Lose-lose

When I woke up, I tried to put my leg behind my head and lick my arsehole. Again.

Don't get me wrong, I was glad to be back in the physical world, where things were solid and mostly made sense. But it felt heavy and weird coming back to this large body after spending so long as a dainty little feline.

Hannah was coming to lean on me too much. I wasn't her parent. I was just another adult who'd lied to her and exposed her to things she shouldn't have known. The man's screams had been sweet to me until I realised she was watching and listening. His blood and pain, and my delight in it, congealed under her eyes.

I'd swooped in with righteous anger, not thinking through the consequences. Now, my continued interference would be wrong, and my abandonment of her would also be wrong.

Lose lose.

I was determined not to enter the dreamscape for a while. To sleep flat, mundane sleep. Detox. Look back and not remember the last time I'd wanted to bury my own shit. I'd shrink in Hannah's world. I had to.

Why did it feel wrong? Anxiety gnawed at me. Was it just the addictive pull of the dreamscape?

Her cat. Cats dream, right? Through Hannah's cat, I'd piece together clues about Hannah's welfare.

I'd spent so many dreams as that cat, you'd think I'd be able to find her easily. But she'd had no part in that. I'd borrowed her appearance, that was all. It wove no bond between us.

It'd been a long time since I'd cared for her, held her, fed her... Would it be enough? I'd never actually trod any animal's dreams before. Surely it couldn't be so very different from a human? Could it?

Night after night I looked, waiting until the small hours when I was sure Hannah wouldn't be looking for me. (There was a bond there, alright. I think Hannah could find me almost as easily as I could find her, no matter what shape I wore.)

Was it that our bond was too weak? Could a person not find animal dreams? I kept looking, frustration growing. And fear.

++++++++++++

Word count: (excluding author's note): 366

Submitted on: 16th May at 22:50

*Quick Author's Note*

First, and most importantly: thank you so much for reading my story! The ha'penny that Vocal will pay me for your eyeballs landing on this humble piece will be well-spent. Gold flakes in the water cooler, and a platinum toilet.

If you enjoyed this one, the very best compliment you can give me is to share it, or read another!

A Year of Stories: I'm writing a story every day this year. This one continues my 137 day streak since 1st January!

Please do consider lending your support to the other creators who are also on this madcap "a story every day" adventure. They are putting out excellent content every day!

Rachel Deeming

Gerard DiLeo

Leave a comment: Please do leave me a comment. It makes it easier to reciprocate the read.

The story behind the story: This is the latest in a series of stories about dreamstalking. I'll pop back and update this section with the list as soon as I can, in case you wanted to browse any of the others.

Thank you

Thank you again, most especially if you are one of the wonderful people who has been staunchly reading these daily scribbles since the start of the year. I see you, and appreciate you 😁

+ + + + + + + + + + + +