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The 3 'C's' of Overcoming Loneliness

So you feel whole and complete, eager to live life.

By Kevin BrownPublished 2 years ago 11 min read
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Photo Credit: Lukas Rychvalsky on Unsplash

You can’t die of loneliness. But it sure feels like you can.

You might feel it in your heart. A heavy ache in your chest might be accompanied by a painful lump in your throat. Tears may not flow, leaving you choking on what’s missing in life. You long for friends you abandoned or lost while you feel dependent on someone else for happiness.

To fight back against this pain, you need to stay strong on your darkest days. Whether you’re isolated physically or have recently moved to a new location, first, understand you’re not alone in feeling lonely.

Loneliness is an epidemic

Around the world, loneliness is hurting people. Throughout workplaces and school classrooms, communities, and institutions, in countries hit hard by pandemics and natural disasters, as well as regions shocked by climate change and inflation. Loneliness is a problem everywhere, for every reason imaginable.

But loneliness isn’t going away soon because there are too many reasons for people to feel lonely. Some people feel lonely because they struggle to socialize with others. Others feel judged. Some feel a lack of confidence so connecting with others is difficult. Regardless of the reason or place, where there’s loneliness, there’s a bigger problem making the effects of loneliness worse.

In Turkey, for example, studies found that the COVID-19 pandemic has contributed to nearly half of the country feeling lonely. The exact numbers vary, but close to half the people in this country feel lonely, mostly due to the social isolation caused by quarantine. The same could be said in the United States and many other countries because the problem is the pandemic. Communities had to react to stay safe and that leaves plenty of people feeling disconnected and detached.

Still, people chose to fight loneliness by passing the time with hobbies. For example, gaming is popular in Japan, as gamers can bounce back in life while chatting online with friends and competing. In 2019, the industry earned more than three hundred billion. That number suggests there are plenty of gamers in the country who spend many hours gaming. If you think of next-gen graphics and today’s immersive gameplay, many of those gamers probably feel less lonely than those who don’t play.

But even if you do have games, family, and friends to keep you company, you can still feel lonely. That is, unless you stick to the strategies for being free of loneliness for months.

So, what are the three ‘C’s' to overcome loneliness?

The three ‘C’s’ of overcoming loneliness are designed to make you feel stronger and capable of forging your path. While loneliness often stems from feeling like you’re lacking purpose in life, learning to love yourself and stay busy are the most effective ways to overcome its effects. First, you need strength, which comes from having what?

1. Courage

Courage lets you endure the challenges of loneliness long enough to overcome its effects. Courage gives you the resourcefulness needed to survive the heartache, the sadness, the pain, and the suffering.

More often than not, you have to permit yourself to feel uncomfortable. You can escape your comfort zone to find love, or, branch out to find more colleagues to add to your network, but without courage, you’re fearful, and that fear stops you from being courageous.

Don’t worry if fear is getting in the way of your doing more to have contact with people. Here are the four steps needed to be courageous enough to overcome loneliness.

1. Don’t settle for self-pity

Forget spending long hours wallowing in regret and self-doubt. Feeling sorry for yourself makes everything worse, but putting your mind toward feeling better will give you the strength needed to take a step forward. Whether that’s connecting with more people or learning how to love yourself more profoundly.

Photo Credit: Adrian Swancar on Unsplash

2. Occupy your time always

Reading, writing, and learning are all constructive ways to spend your time. Studies show reading opens your mind as the pain of loneliness slowly fades away. Writing can help you process tough emotions and make sense of the past. Learning will help you improve your skills so that you can love yourself even more. Fill your time with activities meant to better yourself and leave loneliness behind. Be courageous by staying busy and you’ll feel less isolated over time.

3. Take big steps to get connected

Share your knowledge and insight on social media profiles like Quora and Reddit. Then, proactively speak out on issues that matter. Speaking out about topics that interest you add meaning to your life. You can watch loneliness fade when you start a blog or volunteer. You can look at people in your networks and see how you can solve their problems. You won’t be lonely if you dare to take big steps to get connected.

4. Reach out for help in an emergency

At worst, loneliness can cause your mental health to decline. Crisis hotlines require courage to reach out to when you’re hurting. Whatever’s eating you today, remember that counselors can help best when you explain to them how lonely you feel. What’s causing the feelings is equally important, so reach out to a therapist or counselor if you feel so lonely you can’t function. You’re suffering from clinical depression and some treatment may help.

But even with mental health treatment, staying busy, and not feeling sorry for yourself, something’s missing. You’ve learned to occupy your time, but daily communication isn’t there.

2. Conversation

Conversation is what keeps you in touch with people so you don’t feel lonely. By saying hello to an old friend or checking in on a neighbor, you show people around you that they matter.

Longer conversations let you gain an authentic perspective on people’s feelings. You can feel what they’re going through because you’ve taken the time to listen and offer feedback, especially, if, during small talk, you’re able to assess your posture and use of gestures. The more time you talk with others, the more communication opportunities present themselves. The deeper your connection to people around you, making for fewer feelings of loneliness overall.

You should talk to someone every day, no matter what, but if you’re struggling with loneliness, you might find it difficult to do so. Even so, it’s best to resist the urge to withdraw, and instead, follow this four-step checklist for starting conversations when you’re lonely.

1. Listen more than you speak

People want to know they matter. Words have more meaning when you listen intently. Ask questions and wait for answers. Get the full scope of what someone says before making judgments. Abandon assumptions about others and use your ears more than your mouth. Listening lets you in on people’s experiences and feelings.

