It's Okay

“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I'm not going to let myself pull me down anymore.”

― C. JoyBell C.

I was inspired by my body today. It took me so many years to stop hating myself and just love my body for what it is- and that is my body.

I have written about self-love before, and I cherish what I learned in that course so much to this day. It literally saved me knowing that I could choose to love myself-even when I didn't feel all that loveable.

I am grateful to be a mother to my children. When I look at my stretch marks and scars, I am in utter awe of myself. How could I have created my tiny humans and still hate my body? I never want my daughter looking in the mirror or struggling with an eating disorder telling herself hurtful lies about herself. I never want that for either of my sons.

I am nearing three months post-partum and struggling to love my c-section pouch. But I am still in awe. I am amazed that my body has created the beautiful children I have. Just because I have one faulty uterus doesn't mean my body has failed me.

Post-partum is a strange time in a mother's life. You're navigating a new baby and adjusting to the hormones still fluctuating in your body.

Self-love changed my whole being. It changed the way I dress myself, the way I take pictures of myself, and the way I carry myself. If I didn't have that knowledge that it's okay to love yourself, I would be struggling wholeheartedly with my body image.

I struggled in such a hard way after jaw surgery changed the look of my face and my voice prior to kids.

I always have loved my eyes. My children's eyes.

I'm growing to love my chubby cheeks.

I may have vitiligo and struggle to love the white patches of skin on my body, especially since they are growing worse instead of getting better. It's lifelong but I will cherish the way it makes me different. As my partner says, "You're like limited edition." I may despise my autoimmune disorders, but they are a part of me.

It's okay not to love every part of yourself. Even if you just find one thing to love about yourself, that's enough.

Spread love and kindness like wildfire. Tell someone they look good today. Compliment someone on their makeup or their clothing for a change instead of silently admiring someone. Let them know that their earrings look cool.

I remember on a bad hair day, I was getting the mail. I was eight months pregnant and someone complimented a really bad lime green hair dye job of mine. That compliment made me sparkle because I was really having a hard time with loving my pregnant body at the time.

I get to be weird. I get to wear clothes that make me happy and wear my bright lipstick do my eyes in funky colours. That is a choice I get to make. I don't have to hide my body behind ugly sweaters that I thought I should be wearing because, "I'm a mom, I can't wear clothes that make me happy."

I am not the hateful words that have been said about me.

I do not have pancake titties. (Thank you to my high school boyfriend for implanting that in my head and making me hate myself for years.)

I am not fat.

I am not ugly.

I am strong.

I am beautiful.

I am perfectly okay with being in my own skin.

And for today, that's enough.

Even if you're drowning in the midst of self-loathing, it's okay.

It's okay to struggle with your body image from time to time.

What's not okay is to hate yourself for being a human being.

Chloe Rose Violet 🌹