During this pandemic many of us are feeling sad, happy, and indifferent. Some express sadness due to the lack of social gathering and distancing themselves from that large crowd that their use to while others are feeling happy because many of us are receiving an unemployment benefits every week, having many of you saying “Wow this is way more than I was making on the job”. Me I feel indifferent as some may share my same feeling but your reason or reasons why may be a bit different from how I feel. See I feel how I feel basically because I don’t know what’s to come of this pandemic but what I can say is that I’m optimistic. I always have been hopeful and I always will be hopeful no matter what the circumstances or situation my heart, mind, body and soul is what makes me so strong as I put on my mask and take a brisk walk down my neighborhood, I still feel that same indifferent way. The mask makes it hard for me to breath but I feel good knowing that I’m keeping myself safe. I stocked up on 10 tiny bottles of hand sanitizer’s this weekend and I feel really good about that because before the Covid crisis I have always believed and keeping my hands clean. As I’m walking down the street I think about what has taken place over the course of the months. Job losses, closed down establishments, and the death rate. The many people who are now deceased makes me feel sad because my heart goes out to the many people who have lost their life because of this stupid sickness. I don’t know what’s to come as many others but I am hopeful that the economy will be better. While I’m out I head to the Conor store and to pick up a cold pop. While I’m there I greet the cashier and talk to him a bit as I always do. “ Hi, how are you today, “ he says. “ I’m doing fine”, I tell him. He rings up my pop which comes out to be $0.75 it would have been a solid $1 but that’s when you buy two and I only wanted one because I mostly drink water. “ I take my pop and tell the cashier goodbye. When I leave the Conor store I head home. I sit back and relax for awhile. I have been taking many walks since covid hit. It’s a great thing that I walk more often because It gives me a chance to think about the greater things in life and also what next step I’ll take during this crisis. Well I haven’t figured it out as of yet but I do have some great ideas. One of my ideas would be to go back to school. See that’s what one of my big plans were before everything went left .I could take online classes but I want to do a more hands on approach such as a classroom setting because that’s what I’m use to. I want to go back to school for real estate. I figure why not because people buy houses all the time. Real estate would be a great career move for me. I still plan on going for what I want. It’s just that I don’t know when school will adjourn or how everything will be set for when it’s time. I’m very anxious for the most part. Life sometimes can seem it’s worst especially with something so unexpected come along but I found solace in excepting the things that I can’t change and following the guidelines and keeping myself safe. Right now the most important thing is keeping ourselves safe and our loved ones. Me knowing that I’m still healthy thru this pandemic makes me happy but not knowing what’s to come makes me indifferent. I know that it’s ok for me to feel how I feel because things will get better and nothing stays the same.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not an insecure person. However, sometimes I do have some normal level of insecurities that most people tend to have. A big nose, not tall or short enough, too skinny or fat. But then, I am never worried about these things. I do not stay up losing sleep over them or get anxious about it. I was and has always been happy with myself, I see myself in good light, I feel beautiful, pretty and sexy.
During these past 7 months I have suffered, cried and questioned myself more deeply than I ever thought was possible. I understand that challenging times of hardship are lessons and opportunities to evolve into our intended higher selves but holy shit has it been HARD.
Forgiveness is something that often takes years, with lots of nuance and grey areas, of which nothing can ever be black or white. Forgiveness is the art of giving someone another chance, allowing them to prove themselves again and letting go of the hurt they caused. We do it routinely in our daily lives, some transgressions require minor levels of forgiveness others more. Forgiveness means bypassing our emotional responses and judgement for a moment.
So recently there has been Ted talks that focused on the idea of pedophilia being normal or looked at as the same as being gay. Of course parents and those of us who aren't pedophiles can see why this will never happen or at least shouldn't happen. I will warn you now this may be a little on the ramble side.
Two years ago I was in the fortunate situation to attend a two-day intensive seminar form Jürgen Höller, called the Power Days 2018. The highlight of these 10.000 people event was a keynote by one of my idols Arnold Schwarzenegger. In the following, I’m going to share my main takeaways with you …