Funko Pops We Need to Exist

Funko Inc. is a toy company that seems to be on a quest to archive all of pop culture in the form of macrocephaly toy figurines, called "Funko Pops!" Think of any iconic movie, TV show or comic book character and there will likely be multiple versions of Funko Pops. Also though, think of a cult property that most people haven't heard of, and it will have Funko Pops. Go ahead, check, I'll wait. Scratch that, I'm in a hurry, you'll have to check later. There are even idiosyncratic figurines, such as ones of long defunct airlines.

And yet, not every Funko Pop that ought to exist does. Here is a list of contenders.

The Reddit Alien

Reddit is possibly the most fun and useful site on the internet. They've got so much clout that Reddit kind of broke Google. And they've got an adorable alien named Snoo as a mascot. "It’s a happy accident that the cofounder's hurried sketch left Snoo colorless and genderless, a form onto which everyone could map themselves." Said Wired magazine. Snoo is holding a Polaroid camera for r/pics. Snoo has a suitcase in tow for r/travel. Snoo evolves into multiple forms for r/Pokémon. With all these variants it's surprising there aren't numerous Snoo Funko Pops available.

Hooters Girl

You know you have an iconic brand when people dress up like your employees for fun. Plus the media loves to find excuses to do stories about Hooters. Hence a Hooters girl Funko Pop would almost certainly get a bunch of free publicity.

Ozymandias

There is a good opportunity for an amusing figurine here. The context is this 1818 poem by Percy Bysshe Shelley.

I met a traveler from an antique land,

Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,

The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;

And on the pedestal, these words appear:

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare

The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

I want an Ozymandias figurine that is just feet on a pedestal. Poetry nerds will get it and everyone else will think most of it is missing.

Jessica Nigri

Jessica Nigri is a model who is so astoundingly beautiful that she has the effect of stupefying people who meet her. She's not just a pretty face though. Ms. Nigri has reached a point in her career where she doesn't have to restrict herself to cosplaying existing characters. She has tailoring skills to make elaborate original creations such as her moss witch (above), a Christmas knight, and a mushroom fairy. Jessica will need at least two figurines, as she often does a full costume and a bikini version of her characters.

The Man in the Moon

I am throwing this one out as a challenge to Funko. Many people will have seen this disturbing image without necessarily knowing the context. It's from the 1902 film Le Voyage Dans la Lune (A Trip to the Moon). If you've never seen it, you absolutely should watch it. It is a 12 minute long wild ride. Space wizards are loaded into a giant gun by a cheer squad. They shoot themselves to the moon where they immediately start killing natives.

I want to see how Funko could make this character (round head, craggy face, rocket in the eye, no body) look like one of their figurines (square head, smooth, has a body). Can they pull it off? I can only assume they are too chicken to try until it is made.