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50 Funny Things That Covid Probably Got the Blame For

by Warren Patterson 2 months ago in satire

These are not conspiracy theories. Covid did it!!

50 Funny Things That Covid Probably Got the Blame For
Photo by Austin Pacheco on Unsplash

They used to say “curiosity killed the cat”, but these days they’re probably just blaming it on Covid. That’s because Covid gets the blame for everything..

1. Condom ripped?? — Covid!

2. Fell out of an airplane and died on impact?? — Covid!

3. Got diarrhoea?? — Covid!

4. Dog ate the newspaper?? — Covid!

5. Chocolate digestives out of stock?? — Covid!

6. Hairy chest?? — Covid!

7. One number out on the lottery?? — Covid!

8. Mounted a roundabout while driving and eating your fries?? — Covid!

9. Nicholas Cage getting paid to act?? — Covid!

10. Busted while selling coke?? — Covid!

11. Busted while sleeping with your girlfriend’s mum?? — Covid!

12. Late for school because you were shagging the teacher?? — Covid!

13. Bacon missing from the XL bacon double cheeseburger you ordered?? — Covid!

14. KFC running out of chicken?? — Covid!

15. Hair found on your pizza?? — Covid!

16. Pubes found in your mozzarella dippers?? — Covid!

17. Jizz stains left on your trousers?? — Covid.. Or yogurt maybe??

18. Ketchup all over your shirt?? — Covid!

19. Hit the snooze button and were late for the business meeting?? — Covid!

20. Team beat in the football?? — Covid!

21. Burnt the bacon?? - Covid!

22. Got lip fillers put in and now you look horrible?? - Covid!

23. Got plastic surgery and now you look like Michael Jackson?? - Covid!

24. Slept with your ex?? - Covid!

25. Filed for a divorce because you "lost that loving feeling"?? - Covid!

26. Had an accident at work?? - Covid!

27. Went to college and now you're in debt?? - Covid!

28. Went to college but you still ended up a bum?? - Covid!

29. Fell for your best-friend but now she's your ex best-friend?? - Covid!

30. Got food poisoning?? - Covid!

31. Robbed a bank because you were broke?? - Covid!

32. Held up a gas station for a pack of cigarettes?? - Covid!

33. Gained 50lbs in 3 months?? - Covid!

34. Smell like you haven't had a shower in 3 weeks?? - Covid!

35. Can't smell someone who hasn't had a shower in 3 weeks?? - Covid!

36. Fell out of love and fell into bed with the guy at the bar?? - Covid!

37. Hired a prostitute off an illicit sex site?? - Covid!

38. Went to Amsterdam, got high and cheated on your wife with a hooker?? - Covid!

39. Lost your job for playing video games at your desk?? - Covid!

40. Came home drunk at 3am without even a phone call?? - Covid!

41. Stole a lollipop off a blind kid in broad daylight?? - Covid!

42. Phone wouldn't work so you banged it off the wall?? - Covid!

43. Your childhood sweetheart now looks like Shamu?? - Covid!

44. Peanut allergy?? - Covid!

45. Walked out of AA and first stop was the bar?? - Covid!

46. Put mayo over your strawberries thinking it was cream?? - Covid!

47. Accidentally made out with your sister at a nightclub because it was dark and you couldn't see?? - Covid!

48. Accidentally made out with your cousin because she was hot?? - Covid!

49. Fell down the stairs and broke your ankle in 4 places?? - Covid!

50. Threw up on a ride at the theme park and got it all over the kid next to you without even a spot on yourself?? - Covid!

Covid! Covid! Covid!

Ps. This list is not exhaustive. If you have anything to add please do so only if it’s “Covid related”.

satire

Warren Patterson

Weight Loss & Nutrition Coach. Fitness junkie. Solo traveler. Dark chocolate addict. My Weight Loss Course: app.mastermind.com/masterminds/31006

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