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The Modern Day Vampires.

by Blue Dymond about a year ago in advice
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Are They Draining You?

The Modern Day Vampires.
Photo by Mason Kimbarovsky on Unsplash

An emotional vampire, no not the blood sucking monster that you're used to reading about these days, (or in the case of twilight, the glittery hunks); This vampire does pretty much the same as the above mentioned blood suckers only instead of blood they gain strength by feeding off of your emotions.

I can tell you guys are looking like, how could someone possibly feed off of your emotions? Well, I am a living witness that these creatures do exist. They may not have fangs, sleep in coffins, or come out at night time but I think that makes them even more dangerous.

They can be your beautiful new girlfriend or boyfriend that currently has you on an ongoing emotional rollercoaster ride you just cant seem to get off of; your mother or father who constantly makes you feel bad about something yet you don’t know what you did, or that bestfriend that likes to make it seem like you’ve neglected them when all you’ve done is miss a text. Trust me, the vampires can be surrounding you and you wont even know it.

So, to protect you from the emotion feeding soul suckers I've gathered 5 basic characteristics of an emotional vampire and hopefully it helps you to realize that you’ve been letting these people dine on you for free.

1.) Extreme validation needed

I say extreme because, well, it is. This characteristic first shows up very subtly. Think of those "I did a good job right?" and the " you should appreciate me more" type of people occupying your life right now. It goes from needing validation from everything they do and say to creating a complete delusion that everything is about them. These drainers are the ones who seem to always turn conversations to themselves when you yourself are venting or being excited about something in your own life. Its all me, I, and my with them and when you interfere with that they are not afraid to manipulate you to feel as if you're the one not paying them any attention.

2.) They Play The Victim

They don't care about the situation or that there is a way out. The only thing they care about is the fact that they have something to complain about. These types of vampires can really leave you feeling drained if they are close friends or relatives. They like to play the “my life is over” card or th e "everyone has it better than me" chime. Nothing you say or do will change their thought process and if you're an empathetic person this will drain you repeatedly.

You can have a great emotional connection to someone and want them to feel loved and know that you are there but if they're emotional vampires it will never be enough. They will leave you depleted, exhausted, and feeling guilty that you are in a better place and they are not.

3.) Replace Your Vibes

Emotional vampires have a tendency to "pop your bubble". When you're feeling positive, happy, and/or feeling great about a new idea, they love to come through and throw in some negativity. By the time they're done with you those good vibes are replaced with doubt, insecurity, and sometimes guilt.

They covet what you have and the emotions you carry. Instead of them understanding that its enough of positivity and love to go around they end up with a "its either me or neither of us" type of mindset and since they aren't willing to get their own emotions under control they will destroy yours.

4.) They Are Always Right

Emotional vampires will never admit to being in the wrong. They will use manipulation, guilt, or anger in order for you to agree with their point of view and admit that they were right from the start. If you stand your ground on your beliefs don't put it past them to hold a grudge to later prove their point of views.

5.) They Will Manipulate

Emotional vampires will do anything to get a reaction out of you whether good or bad. As long as they are the reason for your it they are happy. Your vampire will create, manipulate, sabotage, or lie, to get a response. They are mostly passive aggressive and instead of being direct about what they want or expect, they will leave you walking on eggshells afraid of what they will say or do next. This can not only cause anxiety but it can also cause for you to question your own values and motives in the long run.

Going Forward

Now, if you take a look into your life and realize you're riddled with bite marks, then its time to close up shop. Understand that you were not placed here for them to feed on you. The best way to deal with them is to quit cold turkey. I know for some that's not possible. Maybe its your mother, spouse, or sibling that's been biting you.

In that case its best to be aware. Acknowledge what they are doing and prepare yourself for it. Keep your voice level and remain nonchalant. For example, if your wife is the vampire and you realize that she's been sabotaging your new goal of running every morning by purposefully asking you to run an errand or watch the kids during your run time; The best thing to do would be to first acknowledge what's happening, then prepare. Instead of giving her a reaction, go out and buy a jogging stroller and take the kids with you or run the errand after your jog. Whatever you do, don't allow her to know that you are bothered.

Understand that this is not a long term fix. You are now cornering your vampire and they will go into survival mode wreaking havoc on your emotions and your sanity. You will need to speak with them or possibly suggest therapy because they will need to acknowledge what they are doing as well. The longer you allow this type of behavior to go on the more contagious they will become.

Just like mythical vampires, emotional ones can also "turn" you. Before you know it you've joined their clan and you're taking daily trips hunting to go find your own emotional feast to feed off of. Which goes to say that emotional vampires are not bad people they're hurt people with insecurities that only they can acknowledge and fix. Instead of them understanding and accepting their own emotions they find more value from yours. After going through that for so long you stop trusting your own emotions and you start to feast on others for theirs.

Its time to stop the feeding. Stop the cycle. Acknowledge. Prepare. Change.

Author's Note: As always, if you liked what you've read dont forget to hit the heart button right below and/or leave a tip. Thanks for reading.

advice

About the author

Blue Dymond

A little bit of everything from Psyche, to fiction, to poems. Come take a look around, we're all friends here!

Instagram: @thatgirlbluedymond

Facebook: Blue Dymond

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