Dear Presidential Candidates, Be Like Hick, Drop the Heck Out!

It's the year 2019, the country is gearing up for the most important election of a lifetime, and more than 20 candidates, most of which are polling at about 1-2% percent, still believe that they are the only one equipped to do the job.

As someone who truly dreads living through another season of the celebrity-in-chief reality show, I have to say, I would sleep considerably better knowing that there are less than a dozen candidates out there brawling for contributions, air time and attention. Since I'm not granted that luxury, I'm writing this blog post, to get some of that frustration off my chest, and go after a bunch of the candidates, who in my opinion, are the longest overdue for a good old dropout.

The Power of Egocentrism

What do a multi-millionaire congressman, a New York City mayor and a southern spiritual healing mentor have in common? That's right: they all sincerely believe that they are the one. They whole-heartedly believe that they are the best equipped to get working-class people in midwestern states to vote for them. I guess.

Some might find it hard to understand what makes someone like Rep. Tim Ryan, a man with the charisma of a plain hamburger bun, go out and hold rallies in front of hundreds—okay, maybe not hundreds, let's say dozens—of people and make an ass out of himself. What drives this man to set up a website that looks exactly like all of the other 20 campaign websites, just to upload an ad that in no way whatsoever distinguishes itself from the other 20 candidate's ads? Those are questions we might never get an answer to.

Overly Motivated

It was mid-February when Amy Klobuchar, Senator of Minnesota, decided to leave her cozy DC office to stand in the middle of a freakin' snowstorm and announce that—well, you guessed it—she's running for president. Not only is she running, she's running on a consistent platform of "let's not support bold ideas, let's settle for something in between." To be fair, I'm sure Sen. Klobuchar knows more about the midwestern voters we so desperately need than most of the other candidates do, but she's now half a year into her campaign and hasn't gotten any considerable traction. Her biggest moment of press-attention was when somebody leaked that she's a horrible boss and throws things at her staffers. What an inspiring campaign. Amy, I think it's time to drop out and crack a beer with Hickenlooper.

In Pursuit of a Book Deal

Kirsten Gillibrand, Senator from New York, is like the majority of the candidates in that she hasn't moved much in the polls since kicking off her campaign. Nevertheless, she stays highly optimistic and doesn't seem like she's dropping out anytime soon.

One thing that actually sets Gillibrand apart from the crowd of presidential hopefuls is that she very clearly has defined what her campaign centers around: women's rights. Some might argue that's not a great strategy to win over Iowa voters. It's definitely a good strategy to win over New York City book publishers, though.

"At least she's bringing attention to an important issue," one might argue. I would completely agree, if it wasn't for the fact that she's getting a little desperate and taking cheap shots at some of the front-runners. If you're only in it for a better book deal, please don't try to destroy the reputation of some of the people who might actually have to face President mad man in a general election.

Invisibility as a Brand

Rep. Seth Moulton has made invisibility his M.O. In every single interview he does, he gets asked: "Why are you still doing this?" and also, "Who are you?"

Well, he's a congressman from Massachusetts and perhaps the other candidates' greatest fan. Otherwise, I really can not explain why he keeps following them around everywhere. That is everywhere except the debate stage, where he wasn't allowed because he couldn't meet the donation threshold required. Or the polling numbers. Nevertheless, he is as optimistic as always, running around Iowa in desperate need for attention and even decided to write a letter to DNC Chairman Tom Perez, complaining that the requirements for qualifying are not fair.

Steyer on Fire

The latest candidate to join the race, billionaire and liberal activist Tom Steyer, is an especially interesting case. He has been involved in a lot of great activism in the past, particularly by running huge online campaigns, but now has decided that his funds are better invested by running for office himself. The fact that he has no government experience and is a couple of months late to join the race couldn't stop him.

A Shimmer of Hope

While sometimes it seems as if nearly every somewhat popular democrat has taken the bait by the media and decided to run for office, it's worthwhile remembering that one of the most popular has not.

Stacey Abrams' run for Governor of Georgia has brought her tons press attention and grassroots support, yet she ignored all the voices trying to throw her in the mix with presidential aspirants and maturely decided that this field does not need another contender. Instead, she made the decision to fight the political forces that stole her campaign-victory directly and launched an organization to combat voter suppression in America. That's how you put your ego aside and actually make some change!