Simon Says, Break Down

We’re always worried about money, today was no different. We were on our way to Portugal from Spain. We had all our luggage with us for our usual bi-weekly vacation back to his hometown. After 40 minutes in the hot metro, we finally got out. So, here we are, carrying three bags and one suitcase for our 15 minutes walk on the car and finally, were there! Yah, thank god. I haven’t eaten anything since the night before and I’m hungry, I’m tired and I just want to sit in the car and play on the new tablet he just bought me.

Finally, all the shit has been lugged into the back of the car and we’re ready to go. He puts the keys in the ignition and, with any old standard car, I guess you have to wait a few seconds before you can start it, so, he waits. He turns the key and presses the pedals, now don’t ask me which one because I don’t know how to drive standard and I don’t know how it works but, he presses on the pedal, turns the key and...nothing. he looks at me, I look to him and we both get a little nervous. He tries again, and, nothing. Now, he’s usually pretty calm but I can tell her starting to get really nervous. He looks out the window and sees people standing at the bus stop and he notices one guy laughing at us and, he gets really uncomfortable. Not only is this asshole laughing at us but my boyfriend switches his gaze to the left and sees a cloud of greyish smoke come from behind the car and now, it’s official, he’s worried and naturally, I’m about to panic. Finally, I talk him into calling someone and he calls the insurance company. We’re stuck.

There goes my two weeks holiday... I’m going to stay stuck in Spain. Not that I don’t like Madrid but, I was looking forward to going somewhere that feels like home for a bit.

While he’s on the phone, I start to look around, trying to distract myself from getting too worried about the car. I notice the people walking to university, girl and boys I’m envying as I’m dying to return to school. It’s a bit chilly outside and our windows are open, I don’t dare ask him if we can close them now.

He’s off the phone. He tells me that the insurance company will send a tow truck to come to pick us up but even then, we won’t get the car fixed today.

Now I think to myself, how the fuck will we pay to fix this car? How doesn’t have a lot of money and, well, it’s certainly not my 2.47 EUR that is going to get us anywhere. I’m panicking, to say the least, and I can tell that he’s upset by now.

And then, out of the blue, or maybe out of frustration or desperation he tries to start the car once more, and, a miracle happens. Simon decided to start! Yes, we have named the car Simon haha!

Were both shocked. We look at each other with big grins on our faces and holy fuck, Simon has stated!

We start to drive and the car is shaking and rattling, but hey, we’ve got it to start, it doesn’t look like it will break down on us now so, we decide to start our drive to Portugal.

We drive for a bit, I’m still clutching to my Jean jacket with my lovely Bart Simpson patch on the back because I’m still convinced that Simon will break down on the highway, but, to my surprise, he’s going strong. As we’re driving down the highway, my boyfriend tells me to keep my eyes peeled for a Burger King and even though I’m about to die on starvation, okay, maybe not literally but you get my point, I’m worried that if we stop the car, we’re doomed.

We spot the Burger King, I figure we will go through the drive through to get the food, eat on the way but no, courage takes over and he decides to turn off the car. Oh boy, now we’re really going to be stuck here.

We eat.

We eat two massive burgers and drink a coca cold zero thinking we’re not going to get fat from this one day and we get back into the car, feeling bloated and gross.

The moment of truth, will Simon start again, I really don’t know.

The key is in the ignition, the foot is on the pedal and...

moment of silence...

IT STARTED!

What a relief.

You know, we have many stories when it comes to our road trips and the cars breaking down. For example, before Simon, my boyfriend had a car named Suzanne, we named he that because she was old and worn down like umm... kind of embarrassed to say this but, kind of like an old prostitute named Suzanne. Haha!

Suzanne drove us from Lisbon to Lagos beautifully! I was so excited to return to gorgeous beaches of Lagos the following morning, I could hardly contain my excitement.

The next morning, I’m ready to go! Bathing suit on, towels are packed, water is in the bag and I’m ready to tan!

Haha. What a joke.

He gets outside to start the car and, guess what... we have the flattest of flat tires.

We put air in the tires. Thank god for our lovely Airbnb host Rui who helped us and, We’re off to the beach! Fuck yeah, the sun, the sand, the seashells, the water, I’m officially in heaven.

The day passes, we decide we need to go home and eat a late dinner so, we get into the car and drive back to our farmhouse, yes, chickens and all! we ate the most tasteful shrimps that evening and drank some good Radlers and smoked many cigarettes just talking and laughing together. Part of me never wanted that evening to end but, we decided after some time that if we wanted to enjoy the beach tomorrow, we best sleep.

The next morning, I’m ready at the crack of dawn. LET’S GO TO THE BEACH!

And now, the tire which we had put air in the day prior is now dead. Kaput. Down to the ground.

We have to change the tire. And if you know me, I’m not very patient. When I want something, I want it now and I will get mad if I don't. And now, I was a bit mad. My boyfriend proceeds to tell me that he needs to go to the garage to get a new tire since his spare tire is flat a well, I thought to myself, fuck, this is going to be a full day affair and I will never ever ever get to the beach, might as well just walk there... urgh!

He leaves and I sit in my room. As I'm sitting in the room, minutes are starting to feel like hours. He's texting me pictures of the car’s tire and, I don't know how he managed to make it to the garage, because this tire was flat to the ground, literally splitting apart.

I wasn’t mad anymore, I was worried.

Finally he gets back home and the car is good to go! Lagos here I come!

After that, we decide that it would be a good idea if he bought a new car. We drive about 20 minutes outside of Lisbon to see this car he found online and to our surprise , this car looks great!

It looked great. that's about it.

the car's radio did not work. The air conditioner did not work and if you know anything about Southern Europe, it's HOT. Like 47 degrees hot. Needless to say, you need air conditioner and we didn't have one. Fuck my life.

So, there’s within a week, there’s already many problems, then a few months later the gear thing decided to break, urgh, just another thing wrong with this damn car... but before we realized that was happening, one night when we were driving home (not really home for me but, when we were driving back to my boyfriend's hometown) from Madrid we had to stop on the side of the road, in pitch black darkness and check if the tire was about to fall off. The car was shaking and rattling so much we needed to check what was going on. So, here's my boyfriend, wearing a neon yellow safety vest trying to change the tire in the middle of no where in pitch black darkness. I was about to have a heart attack thinking a speeding car would hit him and I'd be stranded in the darkness. This scene kept playing in my mind over and over again like a scene of a cheesy horror film. Finally, the car door opens and he’s safe but the tire was screwed on so tight that the couldn’t change it, so we had to drive very slowly back to the house...

Needless to say, the cars in our lives have made for funny stories when looking back yet, in the moment, you just want to set the damn thing on fire! We clearly need to win the lottery and buy a car that won't break down on us, but then again, what fun would that be?