What If the Government Ran a Fast-Food Restaurant?

Everyone keeps telling me that the government should be run more like a business. It should be profitable, efficient, and customer driven.

But what if the tables were turned and main street businesses were run more like the government?

Welcome To Federal Burger. “May I Take Your Order Please?”

After filling out the seven- or eight-page application you would be able to purchase your Federal Burger favorites.

No cash would be accepted at your local Federal Burger. You would be issued your very own Federal Burger debit card. Like a Food Stamp Card.

There are no prices on the menu because people would pay for their Federal Burgers based on their income and economic circumstances like Uncle Sam loves to do.

For example, Person A that has an income of $100,000 would pay $18.00 for their Federal Burger. Fries and drink extra.

Person B that has an income of $50,000 would pay $12 Why not $9? Fifty thousand is half of $100,000,

Government doesn’t’ recognize math as it’s practiced in the real world.

Federal Burger needs the extra $1from person A and $2 from Person B to be “fair” to Person C.

Person C is at the poverty level so to be fair they get their Federal Burger free.

In addition, they also get a brand-new crisp $5-dollar bill with their meal.

Three dollars from Person A & B and an extra two dollars of carbon credits for eating healthy.

Fair is Fair.

The Federal Burger Menu

Menu items at privately-run fast-food restaurants are not politically correct.

“French fries” are offensive to those residents of France. International Fries or “Diversa-fries” would be preferable.

“Hot Apple Turnovers” can’t be used because of their obvious reference to climate change.

“Sesame Seed buns” would be clear violation of the war on drugs. Although Person C could get extra Sesame Seeds since they are probably on some kind of government withdrawal program.

All menu items would of course have to be approved by the nation’s healthy food czar, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez.

No ground beef (excessive methane), cheese, bread, could be used because of the war on obesity.

No sugar would be allowed on the premises. No breaded fish or chicken could be used.

Nothing with artificial coloring of flavoring or trans-fat. No artificial sweeteners or creamers.

The remaining menu items would have to be totally organic and produced by solar or wind energy.

Kids would be protected too. No toys tied to current movies because government can’t endorse one private enterprise over another.

No plastics toys since they would be made from fossil fuels.

Federal Burger Drive Thru?

The Federal Burger drive thru would be restricted to 100 percent electric cars since the idling of convectional automobiles would contribute to CO2 gasses.

Those high-income folks that use the drive through in environmentally friendly automobiles would receive a .02 percent carbon credit reduction in the price of their food or they could donate to Person C above.

Some Final Thoughts

You might be asking yourself, “Who would ever eat in that kind of fast-food restaurant?” The answer is — It really doesn’t matter.

Federal Burger, being a government run operation, doesn’t have to make a profit.

It can lose money all day long and just appropriate a new budget from Congress every year.

All the employees would be union of course. They would have healthcare, childcare allowance, maternity leave, paid vacations, and travel allowance.

They would receive an additional bonus of carbon credit discounts on all their food purchases.

I believe a lot more people would start their own businesses if they could run them like the government.

After all you literally have nothing to lose. Your business couldn’t fail

Take a look at Tom Egelhoff’s Amazon Best Selling Small Business book, “How to Market, Advertise and Promote Your Business or Service in Your Own Backyard.”

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