Your Death Will Not Be In Vain

It's a funny thing, being a white woman born and raised in Oregon, a notoriously white haven, and championing anti-racism. It's an uphill battle, one worthy of the struggles, but painstaking nonetheless. Now, before I go any further, let me preface this by saying I know it sounds like I'm portraying myself as a victim, or worse yet, a martyr, when actually I'm the lily white skinned winner of the America's most privileged lottery. Just bare with me and I swear I'll get to my very serious and urgent point!

Growing up in a state with so little diversity didn't lead me to the conclusion that the foundation of America is built on racism, hatred, and oppression; I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't truly start thinking about racism, and my part in it, until the Philando Castile case. Watching that video with my hands clasped tightly over my mouth, suppressing heaving sobs, I witnessed an innocent, upstanding citizen be murdered at point blank range, right in front of his girlfriend and child. It one of the most heartbreaking and sickening scenes I have ever observed, and I'm a horror movie fanatic, gore and all.

Back in 2017 I watched that video and it spurred me into a deep dive that led me to an aggregation of real life, tangible evidence that shows how short we've come up in our attempt to reach true racial equity in this "great" nation. I read all the articles about previous police brutality cases and killings of unarmed and innocent black men and women. I watched documentaries like LA 92, about the Rodney King case and the subsequent uprising that led to the some 63 people killed, thousands injured, even more thousands arrested, and an estimated $1 billion in damages in the areas where most of the rioting occurred. I wept the for the entirety of that documentary at the prospect that I'd been brainwashed and lied to my whole life; is America actually equal? I thought civil rights had paved the way for black citizens to enjoy all the opportunities white people have always had!

After LA 92 the fire in me was stoked; I read books like The Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison, listened to podcasts about police brutality and the vast disparities between black and white citizens that plague our country, I listened, truly listened with an open heart and now wide open ears, to the words of Louis Armstrong in (What Did I Do To Be So) Black and Blue; "I'm white inside, but that don't help my case, 'cause I can't hide what is in my face, ain't got a friend , my only sin is in my skin". Looking at those words now it seems so blatantly obvious, but when you're raised to believe racism is a thing of the past, you don't read too much into the very obvious message the black community has been screaming at us for over four hundred years!

I remember those days in 2017 vividly, which is saying a lot as my years of partying have caused a serious shortage of long term memories, but I digress. I wailed to my parents about the injustices that are still occurring, pleaded with them to watch what I was watching because the evidence is right there for anyone who cares to see it! The arguments I got into with my deeply compassionate and empathetic parents were arguments that many people find themselves having right now with their loved ones; "don't be ridiculous, Nicole," my dad would counter, "systemic racism is not real! You're getting bent out of shape over a few police brutality incidents. Most of them are good people!" Sound familiar?

I felt so alone. May I remind you that I hail from Oregon, a state that, while banning slavery in the 19th century, also included in its constitution the banning of black people from residing in its boundaries, voting, making contracts, or using the legal system! The thing our education system leaves out in the telling of history, regarding the Civil War, is that the North wasn't any friendlier or welcoming to black people. They definitely didn't want slavery, but they sure as hell didn't want black people living among them. So what is a white girl to do when she has learned that racism is still alive and well, but residing in an historically white landscape with few resources and even fewer people who believe the same thing? Yep, I let all my newly discovered knowledge fall by the wayside, to be forgotten! It pains me to even type those words, but I am nothing if not accountable for my mistakes, so here we are.

In May, after the horrific execution of George Floyd at the hands of an unapologetic and vile white police officer, the fire of civil unrest was again stoked. How many times does it take for the screams of police brutality and racial inequality before the majority of the country wakes up and demands that this is too much? Too damn many times, but sadly, it's better late than never. People of all races, religions, backgrounds, and ages watched the sickening video of Derek Chauvin smirking into the camera as he overtly chokes out the last breath of yet another black life, and for what? Allegedly trying to use a counterfeit $20 bill? Does that now constitute the death penalty in America, because that's an America I don't want to live in. Keep America great my ass.

At this brazen act of murder, people who once unabashedly championed the system of law and order now started to wonder if there really were only a few bad apples, or if the rest of that idiom was the real truth; a few bad apples can spoil the bunch. Much the same as I had discovered a few short years ago, thousands of American citizens were watching what has been hidden in plain sight to the white community all of our lives; the institutions that we rely on for protection, law and order, truth and justice, and the "American way" were built by white people, the oppressors, to benefit white people, at the detriment of black citizens and, of course, other minorities. It's not enough to say that the system is broken, for a system cannot be broken if its sole purpose is to accomplish white superiority from the outset; it was meant to act this way.