Photo Credit: Matt Sclarandis on Unsplash

2. Relax when doing small talk.

A conversation is an opportunity to add meaning to your life, so let go of feelings of embarrassment and allow yourself to relax while talking. Instead of worrying about the gazillion things that go wrong in a conversation, be casual. Yes, loneliness makes conversation more challenging when you fall out of habit, but if you can push yourself to smile and have fun, loosening up and talking naturally will come second nature.

3. Pay attention to your body language

Shrugging your shoulders means you don’t care. Checking your watch says you don’t want to talk. Yawning or sighing indicates you’d rather be on your way. You probably know about these gestures and body language signs because you’ve seen them from someone else. When having conversations with others, think about how your body language makes them feel. Expect to feel lonely if you’re sending the wrong message.

4. Try to keep conversations going.

Short talks will leave you feeling detached from the people you speak with. But open-ended questions give people the freedom to answer their way. Resist the urge to settle for a “Hello” and “Goodbye”. Instead, comment on something interesting related to the last thing the speaker said. Show genuine interest by asking additional questions and smiling. If you’re ready to leave loneliness behind for good, talk about mutual interests to keep a conversation going. You might be surprised by the results, maybe even open to talking to more people.

I once had a conversation with a mental health professional regarding a poem I’d written. The poem revealed my previously held pessimistic beliefs about the world. A world where everything that happened was something I couldn’t control. Opening up to a stranger wasn’t easy, but in doing so I confronted my attitude in ways I would never have done in isolation.

Though lonely and alienated, the candid discussion gifted me an opportunity to learn and grow. Just as being an enthusiastic listener, an emotional speaker will help you fight off feelings of loneliness for good.

Still, the feeling of loneliness won’t go away without a commitment on your part. Here’s why staying focused on your goals is so important going forward.

3. Commitment

Some nights, your room will be too dark and too quiet. Other times you’ll be in the middle of a party, yet feel all by yourself. Despite the thoughts forcing you deeper into your head, you still have to know a plan is needed to overcome loneliness for good. Ideally, sitting in your room and attending social events doesn’t make you feel lonely. To achieve this, stick to a plan. One that will help you cope while you’re lonely.

The plan must include the decisions you’ll make to stay focused on communicating more often. In addition, the plan must also include the strategies you’ll use to cope when loneliness becomes overwhelming. We’ll call this the Never Lonely Again Plan and use it to monitor our mental health. If you’re not sleeping, not eating, or losing more interest in things you liked doing, you need a commitment to overcome the problem. Together, the decisions and strategies make up the plan, the plan you’ll stick to for staying committed. Here’s what your plan should include.

1. Include loneliness-crushing goals

Goals should stimulate regular communication with family and friends, colleagues and coworkers, and anyone you can and should reach out to. Your goals should be clear and specific and they should include a timeframe for completion. They should also be goals that you can track over time. Your goals should prioritize social activity and should keep you focused on meeting important appointments. Start by identifying your strengths, and what you excel at, so you can chase goals that help you love yourself a little more. Loneliness goals should help you stay connected and self-confident.

Photo Credit: Stefan Spassov on Unsplash

2. Add pressure to your routines and responsibilities

Fight boredom and sadness by pressuring yourself to meet your minimum responsibilities, no matter what. Loneliness can lead to depression which makes doing chores, running errands, and even paying bills more challenging. Make sure the basics are completed each day so you won’t feel like you’re losing yourself while feeling lonely. Routine creates structure and order, adding meaning and significance to daily activities. Add your daily commitments to your loneliness-crushing goals. Routine is essential to overcoming loneliness for good.

3. Evaluate your progress weekly.

Commit to checking your progress once a week. You’ll need to understand what behaviors have contributed to positive mood changes, as well as what behaviors have led you to feel lonelier and sadder. Loneliness is felt when a variety of other emotions get mixed. So, if you’re feeling sadder, more isolated, and lonelier than ever, you need change. While meeting new people and taking care of your responsibilities, watch for signs of progress. Seeing yourself overcome loneliness will help you continue making changes to your benefit.

4. Give yourself a way to keep trying no matter what

A tendency when feeling depressed and lonely is to give in to the feeling. Sit at home on your couch or bed and allow yourself to feel sadder, emptier, and lonelier than ever. You might even be inclined to withdraw from clubs or cut back on work. Maybe isolate from friends and family all because you’re feeling so lonely. But your strategy for staying committed must give you a way to bounce back when you’re overwhelmed. Whether that means recording a quiet self-affirmation or finding new ways to make life meaningful, a commitment to fighting loneliness means never giving up on trying to feel better.

Photo Credit: Tim Foster on Unsplash

Final thoughts

The three C’s of overcoming loneliness are courage, conversation, and commitment. You need the courage to endure loneliness and conversation to fight against it. Commitment to continuing getting connected but all three words combined to see the greatest effect. With courage, conversation, and commitment you can love yourself more. In the end, appreciating your self-worth and values is the key to overcoming loneliness.

Whether you’re physically isolated from others or have just resolved a divorce, you deserve to feel happy and accepted in life, but this journey is an uphill battle. The beginning of this battle should start with you believing you’ll fight to overcome loneliness. Despite the pain that it brings, end each lonely day knowing loneliness can’t stick with you. Especially, not now since you’re trying so hard.

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About the Creator

Kevin Brown

Emerging content writer. Thriller fiction writer and self-destructive behavior expert. Publishing words for progress, change, perseverance, and hope.

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