoping to get away. She tries to fly higher but she just can't seem to fly any higher than it's grasp. She fly's through the trees at an angle and zooms over pools of water. Suddenly, she starts to notice more and more the beauty that surrounds her and suddenly she realizes that the bad thing is gone. It has vanished beneath her. Suddenly, with a burst of energy she soars ever higher towards the big blue sky with the white puffy clouds. She's always wanted to explore the sky so up, up, up she goes. It's so very blue the further up you go. Everything down below just appears as a speck; a small nothing if you will as if all that bad that loomed over her just moments before wasn't all that terrifying after all. It was as it turned out just a bit of nothing. It turns out that your troubles may all be about perspective. The closer you are they seem quite large and looming but the further away you get they seem small and not so troublesome. Even the mountains seemed but a speck from this height. She decided after a time to swoop in a little closer though and there she saw the white snowy caps on the mountains high. The deer, squirrels and other woodland creatures rooming about in the forest going about their day. She saw a mama wolf stopping by a creek with her pups for some fresh mountain creek water. There was so much more beauty really than all the bad that had been chasing her all her life. As it turned out all she had to do was look at things from a different perspective and by spending a day in the sky above she had realized this was true. She found that she particularly liked the forest and so it was there that she decided to find her respite. She found an old tree that had clearly been around for some years and there was already a hollowed out hole in the old tree so she quickly gathered some twigs and things for her nest and settled in for the night. She was so tired. What would tomorrow bring? Would she still be able to take flight? If so, where oh where should she go?
By Lindsey Altomabout a year ago in Fiction
Judging Eyes...
Chapter 1: From the day I was born almost before I've been judged. My mother was sixteen when she had me and somehow in some people's eyes that was my fault. My parents conceived me out of holy wedlock and that was my fault too I suppose. As if I asked for this life. The doctor asked my mother when she learned of my conception if she'd like to abort me after all she was only fifteen at the time. Thankfully, she said no and left that doctor's office. I often wonder if she has ever regretted that decision. Not that she'd ever admit to that. So, my untimely birth occurred and by the time I was three my parents had grown apart so to speak and had fought their way to a divorce. If you ask my mother she'd say she outgrew him even though she was younger than him and that they just weren't a good match which that much is true. If you ask my father he'd say she likely cheated on him and nowadays has realized she's likely a narcissist. I honestly can't say either statement to be untrue. In kindergarten I was judged by my teacher because my parents were sinners. I was always in trouble because of various reasons. I wouldn't be still during naptime, I wiggled too much on the rug during story time, I talked too much...etc. Any little thing and I got sent to the storage closet with the door shut. I'm told my mother did go up there to fight for me on my behalf. Shortly thereafter my step dad came into the picture and he became both my savior and the instigator to my mother's insanity. My life living with my mother was pure Hell and there is really no other way to describe it. Until I was eleven years old which is when my first half sister was born I was the only thing she focused on it seemed to me. I had to have the perfect outfit, the perfect hair but the main things that I remember to be troubling is the fact that I was not as good in school as she was and she simply could not understand why. And for the life of me, I could not live up to her expectations. She wanted A's and maybe a few B's; I brought home an occasional B but mostly C's and sometimes D's. That was simply not good enough. There must be something amiss! She would exclaim. For some reason your brain doesn't understand. So...my brain was...is....broken? Her judgments of what a daughter, her daughter should look like failed her. I had brown hair and brown eyes like my father and I've always thought I reminded her too much of her own sins. Of the judgments she received from everyone because I wasn't blond hair and hazel eyes like her and I looked more so like my father and his side of the family her sins were harder to hide. She couldn't take the eyes on the back of her head in the pew at church or the whispers in the grocery store coming from the other aisle. Did you hear...? People always whisper and look at you as if you aren't even there. I received those stares and whispers too. Then, to make matters worse I was not as smart as her in school and struggled quite a bit. I was socially awkward too and although I did have a handful of friends making them was clearly not my strong point. I was not much like her at all and that was distressing I suppose. We fought a lot...mostly about school at first. I'm told when I was very young she and I actually somewhat got along but when school started and it was made apparent I was not the child she asked God for, she'd been cheated somehow the fights began. Or maybe it's that she never really wanted me to begin with seeing as she was so young and then I was so...different... and she so young and she didn't know what to do with me or how to be my mother. Maybe it's both...either way things did not go as they should have. She, under the guise of helping me, started taking me to doctor after doctor to sort out what was wrong with me and why couldn't I understand my school work? Why did she and I stay up until midnight almost nightly trying to get my homework done? Why was every session of homework a screaming match? Why when I didn't get my spelling words right could she not make me understand? Why was math so hard for me that I had taken to cheating just to please her? Just so she would think I understood. This was back in the 90's and diagnosing everyone with ADD was quite popular so finally that is the diagnoses we got and so began my journey with Ritalin, Adderall, etc. And oh what a fun journey that was....
By Lindsey Altomabout a year ago in Families
The Broken Girl...
