Forever Family

I wrote this for the writing challenge: Passing Ships, but was one second too late to submit it. The challenge was to write about a small moment that was life changing.

It may not seem like a small thing, but in my mind, I take care of family no matter what. One simple decision changed our lives forever.

I met a small, timid girl. She reminded me of myself. She was my boyfriend's niece. We would take her Trick-or-Treating and to Christmas in the Park every year, among other fun places. She would come over to bake with me or ask for my help with a school project. I fell in love with her and she with me. My boyfriend and I married and she was in my wedding. We hugged and laughed. We were finally family as we were meant to be.

She grew into a strong, fierce teen. No longer timid and shy, she spoke her mind and blazed a trail as she tried to find her way and find herself. She acted up and lashed out because of past hurts she didn't understand or know how to deal with. She skipped school and ran away with her boyfriend more than once. Her grandparents raising her were tired and dealing with more and more health problems. They gave her space and expectations, but didn't have the patience or the time to give her what she needed. The extra stress wasn't helping their physical or mental health.

They decided she would do better with her uncle, a different uncle, who lived far away. I worried she would run away, get into more trouble and we'd lose her. I knew her heart, I understood some of her pain from my own past traumas and didn't want to lose her. I couldn't let her go.

I had just had a baby, so I was home, I had the time. Time to help her learn and help her heal. I spoke with my husband and we took her in. After all, if it was too much, if I couldn't help and it wasn't working, she could still go live with her other uncle. It seemed a simple decision. Not even a decision really, it seemed natural to have this girl, who I already loved like a daughter, come to live with us.

At first she thought we were strict, with our bed times and cell phone limits. With my homework checking and emailing her teachers to find out what she needed to have done. She was used to freedom to do her homework, or more often not, with no one holding her accountable. She had given up on school. She thought she was too stupid to understand it, so why bother? I helped her get organized. I sat with her every day, helping her through each subject, teaching her that she could do it, she just needed to give herself more time and a quiet place to focus. Earlier bed times helped, she could stay awake in class, imaging that!

When her grades began to improve, she lit up! She really could do it! Opportunities opened for her. She got an after school job and was allowed a bit more freedom as she showed responsibility. I took her to college night at her high school. She had never considered college before and had no ideas of what she might want to do after high school. In fact she would be the first girl of her biological family to graduate and go on to college!

She came across a booth for culinary school at the college night. She loved cooking and baking with me, so I suggested she might like to be a chef. She loved the idea and from then on we were filling out scholarship forms and cooking together in my tiny kitchen. She even competed in a scholarship cooking contest at the culinary school and won a partial scholarship.

She graduated high school! We were overjoyed at that achievement, but she was far from done. We helped her move into an apartment and she graduated culinary school and became a chef! She worked at Michelin star restaurants doing what she loved. She found her way. I didn't speak to her as often as I would have liked for the next few years. I wanted to give her the space and freedom to be herself and I was no longer her “Mom” figure as her relationship with her grandmother, whom she called mom, had healed. But one sad day, that Mom, her grandmother, the one who raised her, my husband's mother, died. She left us suddenly and unexpectedly.

We held each other, that small girl and I, in the hospital after she departed. She was my little girl again. She needed me, but I realized just how much I needed her, too. We talked often after that. A few years later, she had a family of her own and I was given the honor of being “Grandma” to her newborn son. A little boy I love more than I can even fathom. How could so much love fit in one heart?

Being a Grandma to him is the best honor I can imagine. And now I proudly refer to his mom, my little girl, as my daughter. She's always been my daughter in my heart. One simple choice to take this girl into my home, into my heart, and now she is forever my daughter, forever my family, forever loved. And I am loved in return. Love is stronger than blood.