How the Leprechaun Stole Lucky Charms

Every Kid in Cleveland Liked Lucky Charms a lot.

But Lucky the Leprechaun, Who lived just west of Cleveland, Did NOT!

Lucky hated Lucky Charms! He constantly boasted!

He hated that cereal. Frosted oats that were toasted.

It could be his green hat wasn't screwed on just right.

It could be that his pointy black shoes were too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason of all,

Was that his magical marshmallow heart was two sizes too small.

Whatever the reason, marshmallow heart or his shoes,

He stood there every morning, hating the Kids,

Staring down from his rainbow with a sour, Leprechaun frown,

At the warm burning river down in their town.

For he knew every Kid down in Cleveland below,

Was busy now, watching a cartoon or show.

"And they're watching cartoons!" he snarled with a sneer,

"Tomorrow is Saturday! It's practically here!"

He put on his green jacket, marshmallow heart nervously beating,

"I MUST find some way to stop Lucky Charms eating!

For Tomorrow, he knew, his tasty red balloons

Would surely be eaten. They'd eat them with spoons!

And then! Oh, the sugar rush! Oh, the rush!

RUSH! RUSH! RUSH!

That's one thing he loved! The RUSH!

RUSH! RUSH! RUSH!

Then the Kids, and their folks, would watch the TV.

And they'd watch! And they'd watch! And they'd WATCH!

WATCH! WATCH! WATCH!

They would watch Star Trek, and some kids shows too.

Lucky hated Mr. Spock, and Captain Kangaroo!

And THEN They'd do something He liked less then sports!

Every kid in Cleveland, the big and the short,

Would run outside, "Be safe!" parents saying.

They'd run all around. And the Kids would be playing!

They'd play! And they'd play! And they'd PLAY!

PLAY! PLAY! PLAY!

And the more Lucky considered this Saturday play,

The more Lucky thought, "They can't do this, no way!!"

"Why, for thirty-three years I've put up with it now!"

"I MUST stop this Lucky Charms eating! But HOW?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

LUCKY GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" Lucky laughed in his throat.

And he made a government Health Inspector coat.

And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Lucky trick!"

"With this coat, I look like a real Dick!"

"All I need is a unicorn..." Lucky looked around.

But, since unicorn are fake, there was none to be found.

Did that stop ol'e Lucky? No! The Leprechaun simply said,

"If I can't find a unicorn, I'll make one instead!"

So he called his dog, Mr. Magoo. Then he took some white thread,

And he sewed a single horn on the top of his head.

THEN He loaded some pens And some clipboards too,

In a beat up Ford Escort And he threw in Mr. Magoo.

Then the Grinch said, "Start you son a bitch!" And the car started down,

Toward the homes where the Kids Lay asnooze in their town.

All their windows were dark. Black ash filled the air.

The Kids were all dreaming nightmares of Sonny and Cher.

When he came to a two story house on the square.

"This is stop number one," the fake Inspector hissed,

And he went to the door, clipboard in his fist.

Then he knocked. Really weak and sucky.

But if Girl Scouts could do it, then so too could Lucky.

No one answered, for a moment or two.

So to the kitchen he went, he knew what to do

Where the Lucky Charms sat on the shelf in a row.

"This cereal," he grinned, "has got to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile like a fox,

Around the whole kitchen, and he took every box!

Fruity Pebbles! Frosted Flakes! Cocoa Puffs! Cookie Krisps!

Apple Jack's, Reese's Puffs, even the Trix!

And he stuffed them in bags. Then outside he slunk,

Stuffed all the bags, one by one, in the trunk!

Then he went to the fridge. He took the Kids' soda!

He took the Mountain Dew! He took the Coca-Cola!

He cleaned out that fridge until he was done.

Why, Lucky even took their last bag of Capri-Sun!

Then he stuffed all the loot in the trunk with glee.

"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will steal their TV!"

And the Grinch grabbed the TV, and he started to shove,

When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.

He turned around fast, and he saw a small Kid!

Little Danny-D Kid, who was not more than ten.

The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Kid son,

Who'd got out of bed to steal a Cinnabun.

He stared at the Leprechaun and said, "Lucky, why,”

"Why are you taking our TV? WHY?"

But, you know, that old Lucky was so smart and so slick,

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why, my sweet little boy, let me tell you a fable"

"This TV has UHF but does not have cable."

"So I'm taking it back to my government shop."

"I'll fix it up there. Just don't call the cops."

The kid wasn't fooled, but was half asleep,

"It is a piece of crap, I think you should keep"

Was the very last thing, that the kid said

Before he grabbed a soda and went back to bed!