I was at a point in my life when I felt all was lost. I was addicted to methamphetamines', out of work and about to lose my home. A close friend of mine shared her most coveted book with me and told me to give it a try. The book was called "The Sickle". When I first saw the title I was immediately taken aback by it. Was this religious (I am agnostic), or perhaps some sort of witch craft? Over the next few weeks I read passages at my leisure, not caring that I was reading the chapters out of order. But each time I read from it, I came to the realization that I had randomly landed on a passage that related directly to the way I was feeling at that very moment. The lesson showed me the way out of my own way and always lifted my spirits. Now some may call be gullible or even superstitious for what I am about to tell you. My good friend who was also my next door neighbor was moving so she asked that I return her book. I was so distraught over no longer having a way to continue my learning. Shortly after I returned her copy, I was taking a walk in the desert and there on the ground was a copy of "The Sickle" half covered in dirt. Although it was slightly water damaged and appeared to be well used, it seemed to contain the full book. It was a green leather bound pocket size version just for me. I wondered to myself, was it fate or magic that lead me on that particular path that day.
When I say puberty had hit me with a vengeance, I mean I went bonkers. Everything became harder. I began feeling more. Some serious dysfunction was happening at home that didn't help, and I dropped out of high school my first semester junior year due to depression and anxiety.
I’ve been reading a book called The New Codependency. Help and Guidance for Today’s Generation. It is a good read from Codependent No More’s Melody Beattie. I’ve come to realize that blocking my mother on What’s App is a good solution as she picks fights on any Internet medium there is as a way to substitute picking fights in person. I realize through this book that I have to set boundaries by saying that I have to be treated a certain way or that person will not get communicated with. I will not tolerate being made to fight with this person for fun. It causes me stress, anxiety, and many a mental health problem blow out.
I would go as far as to say that getting into a fight with someone triggers mania. Not even explaining that via a doctor’s note will sway my mother. Although I have contemplated getting my doctors to write letters to her, from primary care all the way down the list. I have tried time and again to set boundaries with my mother for goodness sake but nothing works.