A kid is a choice

My sister is pregnant. That is great, of course. Fantastic even. A baby in your belly, a magical miracle. Well, for some people that is. I am truly happy for my sister (and her boyfriend), because getting pregnant is anything but a given. So when this dream finally does come true, it's the best thing ever. A dream of many, but not one of my dreams. And that is totally okay. Isn't it?

Apparently not. I am only 24 years old and yet I am often asked if I want children.

When I indicate that I do not want children, there is little understanding. In fact, the friends who feel the same way can be counted on one hand. Because, why on earth would I not want a financial burden for the rest of my life, filled with responsibility and never be able to put myself at number 1? That sounds great, doesn't it!

It makes me itch. Yet, people try to persuade me by some arguments.

"But what if you're all alone in the future?"

First of all, you don't even have a guarantee that your children will outlive you, live close to you, or that you will have a good relationship with them at all, but that aside. Besides, I'm not going to spend years reluctantly raising children so that I won't wilt in loneliness. No, I'm perfectly capable of being alone and would rather spend my life between the sheets with my partner than between poopy diapers and snot bubbles.

"Being pregnant is the best thing in the world, right?"

Honestly? I love seeing women practically glowing during their pregnancies. Smiling as they rub their bellies. However, living in fear for 9 months only to have further anxiety about giving birth doesn't sound very appealing to me. I can't even go on the pill because of the hormones, let alone having a whole human being in my belly (how does this not scare people already?). To say the least, it wouldn't make me very happy.

"It's super cute to have a mini version of yourself, isn't it!"

I actually find it hard to comment on this, because if this is your reason for having children then something is not quite right anyway. A child is a decision and quite an investment, both financially and emotionally. A responsibility. A life. If you like yourself so much, carry a mirror with you. Besides, I really don't need to be in the presence of someone who looks like me all the time. But anyway, that's for another time.

"Children give you so much!"

Sincere question: what? I've asked my parents this several times and I can't get a clear answer. A big mouth? A dirty wall? Fatigue? Having to stand on the soccer/hockey/tennis field on a Sunday morning with a hangover? Concerns about health? Worries about social factors? Worries about happiness? Having annoying friends over? Worrying about not having annoying boyfriends or girlfriends around? Wasting my time by making a stupid jump on the trampoline? Screeching in the supermarket? Not cleaning up dishes when I am the one who is cleaning the whole house? Study costs? Sleepless nights? Little free time? Stress?

"What's the point of life if you don't have a legacy?"

Do people realize that this is indirectly hugely offensive towards people who can't have children? As if the only thing women are made for is motherhood and when this fails, you have failed. There is a lot to live for in life, much happiness, much love, many memories. Not everything is about children. Your life can also be successful without them. With or without children, you have never failed. You are not less woman without children.

And then the number one most irritating comment: "You say that now, but once you hit 30...". Yes, maybe. You don't know, you never know. Just like everything else in life. But what if I don't change? Why is it at all anyone else's business if I have children or not. It's like they're really just basing their choice on the rest of the world and they need to justify it. So they need confirmation that it's the biggest dream of everyone else.

I have several reasons. I would like to be free. Do whatever I want. Spontaneously have a night out. Spontaneously go on vacation. Maybe that's selfish. I think having a child when you don't want it is selfish too. I don't like the financial picture. Life is becoming more and more expensive and I can only allow myself a nice life. Even if I were to have a child I would also want to give him or her everything. I get tired very quickly for various reasons. How often do I hear people say that you do not know what 'tired' means until you become a mother? I am already exhausted. I don't think a video of a baby is cute. I find children irritating. I don't understand them and find all those random questions and comments irritating. "I saw a woman walking on the sidewalk yesterday and then she was walking a little to the left, but she still went to the right and there was a dog there." That was it? I'm supposed to get this? Where's the clue? And then expect me to just respond in amazement. I don't want all that responsibility at all.

But my main response: I don't feel it. You feel that you want to be a parent, I don't. And that is also a reason.