Trying Something New

I’ve been a musician for 12 years starting with violin in the 5th grade and classic guitar in the 9th. I’m painfully average at both and music is something I have a love/hate relationship with, but I wouldn’t quit it for the world. I’m particularly partial to stringed instruments, but the ukulele always put a sour taste in my mouth. Not because there was anything wrong with the instrument, but because of the misogyny I internalized about girls who played the instrument not being real musicians. The memes are all over the internet. The quirky girl who wears big dark framed glasses and flower crowns, may or may not have dyed hair, and has a wall of fairy lights in her room. I didn’t want to give men another reason to pick on me so I avoided ukulele like the plague for ten years.

Rewind to two months ago. The previous music therapist on the lodge (I work at a psychiatric facility) brought ukuleles for our female patients to play as a coping mechanism. The girls loved them. We’d print off the ukulele chords to their favorite songs and they’d play for hours. I saw how much fun they were having, how it genuinely helped them relieve anxiety, and gave them an activity for them to do together. They were so disappointed when the activity supervisor took them back to her office. Luckily, before she took them back, I got over my aversion and tried to learn a Dodie song.

Most of Dodie’s success on the internet came from her ukulele videos and a song that I always wanted to learn (on the guitar of course) was “Absolutely Smitten”. I’m not the best at playing by ear, but the ukulele is less daunting because it has less strings so I decided to try. Not to brag, but I figured out the tune in 5 minutes. It took the same amount of time for me to become completely obsessed.

I went to the nearest music store as soon as I got off and took stock of their ukuleles. There were only three to choose from so I just chose the one I thought looked the best. Checking out was a bit of an awkward experience. I wasn’t ashamed to be buying a ukulele, but the cashier (a man of course) seemed to imply with his language choice, that I wasn’t a real musician. He thought I was “cute”. A young girl who’d never played an instrument before and had decided to buy a ukulele during a pandemic like it was just a new hobby to try. He told me I should “YouTube it”.

I could go on and on about how misogynistic it is that women aren't taken seriously and how anything that women gravitate toward is seen as a joke by many men, but this would turn into a dissertation. I put interaction aside, took my new ukulele home, turned on “Absolutely Smitten”, and played along. It was amazing. It was something new to learn. Something new to get excited about. And with the amount of stressed I’d been under with Covid-19 cases popping up on my job, it was incredibly therapeutic. I even learned the Bob’s Burgers theme song.

This is all to say that I can’t believe I let stupid stereotypes and other people’s opinions stop me from learning something new that I really love. For years I’ve let my fear of judgement shove me into a corner. I toned down my style, I toned down my hobbies, I toned down my music taste for other people’s comfort. Feeling free enough to do and share what you love is hard work when you’ve been made to feel bad about your interests for so long, but it is so worth it. Life is too short to be ashamed of the things that bring you joy.