Wander logo

10 Things You Should Never, EVER Say on an Airplane (Or in the Airport)

by CM 2 months ago in airlines
Report Story

Joking around with TSA is not recommended before, during, or after your flight!

10 Things You Should Never, EVER Say on an Airplane (Or in the Airport)
Photo by Khadim Fall on Unsplash

Anyone who’s ever traveled by plane knows that airport and airline staff bring to work with them a pretty dry sense of humor when it comes not-so-funny jokes about airplanes and airports. It’s a no joke zone the minute you walk into the airport, kind of by nature of the job. Seemingly innocent or funny comments don't pack the same punch when said inside an airport or airplane. There is nothing funny about potential life-threatening situations when you are flying 30,000 feet in the air with hundreds of people -or while putting passengers aboard the plane. Despite common knowledge that some types of jokes are off-limits around airport staff, so many people test their gangsta -and that of the TSA- and utter the dumbest ‘jokes’ imaginable to man.

Utter any of the innocent statements from this list and risk serious consequences including flight delays, airport evasion, and possible arrest, depending on the seriousness of the ‘joke’ or the comment.

Guessing some of the ‘jokes’ that aren’t ‘airline-friendly’ is probably pretty easy but go over this list before heading to an airport just in case your comedic bone attempts to override common sense. Your flight across the friendly skies will go much smoother when you avoid saying these things.

  1. Hi, Jack: Traveling with someone named Jack? Never, under any circumstances, say the word ‘hi’ before their name. Although two innocent words, when said on an airplane they make one dangerous word that no pilot wants to hear. Avoid potential trouble and don't say this word. At all.
  2. We’re really high: Fellow passengers or airline crew may get the wrong idea if they hear you utter the words, “we’re really high,” even when referencing the altitude of the airplane. Just don’t say it.
  3. I don't have bombs…yet: Bet the smile you cracked making this ‘joke’ won't last when you see the armed security guards headed your way. Bomb jokes are bad, period.
  4. That’s da bomb: Again, bomb comments are almost guaranteed to shut down operation and delay your flight and cause a lot of unnecessary hysteria. If you say this when you think something is awesome, let’s hope nothing cool happens on the airplane. No. bomb. Jokes.
  5. It’s going to blow: Maybe you’re discussing the old, 20-year-old water heater in your home, but making this statement may be construed in a different manner by airline attendants on a mission to protect passengers.
  6. I have Ebola: Make this statement and you’ll stir a big commotion and attention you don't want. Ebola is a rare and deadly disease found in Sub-Saharan Africa. It’s spread through direct contact with blood or bodily fluids. Fatality occurs so often because symptoms appear when treatment may prove ineffective.
  7. I have covid or corona: Maybe you’re talking about the six-pack waiting when you get off the airplane but in today’s age, don't say it in earshot of anyone in a confined space, especially an airplane high in the sky. Probably don't joke about any communicable disease, k?
  8. I can’t believe I made it past the TSA: Why not? Inquiring minds want to know. Make this statement and you could very well be front and center of another search!
  9. What happens if I open that door? Bad, bad things happen if the crew hears you make this statement, so you’ll never endanger passenger lives to learn the answer to this question.
  10. I’m a terrorist: Not funny.

As they say, there is a time and a place for everything. In today’s crazy world, an airplane definitely is not the place to say things that ordinarily would not turn heads in another location. If you can't resist being a comedian, watch a few comedy specials to get new material before your flight!


About the author


The most shocking & unbelievable collection of crime stories around. Prepare yourself for crimes that will piss you off. Graphic material! 18+ audience!

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights


There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2022 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.