As The Sun Rises

As the sun rises casting its morning glow,

I stand at the edge of the sea, shrouded in darkness,

My mind feels the shadows of a depressing low.

The sun casts a golden hue on the sea below,

The golden hue; the watermarks of my tears,

Crying because I had to let you go.

As the day awakens;

My eyes do not sense the beauty of light,

They only sense the darkness created by night.

As the sun rises;

I think of times gone by when I held you in my arms,

And tried to keep you from harm.

As the sun goes down;

The darkness still remains,

Begging answers to the question,

"Why did I let you drown?"

Every day when I see that same sunrise,

The day begins for everyone,

But for me;

The night is always present,

My mind is always hungry for answers from that moment,

I couldn't save your life.

Dedicated to my ex-boyfriend who lost his life in 1992 to suicide.

Suicide can be brought on by many feelings and events, and they may not be brought to a front until the event has happened.

People can hide feelings because they find them difficult to talk about, and because they may feel ashamed of how they feel.

Suicide is not always intentional.

It can be caused by many mental health conditions, and sometimes the person committing suicide can be unaware of it, especially in cases where they are not thinking coherently.

It is hard not to blame yourself when a loved one commits suicide. I blamed myself for many years, but please remember;

The suicide is not your fault, and it is ok to feel the way you feel and to reach out for help with your feelings.

In the line of dedication above, you will find a link that can give you support and information about suicide.

• - It is important to listen if someone says that they feel suicidal. Just because they have told you how they feel, does not mean they won't do it.
• Talk gently to the person, but do not invalidate their feelings or tell them that they are stupid.
• Don't use words such as 'move on,' or 'pull yourself together.' These words can make the person feel bad for feeling the way they do.
• Be mindful of how the situation is also making you feel, and get help from your local emergency services if you need it.
• You can find these numbers on the internet.
• Don't walk towards a suicidal person who is actively attempting suicide too fast, because you may panic them.

Remember the person's actions and feelings are not your fault. This may be difficult to come to terms with, and you may need help with your feelings for a while.

Talk through your feelings, either with a professional or a friend.

You may find that offering support to the affected person in the aftermath of an attempted suicide may be helpful for them.

Having a friend who listens and helps them through it can be more helpful than a friend who walks away.

There are cases when a suicide can happen, no matter what you do.

Remember, this has nothing to do with anything that you did. It has to do with how that person was feeling. This is easier said than done, though being open about the way you feel can help the grieving process.

A final word.

It can take many years for both parties to come to terms with what has happened, and grieving a loss through suicide is not easy. Do not let anyone invalidate your feelings.

You will feel anger, shame, guilt, and sadness; as will the person you are trying to help.

Try to understand these feelings rather than bury them deep down, and remember,

There is no shame in talking about suicide or suicidal feelings. Talking can help the recovery and the grieving process.