What Happens if Death Decides to Throw You a Surprise Party?

Frightening to think about, right? That's the thing; most live life as they live forever. Much live life on "tomorrow's," but what if tomorrow never comes? Have you ever thought about that?

Over the last six months, I have been thinking more and more about death. Not sure why? But I imagine some of it has to do with being 46 years old and having those pass around me about the same age. That alone will get you thinking. Thinking about death or even facing it has a way of humbling you.

We are living in a crazy world right now. There is a massive agenda in play here, but we will save that for another article. Everything is being played out exactly how "they" planned. They are instilling fear at an alarming rate, from Covid and all its variants, race-baiting and Media manipulation.

I try and keep a straight head through all of this. But even when you are aware of shit, there are times the best forms of gaslighting can work their way into your thoughts.

I tested positive for Covid today. While the virus is real, I don't know what to believe. I always said I would take my chances with Covid over the vaccine they seemed to develop overnight. Well, I got what I asked for.

Is it scary, having it? Hell yes, it is! I can feel my body trying to adjust to what is going on, and it's struggling. The fear is starting to creep in from the media and political gaslighting. My mind starts going to dark places. What if I have a preexisting condition I don't know about, and Covid conveniently finds it for me?! I recently had a friend out in Las Vegas same age as myself, die from Covid two weeks ago. They are still waiting for the coroner report, but we were the same age, still scary beings.

I also read Covid can take a turn for the worse quickly. So, with every bit of pain I have, I start to panic about maybe this is it! It's exhausting. It hasn't been easy, but nowhere near as sick as I've ever been. My only concern is with it being lab-made; my body can't adjust to it. The fever is the most challenging part with the shakes and sweats.

I've learned a lesson from all the fear of Covid and actually thinking about death and finally realizing I won't live forever. I definitely need to start living my life differently.

I've spent my entire life worried about what others think about me. I've spent four years chasing an abusive asshole that could care less if Covid killed me. I mean, she may say she cares, but her actions speak a totally different language. I was losing people in my life that cared about me while chasing someone that didn't give a fuck about me. My whole world revolved around someone who would replace me in seconds, cheat, lie, hit me, and manipulate me while portraying a caring person's life with a successful life coaching business. The delusion is unreal.

Life really is short. The only problem with it being short is no one really considers life isn't forever, so they go through life wasting time on things that aren't worth the effort! I have met so many caring and helpful people in my short time with writing here and on Quora.

I believe me getting Covid was a shout-out from the Universe telling me to wake the fuck up and start living! Looking back at my relationship makes me sick of what I allowed. I deserve so much better, and I used so much energy on someone that didn't love me; hell, she didn't even like me. One thing I learned from her is I know love exists. Because I know I loved her, there is no other explanation. Some of it is a trauma bond, but it was true love. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. She knows it, and I know it. But she wouldn't do anything for me, but sure would for others. I wish her luck in finding what she lost because I am GONE! I will never allow myself to be treated like she treated me again. And how I change that is to start treating myself better. I needed her abuse to show me what I needed to work on, and for that, I thank her.

So, if you are going through life's motions with no real purpose, or maybe you are in a dead-end job or an abusive relationship, take a good hard look at what you are doing. Why are you allowing this in your life? As far as we know, we only live once, why waste it with people that don't love or respect you? Why waste it on a job you can and will be replaced tomorrow? If someone in your life means something to you, let them know today, not tomorrow. Tomorrow might never come.

Life doesn't revolve around money or your career; that's doesn't define you. I get it, and I used to think it did. I chased money and image for YEARS! I'm here to tell you it's one hell of a toxic way to live.

No one cares how much money you have; no one cares what you do for a living; no one cares if you have a studio apartment or a six-bedroom house in the burbs. Who cares? If they do care, they aren't quality people, and I don't want them in my life.

There is so much more to life than all the superficial bullshit. Many sit around bitching about their life while they keep making the same mistake that brings them miserable comfort. They won't do anything different but love to bitch about how unfair life can be. While it can be, I know it can; most of our shortcomings are from poor choices.

So many are afraid to be held accountable for their actions. Take responsibility for your life and quit looking to others to guide you. That's how we learn, mistakes.

Don't confuse mistakes with abuse. Abusive people have a distorted reality of what mistakes and abuse are. You might be dating a manipulative person, and they ridicule you because you won't forgive them for their "mistakes." That's where your awareness comes in, and you have to have boundaries.

It's incredible how some of the most challenging times in your life can be life's greatest gift if you take the time to dissect the situation.

It's not easy, I know it. I've lived the distracted life for 45 years. The good thing is you are reading this; there is still hope for change.

My suggestion would be to start living your own party, not one where death shows up and surprises you.