You Again, but Why?

Inner dealings.

You Again, but Why?

I want you no more. In your origin you seemed fruitful, but through the entirety of the process I saw you for what you really were. The salty drops fall on my meadows no longer. The reservoir from which they originate shall be depleted. These thoughts I have when you appear to me are of the nefarious kind. Like a Nosferatu, your thirst is unquenchable. However, this gluttonous greed that you withhold will be apprehended from your heart. Worry not though. These precious sins of yours shall be put back where they belong. The abyss that I was trapped in will be their new resting place. Seek them not, for you will never reach them. For none of us can return to the place that we were born. Once we decide to grab that light, we cannot return to the comfortable darkness. Not even you, darkness itself may return to it. While in nature you are dark, but it entitles you not to the bed of darkness.

For so long we were compatible. I thought you to be my only friend. You showed me an ideal world. You showed me how to be logical. But none of what I was shown has actually benefited me, rather it benefited you. You feed off my pain so you may grow stronger and one day permanently be known to all I hold close. Possession at its finest is the perfection that you seek as your protection from who I am. Although I found comfort in you, I don’t want you anymore. When you take over the situation, I remember nothing, but come back to anger and tears. In the end, does it actually hurt? Yes....the person I love. He knows me not when you are introduced time and time again. He asks me the same question I ask you; “Who are you?” Perez you say? That boy is imprisoned. Trapped in Michigan from over a decade ago. Although physically 21, mentally 10. Born on the day they check for shadows, he was destined to live in the very same subject matter of that day. A bright spirit filled with hope and passion for the good of the world. Brought up by a wondrous mother. Sadly, as if it were his origin story, Perez’s light had to be snuffed out. For no light as bright as his is legal. It may even be a sin in accordance to the world. However, instead of the world conquering him, another being did. You. You who claim to be him but in all actuality are the opposite. So similar to where you both are hardly discernible, but at the same time, so different to where a person lacking in all 5 senses could tell fact from fiction. Give me it back. Cast yourself aside and be forgotten like you’re meant to be. Nothingness must return to nothingness. The red sea you have caused to flow must be cleansed. The pool of sorrow you filled must be made right. But of course it’s never so easy. You are mount Everest. Nearly impossible to overcome and holding strong in stubbornness and pride. Your poise is unmatched. However the determination and purity of a longing child is mighty. One with Him in his heart is even stronger and can overcome anything....even you oh foul speck. Your demonic aura quivers in His light. Be gone and accept your fate. Become foolhardy and alleviate this poor child. Wait...don’t go....who am I without you.....who are you....? Come back to me so I may be estranged once more. Come back and place me in the vast comfortable ocean of darkness. It’s bed is so warm when placed in the trenches. So come back to me. Please....pitiful darkness embrace this empty vessel so that it may sleep in your obscure presence forever more.

personality disorder
Perez U. Hamilton
Perez U. Hamilton
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Perez U. Hamilton

It is always best to write out your emtions, or to choose some other healthy creative form of release for them. Everything I share will be in its raw form and the emotions and ideas will be in the like matter. Enjoy.

See all posts by Perez U. Hamilton