Have You Been Giving Your Power Away?

The phrase: “giving your power away” never resonated with me. Perhaps it is the semantics. Or perhaps it was the stage of life that I was in when I first had this phrase thrown at me by a well-meaning friend. At the time I was in the depths of despair in an abusive relationship with a narcissist. My friend told me I was giving my power away.

In my mind I thought, I am not giving anything away- he is taking it!

Since then, I have come to realize that the power I have is my energy, my values, and my sense of self.

Energy goes where attention flows.

Narcissists hijack your attention. They will suck up your energy to the point where you are left feeling powerless, exhausted, irritable, and completely unlike yourself. The narcissist drains you of your life force while stifling your ability to refill. You spend so much time trying to figure the narc out, to make sense of the confusion, and there is little left of you for anything wholesome.

They take away your power. Or you give it to them. It’s a matter of perspective.

I never understood what people meant by “giving your power away”. What does that mean? What power? When I think of power I think of kings and queens; witches and warlocks; high-profile politicians/ government officials- not “regular” people.

“What power did I have and when did I hand it over?” I wondered.

Personal power.

• Autonomy, empowerment, direction, drive, healthy boundaries, a say-so, taking ownership of your life.

• Your personal participation and direction that guides your experience of life. You are the captain of your own ship.

How you use your personal power.

• Your personal power comes from your deep core value system. This is essentially how you think, feel, and act.

• Claim your personal power to live a peaceful life according to your values. Stay strong. Take a deep breath. Refuse to play into the narc’s game.

• Protect your power, which is essentially to say, protect your energy. Abusers notoriously wear their victims down, making them easier targets to control.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

• Gaslighting, blame-shifting, stonewalling; manipulation. Identify abuse tactics and refuse to accept this abusive behavior in your life.

• Be your own guard dog. With no expectation, be observant. You are ready to maintain your boundaries.

Your powerlessness makes the narcissist feel more powerful.

• Abusers want you to feel powerless and dependent on them. Narcs deliberately perform a series of manipulation tactics to harm your mental cognition, abuse you emotionally, and take away your support system.

• This is meant to render the victim powerless. Because when you feel powerless, you don’t fight back, put up boundaries and end the abuse. They beat you down. You simply haven’t the strength or stamina, mentally or physically.

You are powerful.

You have a right to exile anyone who makes you angry, miserable, sad, crazy, or otherwise. You are ultimately in charge of your life. Don’t let an abuser get the best of you. Hone your personal power to decide what works for you in life, how you want to feel, and what you expect in reciprocal relationships.

Remember, abusive people will try to drag you down to their level, but you can never bring them up to yours.

You don’t need to put other people down to build yourself up. No need to siphon the life out of another human being. To me, this makes you a lot more powerful than the narcissist.

You have, and have always had, your own personal power, your energy, and a strong sense of self that will not be compromised any longer, now that you are aware.

Protect your energy. Hone your power to make choices for yourself in life. And never, ever, accept less than what you deserve. You are worth so much more.