Protests erupted in cities all across our vast nation. It wasn't simply because another black man had been murdered at the hands of a white cop, it was the fact that the cops who were at that scene, including Chauvin, were not arrested immediately. I've heard the response countless time regarding this that investigators needed time to gather evidence before making arrests, but I ask you, if that video footage of Chauvin mercilessly killing George Floyd is not evidence enough, than I am truly scared for the future of this country. The message was unmistakably clear; cops are, and have ALWAYS been above the law they are sworn to uphold, and that the black community is an easy target for them to take out their unchecked aggression and anger on; history repeats itself.

Since that demoralizing event in May, the protests have continued, and a national reckoning is unf0lding before the eyes of this nation; the black community and its allies will no longer sit idly by and watch this insidious and intolerant systemic giant continue to treat black people as it always has. It breaks my heart to know that our fellow citizens have been demanding justice for centuries, and we, the implicit population of white accomplices, have turned a blind eye to it time and again. I know that some of you reading this right now will bristle, and take offense at my accusation that we are all guilty of cruelty to an entire population of human beings, but get used to being uncomfortable because that's the singular way we can forge ahead; the only way out of pain is through it.

Before I lose those of you who have just become wildly angry, please let me attempt to reason with you. I am guilty of too! While my parents raised my twin brother and I to be kind, compassionate, loving people, they didn't teach us how to be anti-racist because they weren't anti-racist themselves! They drank just as much of the color-blind kool-aid as the rest of the United States citizenry. What I've learned over the last couple years, and especially the last several months, is that you don't have to be overtly racist to still be racist. Have you ever heard the term microaggressions? It means making statements such as "I don't see color" or "you don't sound black". I am white, Lebron James is black, Ghandi was brown, etc. We come in all different shades because of a naturally occurring process of pigmentation in human beings. Originally, this was a biological trait that developed as people moved farther away from the equator to locations where there wasn't as much sunlight throughout the year, but that's a topic for another article.

My point is telling someone that you don't see color is silly; we have objectively different skin pigmentation, and to claim you don't see that diminishes the very real and longtime struggles the black community have faced specifically because of that skin color, which is a small part of their very complex identities, a part that they were born with and cannot change, and it's a beautiful thing. You don't sound black, or "you're pretty for a black girl" is not only ridiculous, but implies that our standard of intelligence or beauty is based on the white population being the preferred and superior standard. The cold hard truth is that white people have always considered ourselves superior in every way to black people and other minorities. If you don't believe me, go look up the eugenics movement, and then do some serious soul searching about how you have always perceived black people, especially if you were raised in majority white city or state like I was.

Another hot button issue that has proven to be a contentious topic between conservatives and progressives is the topic of white privilege; a great source of shame for truly understanding believers of the issue, and an absurd and polarizing subject for our conservative counterparts. White privilege, according to the Oxford definition, is inherent advantage(s) possessed by a white person on the basis of their race in a society characterized by racial inequality and injustice. Now, I understand that it can be hard to wrap your head around, but if we're benefitting from the color of our skin in a system that favors white skin, how can we objectively see the advantages if our education isn't expressly teaching us about it?

White privilege, as I've tried in vain to explain to so many non-believers recently, doesn't mean your life hasn't been difficult, it simply means that the color of your skin isn't one of the reasons for a rough life. On the other hand, it is widely known that black parents have to teach their children how to behave in a our majority white society in hopes that they will make it back to their families safe and alive at the end of the day. The list of rules for black adolescents includes not roaming aimlessly around retail shops for fear they'll be suspected of stealing, don't walk around at night, don't listen to your music too loud, and for black boys, be careful around white girls; this is due to a history of black boys and men being historically harassed and lynched for making advances towards white women. If you haven't learned about Emmett Till, let me give you some advice: grab some tissues, sit down, and get ready for story that will make you stomach churn and you head spin.

The extent of the safety talk regarding leaving the house when my brother and I were growing up was this: respect your elders, don't talk to strangers, and call us for a ride if you decide to drink. Sure, my mom was helicopter mom, and I lived in small, safe town where horrific tragedies rarely occurred, but certainly no one was concerned that there was a distinct possibility I wouldn't return home alive should there be a run in with law enforcement. In fact, at 13 I decided to sneak out one night with a group of friends, and was subsequently brought home by the cops; I'll tell you this much: I hardly gave a second thought to the punishment from the police; it was my father waiting at home who put the fear of God in me. I'd have rather gone to jail than await the punishment I had coming from my extraordinarily angry paternal unit.

There are myriad examples of the ways in which this country has always, and continues to, operate using centuries old systems that claim this is just the way it's done. Because it's ingrained in us from birth, we've had no reason to question the status quo, no desire to make waves among our friends, family, and community in an attempt to right the ship and strive for true equity among all America's citizens. What Derek Chauvin, and the multitude of overtly and covertly racist powers that be didn't anticipate at the outset of George Floyd's murder, was that this was the last straw. They misguidedly assumed that this would be like all the previous incidents of police brutality and racial inequality; that we white folk might galvanize for a little while, protest passionately about the "fabricated" false narrative that America is anything other than the land of equal opportunity, and that our passion would, again, quietly be snuffed out by the gaslighting of the ultra rich and ultra racist elite that control the strings of this gruesome and protracted bigoted puppet show that is our reality. Snuffed out like George Floyd's last breath at the knee of this racist machine.

