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Why I Don't Want Kids As a 31 Year Old Woman.

by H. Byers 6 days ago in family

Shouldn't be shocking, but you'd be surprised.

I don't remember the moment I decided I didn't want kids. I remember the first time someone tried to tell me I'd change my mind, but I don't remember the exact moment I decided it wasn't for me. Looking back, it was very obvious as a child because I never mentioned having kids when they asked what I wanted to be when I grow up. If it was mentioned, it was an afterthought. More like, "I guess after I'm an astronaut I'll take a break to have some kids, then back to space I go." Because that's how it works.

It was just never in my plan to begin with. I'd like to preface this by saying I don't have anything against parents, or even children really (I have a low tolerance, but that is not a hatred by any means) because I know there's three types of people I've come across when discussing not wanting kids: those who don't care, those who care way too much about what I do with my body, and people who are immediately aggressive (think, "THIS WAS WHAT YOU WERE MADE TO DO HOW DARE YOU NOT HAVE KIDS YOU SELFISH JERK" mentality). So as someone who never painted kids into the picture, I'll explain why I absolutely do not want them.

They're Expensive

According to a quick google search, the cost of caring for a child from birth to 18 is around $234,000. So that is roughly $13,000 a year. it goes without saying that is a pretty huge chunk of change. In the calculation, it also doesn't account for extracurriculars, or medical care, which would bump the cost up even more.

Selfish?

I don't know where this started, or why that's a usual response when someone states they don't want children. To put it into perspective, kids take a lot of time, attention, and money. If someone was saving their funds and didn't want to spend a lot, you wouldn't call them selfish for doing so. You'd call them fiscally responsible. But there's also a second side to that coin. There's also the idea that it's selfish not to "contribute" to society, which is an outdated idea that the only way you can contribute is by procreating. We have no idea how the kids are going to behave in society, or whether they'd actually be productive members of society. Sure, we can hope for the best but it's never a guarantee. I want to contribute to the world in a way that doesn't involve me birthing a child, that will continue on after I'm gone and have a guarantee of doing good for the world, like starting a charity.

Health

This is an important one. As a Type I Diabetic, I can absolutely have kids. However, is it a good idea? There's no way to determine that. Some have no issue with having children and some have issues throughout the pregnancy as well as afterwards. And then there's the management of a disease after the child is born. What's going to happen if I get a bad low blood sugar (like one where it's hard for me to get up, which I've had before) and I'm the only one in the house caring for a baby? I don't want to find out.

I Really Like Sleeping and Sexytime

I have a lot of friends with children. One of the main issues I hear from parents is their children either won't sleep by themselves, or won't sleep at all. Naps are taken when the child is down for a nap, or throughout the day. This doesn't really leave a lot of alone time for your significant other. Usually when there is time alone, you worry about your kids incessantly when they're cared for by someone else. I understand. You could have an army as well as a fleet of nannies caring for your kid and still be worried. That's your baby. However, I get stressed when I don't have alone time, and can't imagine going through a workday and then coming home and having to manage a toddler. I just know personally I don't have the capacity for it.

So, if you have children and deeply wanted them your whole life, you do you boo. I personally never have. This is not a commentary on whether or not people should have kids, because there will always be people having kids. This is just a perspective from someone that has chosen not to do so, no more, no less.

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H. Byers
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