Are You Being Love-Bombed?

Everyone enjoys the bliss of a new romance. Narcissists are known to be very charismatic. He/she will come along and sweep you off your feet. They will shower you with attention, compliments, and gifts. They hang on your every word and make you feel like you are the most beautiful, brilliant person in the world.

There is the old saying: if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Narcissists work their victims quickly. They swoop in with their charm, professing their undying love. But it is all a manipulation. What the narcissist is actually trying to do is trick you.

When the narcissist is staring deeply into your eyes, listening intently, he is actually sizing you up. He is learning what makes you tick. This way he can imitate you. You will think you have found your soulmate. But you had better think again.

In my experience having a relationship with a narcissist, I was unsuspecting, as I had never heard of narcissism or narcissistic abuse at that point.

This is what the love-bombing looked like:

He would call/text with sweet words throughout the day, every day. He wanted to see me as much as possible. Flowers were sent to my work, love letters were left in my car, he would make me origami roses, he asked me to record the voicemail greeting on his cell phone, he made romantic candlelight dinners, the works.

I had a very strong relationship with my family, particularly my grandmother. He would tell me similar stories of his love for his grandmother and his tight relationship with his sisters while growing up. (Not surprisingly, much later when I met his sisters, they had a very different story of their relationships with him.)

Anything that I liked, he liked. Anything that I valued, he valued too. He claimed to share my future ideals. I’d never been married nor had any children; nor had he. But we both wanted to and were just waiting for the right person to come along. We figured we were meant for each other. He seemed perfect.

He wanted to meet my family and friends. He was nothing but kind and respectful. They all loved him, at first. Sadly, what he was really trying to do is get into my inner circle so that he could later dismantle it.

He would buy me gifts all the time. We had a vacation fund. We constantly talked about the future and how in love we were. We talked about getting married and having children. These things happened lightning fast, within the first 2 months of knowing each other.

He would always say, we were going to rule the world together. He had finally found the perfect woman. He’d never felt like this for anyone else, etc.

Naturally, all relationships have some strife. When that happened and we got into a small argument, roses were sent with love letters, texts, bleeding heart apologies, and crocodile tears. So, we would kiss and makeup and stay together.

Everything about our relationship was so intense and happened so quickly.

Love bombing doesn’t fade off, like in normal relationships that the affection trickles after a while and you have to rekindle your appreciation. In this case, it drops off the edge of the planet. It goes out as quickly as it came on.

The purpose of love bombing is to get you invested in the relationship. It is emotional manipulation and abuse that will soon become more severe.

The narcissist can’t hurt you unless he’s got you. Because otherwise, you wouldn’t care; sometimes relationships work out, sometimes they don’t. Without an emotional attachment to the narcissist, they could never hurt you to the degree that they have in store for you. Sound sadistic? It is.

Narcissists pull the rug out from under their victims.

Once the narcissist knows that they have you hooked and you really want the relationship to work out, their behavior changes abruptly.

This abrupt change in the relationship dynamic is absolutely calculated. Suddenly, the narcissist does not respect your feelings. He criticizes you, makes fun of you, and humiliates you in public.

Having a nice time? Not anymore.

The narcissist goes to lengths to see to it that you are miserable, sad, angry, or confused. He doesn’t want you to be happy anymore; not even with him. He picks fights, he storms off, he ignores your calls, etc.

When you finally cry yourself to sleep enough times to call it quits, guess what? Mr. Nice Guy comes back to hoover you back into the relationship. Love bombing commences just long enough to keep you invested before the devaluation begins again.

This cycle continues.

You can’t ever feel secure in the relationship at this point, because you are constantly walking on eggshells, trying not to set the narcissist off. He insists everything is your fault. You halfway believe him. Gradually, he erodes your self-esteem, your confidence, and your sense of reality. He has you where he wants you.

Eventually, you learn there is nothing you can do to make them treat you the way they used to. Because it was all an act. Right from the very beginning, he was playing you.

Everything was a lie.

The narcissist manipulates you so that he can destroy you, emotionally, financially; in any way that he possibly can. You have been targeted by a sick, disordered, dangerous person.

When things feel off, they are.

Do yourself a favor and tread lightly with someone who seems to be love bombing you. Understanding narcissistic abuse is crucial to understanding what comes next, so when you see it (devaluation) you believe it and cut the cord right then and there. Staying tied to the narcissist will only end in terrible grief.

Leave the relationship. Go no contact. Don’t waste time being caught up in this toxic cycle. Notice the signs of love bombing, which is the first phase of narcissistic abuse. Save yourself from further destruction. It isn’t love. It’s manipulation.