Lessons Learned From Menopause

Most women I know welcomed menopause but I did not and I believe it had something to do with the timing of my first menstrual period. As far as I can recall, all of the girls I grew up with began their monthly cycles at age 11 or 12. I, however, was a late bloomer in more ways than one. When I was in the 5th grade in an all black school, we went to the multi purpose room one day and a white woman showed us a sex ed film. This was the first time in five years at this school that I had ever seen a Caucasian face so this event has stuck with me. The woman explained where babies came from and also talked about monthly periods. She said that girls needed a towel and a belt to catch the blood and in my mind I pictured myself wearing a bath towel, held in place by a leather belt. It’s entirely possibly that the film we watched may have had illustrations of how to utilize the old school sanitary pads but I obviously was not paying attention.

For those reading who are to young to remember, back in the day we referred to the pads that caught the menstrual blood as a “ Kotex.” This was because in most stores at that time there was only one brand of sanitary napkins and it was made by the Kotex company. The pads looked like those that are made today except there was no tape on the back, but there were long flaps at the end of each side. Women then had to wear a white elastic belt that had a hook in the front and one in the back. You pulled the flaps through the hooks and that’s how you held the sanitary napkin/towel and belt in place. This method did not hold well all the time and the pads could twist and your clothing would be spiked.

The woman who showed us the film also said our bodies would change and all around me other girls developed breast’s, shapely hips and had pubic hair but I did not. In sixth grade I was attending an integrated school and I remember my cousin and a few white friends snickering together one day. I asked what was going on and my cousin said they were talking about menstruation. The word did not ring a bell and I did not want too appear uninformed so I simply said, "Oh."

I later attempted to look up the word in the class dictionary but I was searching under ministration. A few days later I stumbled upon the correct spelling and put it together with what I learned in fifth grade. I then recalled the previous summer when I heard my grandma and great grandma in the kitchen talking about one of my cousins. I had blurted out that I knew what they were talking about and my grandma had responded that I ought to know as I was old enough. At that time, I wrongly believed that my cousin had been fooling around with boys and was going to have a baby. I realized that day a year later they must have been talking about her period beginning.

During this time, everyone else wore a bra because they needed one but I had a training brazier only because we undressed for gym class. I waited and waited for what seemed like an eternity but my monthly cycle did not show up until Thanksgiving day when I was 13. I was so excited and I never had the bad cramping that other women experienced. Because my period began late, imagine my surprise when the end of my cycles came early, at age 45. I had believed I would not deal with this until age 60, and my menses slowed, then stopped, I mourned the loss of my reproductive years. My husband and I had three children and my tubes had been tied, yet here I was feeling as if something special had been taken from me. There were days I cried, and others where I was distressed and depressed. I honestly felt as though I had lost a dear friend.

Other women expressed excitement at no longer having to worry about their cycle every month, or an unwanted pregnancy. I know a few females who were happy to have a hysterectomy so they would not have painful periods, or heavy bleeding and they welcomed menopausal symptoms. I however felt cheated because I had a late start with my period and did not develop a feminine body with curves until after the birth of my first child at 23 and now I was going through the change of life early. I also realized that my periods stopping indicated that I was heading towards the final stages of life. I wanted my monthly period and to develop physically like other girls. I welcomed marriage and motherhood but I was not handling menopause well at all.

I began to feel that I had lost my femininity because we were taught that when your period started, you became a woman. Now without it I was devastated. Previously, a missed period indicated that I was going to bring a new life into the world and now it meant that I was getting older and heading towards my last days on earth. It was a sober reminder of my mortality. I talked to women I knew and also searched the Internet, but could find no other female who was mourning the loss of her menses as I was. I know there have to be women out there somewhere who feel as I do, I just can't be the only one. Now that I am on the other side of the issue, and some time has elapsed, there are important lessons that I have learned.

Life goes on

Menopause, hot flashes, night sweats, and the loss of a monthly period are not the end of the world. Life can and does go on. Life is for the living and menopausal and post menopausal women should get the most out of it that they can.

It’s just another period

The term menstrual period, is just that a cycle of life that comes to and end like all others. Menopause simply opens up a different period of existence. Each woman must choose to accept and handle it well.

Growing older and growing up

I’ve noticed as I’m about to turn 62 that many women grow older but do not grow up. I see a lot of pettiness, jealousy and competitiveness in females who are grandmothers and great grandmothers. It’s the same attitudes that were displayed when they were teens. I’m often amazed that there seems to have been no maturing of the mind and that aging adults often have the same mentality they did as children. When you think about it this makes sense because of the way our natural bodies mature.

I realized that teenagers just go with the flow and did not have to do anything special to develop their figures. Girls who had ample breasts simply had them with no effort on their part. As seniors, women have to work hard to stay in shape and maintain youthful looks because the same natural progression that turned little girl figures into shapely women will continue as we age. Like what she there must be an effort to present ones self as mature minded and a choice made to leave childish actions behind.

Pause for the cause

Menopause should give women pause, time stop, think about, ponder and to reflect on their lives. Females should want to enjoy the time that is left because like it or not there are less years ahead of us than behind us. I still have days where I mourn the loss of my menses but my mantra is, “This too shall pass.” I’ve passed from childhood, to teenager, to child beater, to the big change of life and determined it’s all good, because I’m still here awaiting more changes.

Time for intimacy

Each woman's experience is different and I am embracing the fact that menopause has not diminished my desire for my husband. My monthly periods have ceased but I still enjoy intimacy. The change of life has caused me to appreciate our time together because at this point we known a lot of widows and widowers, or couples who started out with us and now both are dead. My best lesson learned from the loss of my menstrual cycle is to appreciate all there is in life to gain.