Sitting in my kitchen, so nervous I was shaking, I decided to shave my head. I remember all the weeks I had paced about within the confines of my mind, rolling the idea around like marbles, popping the 'yes' and 'no' in and out of the realm of possibility. Around this time, I had suffered a tremendous breakup, and in my acts of stress, I resorted to my cyclical shaving and dyeing and re-dyeing and growing... and found myself with about two inches of growth, and pastel pink locks.
What is the worst that could happen? Right? So there I sat. Deciding that the shaving of my locks would signify cutting all the dead weight, all the memories of my beautiful love gone wrong. A fresh start. I know that the constant changing of my hair probably wasn't enough to clue you in, but I am one impulsive hoe. I further concentrated on the fact that shaving my head would finally teach me the profound art of patience, the slow and steady progression of the rose, growing from seed to stem to thorn, and finally to bloom.
The first tuft that fell cranked my fear to extreme levels. I laughed nervously and watched it fall from above me. Everything in my mind about sexuality, femininity, and the allure of suitors, revolved around femme. Long nails, long hair, ample breasts, nice ass, you name it. What in the fuck was I doing, single, shaving my hair?? I saved face and saw myself for the first time, vulnerable, susceptible, naked. Stripping myself of everything that held my fragile insecurities together, ultimately made me stronger. I became the antithesis of what I believed my whole life I should be.
And guess what? I found myself. I found that everything about me, didn't change because I decided to shave. I found that I was desirable (to the right people) I was loved, accepted, even going as far as having people approach me to tell me how brave it was. And now, I challenge, why shouldn't we all find this clarity? I know deep down we all have our insecurities. Our weight, our shape, our teeth, our scars, our gender, our whatever. Flip side of the coin, we all have our mechanisms that help us feel safe throughout the day. I have a smorgasbord, sleeves in the summer to hide my freckles, my chin, my neck, my lips, WHATEVER, but guess what? Taking away what I felt was vital, and forcing myself to explore the possibility that I was complete and whole and loveable WITHOUT this security has allowed me to step even farther from my comfort zone. I wear sleeveless, I am wearing fashion I LIKE, I am confident and more balanced, more free.
And look, if shaving your entire head ain't your thing, I totally respect it. But I know deep down, somewhere, there is some part of you that is playing it safe, and I say, tear that down. Tear it down, honey. It is hard and it will seem wrong some days but OWN YOUR WORTH. Life is short and looks are fleeting, try that silly thing, do that daring look, be your authentic self.
Lots of love, bebes, and seriously! Shave your head.