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A Girl with Daddy Issues Is a Running Joke that Hides Its True Meaning

by Kate Feathers 30 days ago in relationships

Women aren’t the problem here

Photo by Ike louie Natividad from Pexels

I have daddy issues.

Just like dozens of other people I know personally, not to mention thousands of strangers. Women and men both struggle with daddy issues in all parts of the world, either subconsciously or on some active conscious level.

Not all women. Not all men. But a considerable amount of people have complicated relationships with their fathers judging by the daddy issues trend that’s been floating around in the social sphere in the past few years.

A girl with daddy issues is a running joke at this point. It’s how people explain all sorts of behaviour — clinginess, neediness, a tendency to date older men, a need to rely on a male figure a little too much.

Complex psychology is thrown out of the window and a thousand subconscious problems of one girl that all branch out and intertwine in multicoloured structures are branded one single thing: daddy issues.

And then she becomes a laughing stock.

We’re belittled for having been fathered wrong

I’m not going to lie, dating a girl with daddy issues isn’t always easy.

I used to struggle a lot as a teenager. When things at home were at their worst, I met a boy I fell madly in love with, which led to my putting him on a pedestal and idealising the hell out of him.

And after some time, I got clingy. I got needy. I acted like a little girl who needed to be taken care of because I subconsciously wanted my boyfriend to give me what my dad never had.

It caused my boyfriend to withdraw, fall out of love and eventually break up with me.

That was definitely a lesson learned.

But just like dating someone with daddy issues can be hard, so is actually experiencing them. And while men with overly clingy girlfriends are taken seriously (it’s completely understandable why they’d break up with someone who can’t be independent enough and who doesn’t work on themselves enough to improve this problem), girls with daddy issues are often belittled.

They’re laughed at, they’re mocked and they’re often misunderstood.

When you have daddy issues, everyone seems to think it’s you who’s the problem. And while you are the one who has to deal with it, take charge and heal, it’s not you who’s actually the main issue here.

Daddy issues don’t just appear out of nowhere. They’re a result of bad fatherhood.

PsychCentral says:

“In the field of personality psychology, the famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud is credited with coining the term father complex; a $10.00 phrase used to describe someone who has unconscious associations and impulses resulting from an individuals poor relationship with their fathers.”

When you’re a child, there’s not much you can do to improve your father-child bond. It’s all up to him. And when he fails, he sets you up for a life with problems you will have to face, not him.

It’s not the best deal, that’s for sure.

Nowadays, girls and women are being laughed at for having been fathered wrong. But who laughs at the fathers? Who shifts the focus of the conversation to them?

Because it’s the fathers who screwed up. Their children just need to clean up all the mess.

Let’s focus on the main issue here: fathers

Daddy issues aren’t just something you can wave your hand at and laugh.

It’s a serious problem and it impacts many individuals in our society, making their life and intimate relationships in particular much harder than they need to be.

Fatherlessness alone has a drastic impact on both men and women. Here are some statistics published by The Fatherless Generation:

- 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes

- 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes

- 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes

If that isn’t telling, I don’t know what is. And this is just about fatherlessness itself, not about fathers who are present but are awful at parenting.

According to Fathers.com:

“More than 20 million children live in a home without the physical presence of a father. Millions more have dads who are physically present, but emotionally absent. If it were classified as a disease, fatherlessness would be an epidemic worthy of attention as a national emergency.”

It’s usually men who mock women for their daddy issues. And so here is the pinnacle of irony in this whole debate: Men laugh at women for issues caused by men.

Not only that but more men than we might expect have daddy issues themselves. These can manifest in various ways such as anger issues, homelessness and alcoholism.

Daddy issues are a running joke that actually hides a much deeper meaning, and that’s the epidemic of bad fatherhood. We live in a society where men get to be horrible fathers and their daughters and sons take the blame while also having to battle many psychological issues caused by a traumatic childhood.

The bottom line

Daddy issues aren’t just a weird kink women have. They’re a serious sign of worldwide parenting failure.

The main problem here isn’t young women who like older men, dominance and attention. It’s not even people who struggle with deep complex trauma caused by how they were fathered.

The main problem is the fathers who made them that way.

So change the way you father your daughters and sons.

relationships

Kate Feathers

Student of Literature & Languages, I write about relationships, self-improvement, feminism, writing and mental health. Contact me: [email protected]

Discover more of my work: https://linktr.ee/clumsylinguist

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