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The Rewards of Accepting Responsibility for Personal Pain and Suffering: No Matter the Cause

An essay

By TestPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
2
The Rewards of Accepting Responsibility for Personal Pain and Suffering: No Matter the Cause
Photo by sydney Rae on Unsplash

It was the step toward taking responsibility that moved me from a constant state of coping with trauma into healing it. Not the responsibility to pay bills, show up for work on time, and take the trash out, but the responsibility for my own mental processes and emotional processing without projecting my fears and anger upon others, despite, how the pain and suffering were caused.

This is an innate need, accepting responsibility, that is much stronger within anyone who has ever been victimized or traumatized because truth must and will prevail. My truth is that compassion, empathy, and kindness are greater than and will overcome hate and bigotry whether inside me or in interactions with others. There are times, however, that call upon me to be the villain that continues to uphold peace-promoting beliefs and values.

Interactions with others were and still are one of the most challenging elements within my recovery from trauma because in these uncertain, turbulent times a lot of egos are filled with political identities that don't lend themselves to much tolerance. These interactions put a large amount of pressure on me. They make it necessary for me to be gentle with myself while maintaining personal boundaries with assertion.

To fully overcome trauma, a letting go of my attachment to an ego identity that no longer served was required, so that a new one could be born and become a place where fresh talent and potential are realized. Fighting the ego release that was involuntarily forced upon me only prolonged the suffering. This delay for transformation was, however, necessary because it was a safe place from learning more about the possibilities and potentials within myself, which can be both scary and exhilarating.

This process of detachment from old identities was by far easy for me but well worth the frustration involved. There was a tendency to want to stay within the feeling of loss while simultaneously thriving toward an unknown destination. Every two steps forward resulted in a step back. My pace was to be present and allow one day at a time to pass by, while everyone else around me moved through their day on autopilot. And at the end of the day, peace and tranquility found me.

Throughout trauma recovery, my mind desired peace and was forced toward it by a will designed to reach it. It wasn't so much freedom from noises and commotion within the environments that were craved. It was a release from the mental and emotional turmoil, which clung to the memories of discrimination that was directed at me in addition to my more joyful and happy memories. After a trauma like this occurred, all the information that was consumed by me was used to reevaluate and strengthen values, which had been breached through the vices of others.

One of the most challenging factors to overcome is fear because it is always and will forever be with me in this material world. It seats itself within the primitive structures of my brain and can't be walked away from because of the hormones and neurotransmitters urging it on. Yet, there is something stronger than it, despite, its biological makeup. This greater force is born out of not only a love for myself but also kindness and compassion toward others.

All in all, through taking responsibility for my psychological functioning and letting go of unhelpful ego identities after trauma manifested, peace was able to visit me, and new potentials were discovered. Fear will always be lurking in the shadows, but realizing that there is a greater force over it gives me the courage and confidence to push it aside.

recovery
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