Those ultra rich, racist elite were wrong; the reckoning has begun. At last, the many allies have awoken to repeated calls for civil rights, née, human rights that our black brothers and sisters have been asking for since the birth of this nation. No longer will we keep hidden our desire for a truly just and fair republic, fearful and uncomfortable about the overwhelming task of implementing egalitarianism in the numerous systems that make up our democracy. We will rise up, join hands, and demand of our leadership, if they can call themselves that, that it is the hour to reshape America into a genuinely equitable and unprejudiced country; to finally construct an empire that lives by its shared ideals: liberty, equality, unity, and mobility.

Breonna Taylor's death, and the verdict that was recently handed down, was another blow to the fight for justice, in a year when the hits just keep on coming. Again, the black community and its allies must read between the lines: white police officers, who should have been wearing working body cams that can not directly be manipulated by the cops themselves, were let off with little more than a slap on the wrist for an egregious and erroneous drug raid that left Breonna Taylor dead, and her boyfriend and family traumatized and reeling. I am no longer worried by what my friends and relatives who have dissenting opinions might have to say when I state this for anyone who cares to listen: NO JUSTICE NO PEACE!

I am exceptionally active on Facebook lately, especially in an election year, at a time when a novel pandemic rages around the world, multiple beloved and influential individuals have died (RIP Kobe Bryant, Chadwick Boseman, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, John Lewis, Cliff Robinson, Toots Hibbert, Little Richard, and Fred Willard to name a few), Trump was acquitted of impeachment, historic and devastating wildfires rage on the West coast, and murder hornets were discovered in America; c'mon 2020, we wanted to start the new decade off with a bang, but this has gone too far. As expected, I find myself in political arguments with Trump supporters on the daily, and many of my less politically inclined, less flamboyant friends repeatedly ask me why I would subject myself to so much drama, ridicule, and straight up hatred.

My answer is simple: my conservative comrades and I agree that freedom of speech is an unalienable and indispensable right guaranteed to us by the brilliant work of art that is our constitution. If I only added friends to my Facebook roster that unwaveringly agreed with all of my opinions, I would live in a liberal echo chamber. One of the principle problems in our country today is that of confirmation bias, and only surrounding ourselves with people who think and behave exactly as we do. Of course it's natural to flock to other human beings that share our ideals, but if that's all we did all the time, this country would be a sterile, cookie cutter assembly line that only produced stepford wives. There was a time in history when a certain mustachioed authoritarian attempted to establish a "utopia" like that and it didn't end well.

I continue to argue, calmly and rationally, or at least I attempt to remain so, because the coming together of diverse minds is what this country is supposed to stand for. We are a nation of immigrants, a democracy of dreamers and builders and scholars and lovers who revere the idea that in these United States you can become anything you want. As a whole, we are so privileged to be afforded the freedoms of speech, assembly, religion, press, and the right to petition our government because in so many places around the world, the consequences of calling your leader cadet bone spurs or trumplethinskin could realistically result in prison time or worse. Many of us take for granted the absolute freedoms the founding fathers guaranteed us. It's easy to wake up every morning and go about your business without taking a moment to be grateful to be able to love whomever we choose, to move freely about the country at will, to complain that we don't feel like making dinner so we'll have it delivered instead, and to use our phones as personal computers to watch movies or porn or use GPS or call the police when we feel unsafe.

For me, a white girl from Oregon, it's easy to take these simple pleasures for granted when I've always been accustomed to them, but in doing so, I remained ignorant to the fact that not every citizen in this country is afforded the exact and equal privileges. Before this very tumultuous year, I grew complacent to complaining about my first world problems, and conveniently forgot that many of my black compatriots wake up every day, not only without these privileges, but a heartfelt and unsettling fear that it might be their last day on earth, should they so much as slip and make the slightest social mistake.

So this article is for you, Breonna, and you, George Floyd, and you Philando Castile, and the countless other black American citizens who have lost their battle with this xenophobic murder machine over the course of our country's relatively short history. This article is my pledge and testimony that I will work to ensure your death was not in vain. The time is now, for those who haven't already done so, to stand up, raise your voices, petition your leaders, and shout from the rooftops that we will no longer abide by an unequal and inequitable America. It was Edmund Burke who said the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. Well, Mr. Burke, and Mr. Trump, and anyone who remains willfully ignorant, I say to you this: get ready for the flood because the dam has been broken.