For most of my life I have spent a lot of time and energy trying not to hurt anyone. I did my best to make sure that I was making everyone else happy and doing the things they thought were best for me. However, in doing that I realize that I neglected the most valuable thing in my life which is you. I hurt you and neglected you.
If you think I am about to tell you that self love is self taught, you're in the wrong place honey buns. I am not one to think that the skill to love oneself, yes I said skill, is the product of evolution. I believe it takes careful deliberation and interaction with our fellow human beings in order to come to the affirmation that one loves him/herself.
Our life revolves around so many reflections, some are the reflections we see in the mirror of ourselves, some reflections of the things we are surrounded with while some upside and unhappy reflections that often changes our perspectives. The way you see a reflection is influenced by the perspective you attain. Sometimes we see things the way we want them to see, not always it's about how those things look like. While most of the time we are deceived by the reflection of things we tend to see. It's often said that the world we see outside is the reflection of the world inside us, this statement sometimes seems so unreal to me. When I look inside me I don't feel any urge to cause destruction and harm anyone around me but when I see outside everywhere all I see is destruction and people harming each other for worldly pleasures. That's surely not what I feel inside me, that's surely not what my heart and soul ever wanted. Inside me is a soul that wants nothing but peace while outside me is a world where there is no sign of harmony, love and peace.
Sometimes you have a narcissistic personality. Sometimes you want to be the highest in the room. But unbeknownst to you, something inside you dies, rotting slowly until you find yourself, alone and empty. This is a mistake that I committed for years until 2020. I changed my ways and started experiencing new things. And I have found a new kind of happiness, the happiness I never felt before.