The mirror showed a reflection that wasn't my own. This girl she looked similar to me but her hair was darker and her eyes were bloodshot and red. She had blood coming from every orifice and pouring from what appeared to be slit wrists at her sides. Her hair was matted and she looked as if all the blood had been drained from her body as she was so ghostly pale. I gasped...surely this was not what I had become? I tried to think back to the night before...vague memories surfaced. More and more as the days went on my brain would not function and I could not remember things that had just happened. I remembered he was drunk again(damn that liquor) and shouting again. Had he actually hit me this time? I couldn't recall... I looked to my wrists and they weren't bleeding. I feel my eyes and nose frantically searching for the blood coming from my reflection's eyes and nose. There was none to be found and then the most horrific thing of all happens... she smiles at me and tilts her head. The broken girl I'll call her, my reflection she has her head tilted in an unnatural angle and she laughs. She is laughing of all things! How mad is this broken girl!? Wait, is she laughing at me? So, mustering up my courage I ask her..."What exactly is so funny?" Still laughing the broken girl says, "You don't know who I am do you?" I say, " Well, of course not." Broken girl- "My dear, I am fear. Your fear specifically." Suddenly, she lunges out of the mirror and into my world. I take several steps back but I do not scream lest I wake him. I'm not sure which is more frightening at this point the broken girl or the man in my bed. After several moments, I manage to ask her..."What do want? Why are here?" She cocks her head in that unnatural way of hers towards the man in my bed and says but one word..."Run." It's not that I hadn't thought of running before of course and I certainly didn't need a horrific looking broken girl coming out of my mirror to tell me this but when she said this I felt a conviction in my chest like I'd never felt before... The broken girl then looks to me and says, " I am your reflection if you stay. Stay if you wish to die. You get one warning." and with that she steps back into the mirror. I look at the mirror and suddenly the reflection is my own again but shockingly I notice I have a nose bleed. I reach up to see if this is true or another reflection trick of the broken girl but when I draw back my hand it is covered in blood. I need no further time or thought. I gather a few items for myself and my children and leave. I cannot let this man break me and I cannot become the broken girl in the mirror. He has tried so hard to break me, I question everything I do. The sad thing is that most of the time he doesn't even have to lift a hand to me. The words that come from his tongue lashings where I am called a spoiled conceited brat, bi-polar, toxic and compared to several things which are considered close to dirt I feel the sting of each word as if it were a slap to my face or a stab in my back. Somedays I wish he would just hit or stab me so we could get this damn thing over with but alas after the lashings he then tells me he loves me. This doesn't feel like love anymore. It feels broken. Months later...in a new home happy and getting healthy me and my children are doing better but...where I can't see he may be lurking. Watching, waiting, stalking, awaiting his chance to pounce again on what he sees as his prey and then I would have to ask will this ever be over? Will the broken girl come back to take me to her world?
By Lindsey Altomabout a year ago in Horror
The Wise Old Owl
There once was a wise old owl who had many scars and many ruffled feathers from his younger years where he had traveled and learned many things from the world. Now he was tired but with the knowledge he had learned he came back to his home forest and made the biggest nest in the largest tree and that is where all the forest animals came to visit him for advice, tea or just to rest in the very large and welcoming nest of their neighbor Mr. Owl. He would share stories of his youth and help whoever he could help with advice of what he had learned along the way. One day, it was a beautiful Spring day when all the other young forest animals were out finding mates but he saw a young doe on the forest floor. She called up to him, "Mr. Owl...Mr. Owl?" so he flew down to greet her. Perching on a nearby branch he said "Yes, my dear. Hhhooww do you dooo?" The young doe then began to cry saying, "Oh, Mr. Owl! I've tried to find love and I just can't! The first buck abandoned me and left me in the cold. The second treated me lovely for a time but then turned cold and heartless. Is it me? Will I ever find love? What do I do? Is there such a thing as forever?" Mr. Owl old and wise as he was took his time in answering and let the young doe cry her tears then said "There, there child...tell me. When you go by the water's edge whose reflection is it that you see?" Puzzled the young doe answered "Well,...mine." Mr. Owl said, "Yes, and so you see that is where you must first find love. Once you have learned and loved all the parts of you then you can love another truly. You also begin to realize that perhaps those other bucks who left you lonely and abandoned and treated you poorly were lacking something within themselves." The young doe stood dumbfounded a moment then asked, "So, what should I do Mr. Owl?" Mr. Owl smiled broadly then said, "Live, love freely, give to others but only when you feel your cup is full enough to do so but most of all love yourself and love your Creator." The young doe felt very enlightened by this and more hopeful but still sad that the other two loves had not worked out. She said Mr. Owl, " I just wish I knew why things went the way they went. Could I have done anything differently?" Mr. Owl pulled out his pipe, lit it up and began to smoke on it a bit and said "My dear young doe you are dwelling on the past and the what if's and that will never do. Nothing good will come of that. If the Creator means for growth to happen and change happens in one or both of you and one of your ex lovers and the Creator sees fit you be together again it will be but until then the focus should be on the present and yourself. You should focus on whoo you are... answer that question and then you may return to old Mr. Owl for some tea and biscuits." The young doe still seemed a bit perplexed but she understood his meaning and said "Thank you Mr. Owl as you've been most helpful today in setting my feet on the straight and narrow." But by the time she had got done speaking Mr. Owl had begun to fly away already saying "Your welcome my dear and goodbye for noww." She smiled and the first thing she did was go to the creek which was close to Mr. Owl's tree and watch her reflection for a while as she sat and pondered the many things of life and suddenly she smiled as she knew what she must do next. She would frolic and play and love and live and let romance come to her if it so wished.
By Lindsey Altomabout a year ago in Families