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An Empath’s Pros and Cons of Being Called a GILF

by Lisa Gerard Braun about a month ago in feminism

You may be surprised what this old lady thinks

Image by Busani Ncube from Pixabay

There is a joy in being referred to as a GILF

As a grandmother, twice over, I feel a sense of pride in the backhanded compliment.

There can be drawbacks.

The popularity of MILF took hold over almost two decades ago. Depending on how you were raised, your personal life experiences, and maybe even your moral barometer, the initial reactions ranged from gasps to snickers. In the classic form of acronyms, the more it was used over time, the less sensational the reaction.

Let’s face it, the F word evokes feelings. Some good, some bad, but definite reactions come to the forefront upon hearing the word.

I never took offense if and when I was referred to as a MILF. The deliveries I encountered were never lecherous and were put forth in good faith as a compliment. I had the protection of being a loyal married woman so I never felt threatened.

That buffer probably went a long way in my sense of security.

The fact that I still kept in shape, and some years were better than others, I appreciated the silly way someone would throw an acknowledgment of my hard work my way.

I stay healthy on my terms and for me.

~ ~ ~

My physical state is completely tied to my mental health.

When I go on carb jags, feel like a slug, and get squishy, my mindset takes a dive. Once I figured out the correlation, I made a conscious choice to do my best to stay in my happy zone. Depression runs in my family. Exercising in the fresh air has helped me keep it at bay. Lower body fat is a side benefit.

I do it for me.

If someone notices, good for them. I thank them for making me feel warm and fuzzy. I find no harm in the term GILF. The F word has no bearing and I won’t let it steal the thunder from a positive remark.

My confidence and self-awareness developed through the years, allowing me to receive and process, to my liking, a comment that others may take offense to. I just don’t.

Life is too short to be so literal. There is more grey than black and white in our world. I choose grey.

Now, as a single grandmother, nearing 60 years old. (Wait, that can’t be true, can it?) Here’s the skinny from my vantage point:

There are real pros

To me, being called a GILF is a nice compliment on the surface. Delivery can make or break that overall, so I don’t read into it further than the surface. I have that choice.

My silent first reaction, every time is, I don’t blame you. I am awesome.

I don’t have a lifestyle that caters to being on the singles’ circuit. No bar-hopping, happy hours, or late nights out on the prowl can be found on my calendar. That limits the type of people who are in my company. A total stranger is not drooling and slurring as they eye me up and down and call me a GILF.

As a result, to date, I have not had any gross reactions to feeling vulnerable by a comment. But, if I did, I have no problem calling out an offender. Telling someone they’ve crossed a line should never be an issue.

The people I am exposed to have already passed through the security gates of acceptance.

So, I love the initial assessment when said in fun. I feel myself blush. There’s something to be said for feeling feminine or sexy or just pleasing to look at. I am honored even if I am simply and momentarily admired. I know that I keep myself as I do for personal reasons.

I am not in decent physical shape to lure in potential suitors. My muscle tone is just a temporary bonus.

Maybe my acceptance of the term makes me considered old-world, old-fashioned, antiquated in my thinking, and socially nor politically correct.

I am me.

It’s my truth and, at my age, I am no longer available to cater to what other people tell me I should think or feel.

Of course, there are real cons, too

As a single grandmom that would love to find a partner, the use of GILF makes the one delivering the compliment slightly suspect. If they come out of the gate with it too forcefully, they will work harder to gain my trust.

It’s one thing to acknowledge a physical attraction. It’s a problem for an empath like me to realize when the attraction is not going to go any deeper. I am a thinker, have a brain, and love thought-provoking conversations.

I need a man who may say it one time, and then get over it. It gets tiresome and stunts any relationship growth.

I am not my body.

Seriously, I am not my body.

The overuse of GILF diminishes my value as an equal, a partner, and a woman. I need to know that a man views me with more purpose than his sexual pleasure.

Loving my brain and my soul solidifies trust. My body will change as I age so I steer clear of the superficial men who fixate on it.

For a few months, I tried to convey these sentiments to a guy I enjoyed dating. The sticking point became his need to continually ask me if I was a college athlete. I don’t know if he had a memory problem, a hearing issue, or was incapable of getting to the next level of emotional depth.

I couldn’t get to the 4th month.

Because I am a firm believer in ending on a good note, I will reiterate the pro.

A final pro

To me, being called a GILF is a nice compliment on the surface. I am not offended by the sexual reference. I am a healthy sexual being. Being referred to as a GILF doesn’t mean I am going to sleep with you nor does it make me feel pressured to engage. It can just be nice to hear.

Where I take it from there is my choice.

Everything is best in moderation, though, right?

The Bottom Line

No pun intended on the bottom line, but let’s be real.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. ~ Charles R. Swindoll

We all have a choice on how we receive and react to information.

Many women find MILF or GILF offensive, and I applaud them for standing their ground and firming their boundaries. Everyone should find their comfort zone as we all travel our journeys.

My threshold of acceptance looks a little different. There is nothing wrong with that. I come from a place that every person is unique. To generalize that each person who uses MILF, GILF, or any version, is misogynistic is a gross miscarriage of fairness. Some are, indeed. However, some are not.

Lumping all users of the terms together is a slippery slope and one you won’t find me on.

I don’t try to convince anyone of my way of thinking. Regardless of positions on this point, we are all women that can support each other despite our differences.

I figure I am running out of time on these GILF comments, so I will embrace the properly delivered ones while I can.

I’m okay with that.

feminism

Lisa Gerard Braun

I am a freelance writer, blogger, and most importantly a grandmother raising my 3 year old grandson. Visit my site of inspirational stories, personal growth, and real-life views of my journey ~ you are not alone.

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