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Weeping Angel's blue

Wrong type of people

By KodahPublished 2 months ago โ€ข Updated 2 months ago โ€ข 2 min read
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I couldn't manipulate the fact that people could look at me, talk to me then have an opinion based off a 30 minute conversation. It could either be "I like you a lot, let's talk more"... or.... "I don't like you, let's stop talking." And even though it could sound so confrontational to some people, they would still have this look of displeasure.

Now when I know someone finds me strange...I know myself is strange. I didn't know what expectations or perspectives people have on me, but if it's never positive then I can confirm to my true self that there is something certainly wrong with me.

I weep for the angels to bring me back to the past... I weep to blink and close my eyes for the tragic tug of time. Brings me back to the time when I stumbled in life~

I knew there had to be something wrong with me. It didn't feel normal for a young person to feel this way...I rather liked to hide this feeling by locking myself away in my room where I would shield all the negative energy entering my space. Or maybe I was the negative energy...

I never wanted to self-diagnose myself to any sort of illness, knowing I'm not going to achieve anything by self-diagnosing. But it was either the fact that I was friends with the wrong type of people, or I've gained this complicated ego where I would think outside of everyone...

I weep for the angels to bring me back to the past... I weep to blink and close my eyes for the tragic tug of time. Brings me back to the time when I stumbled in life~

What if it was because I was friends with people who not only didn't understand me, but never gave me a chance to see what my life was like. I felt like I had to sense of who I was when I was still around the wrong type of people. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the past and change the time when I created difficulties in my life.

I felt like a puppet. But moreover, a clone of my non-true self who fled my subconscious mind. With no sense of what to do. Unable to process the acts being privately conducted against me by people I thought I could trust/

I didn't feel backstabbed. I won't say that. But I felt rather embarrassed for allowing myself to be in a position like that.

I couldn't just control and change myself for these people. I had to leave who wasn't serving me justice.

Even though my definition of 'failure' was never quite noted by the people who knew I was trying.

I didn't want these people to acknowledge my 'trying'. It made me feel different from everyone else...

I weep for the angels to bring me back to the past... I weep to blink and close my eyes for the tragic tug of time. Brings me back to the time when I stumbled in life~

Now, when I left those people. I made sure I asserted that I was not going to excuse myself with the usual escape of 'not trying'. I tried with all my heart to fix myself for them~

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Authors Notes:

Thank you for reading my piece! ๐Ÿ’“

humanitydisorderdepression
10

About the Creator

Kodah

- Storyteller, Love/Romance, Poetry, Dark, Mental health, Psychological, Surreal, Nature, Mythical

~๐“ข๐“ฝ๐“ธ๐“ป๐“ฒ๐“ฎ๐“ผ ๐“ฌ๐“ช๐“ท ๐“ซ๐“ฎ ๐“ช ๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฝ๐“ต๐“ฎ ๐“ญ๐“ฎ๐“ฎ๐“น~

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Comments (1)

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  • Dharrsheena Raja Segarran2 months ago

    "I didn't feel backstabbed. I won't say that. But I felt rather embarrassed for allowing myself to be in a position like that." This was so freaking extremely relatable! I'm soooo sorryyyyy you had to experience all these things and feelings ๐Ÿฅบ Sending you lots of love and hugs โค๏ธ

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