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Pitiful, Scorned and Disillusioned

The 3 Oracle Cards I Pulled to Help Me Face My Shadow

By Yela Published 3 years ago 5 min read
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Apologies for the poor quality, I had to enlarge the organic photo with a free photo-editor.

Merry Christmas Eve and Happy Holidays to all!

I speak a lot on the psychological concept of the Shadow archetype, that which acts as an active part of the repressed areas in our psyche.

If you read my two previous stories here on Vocal, you probably are able to tell by now that I partake personally in actively understanding my own Shadow.

One way that I've learned to communicate with my Shadow archetype is by using my intuition and assessing oracle cards, and sometimes additional Tarot cards for clarification as well.

Jung often spoke about dreams and how our unconscious repressions would often play out in our sleep as a way for us to finally recognize these symbols often hidden in everyday life. This significance towards the interpretation of dreams and symbols I think are capable of being understood through the archetypal symbols of the Tarot and through the spiritual messages of Oracle decks, too.

I recently experienced a lot of anger in my life, mostly as secondary emotions, I say secondary because although content and very much grateful for being alive, these emotions weren't something that I would pretend were not there inside of me.

I use active verbal introspection through video to help me gather my thoughts and feelings, which usually overtime, slowly heighten my awareness within the dark areas of my Shadow that I may often have a hard time understanding.

On Monday 12/21/20, I pulled three oracle cards from my Twin Flame Shadows deck by Mystic Moon Oracle, yes a deck dedicated to the use of clarifying the intentions of a divine romantic counterpart, however when I do my own personal readings and communicate with Spirit, I am sure to be extra careful with my words in letting them know that my intentions are to seek for personal clarification rather than interpersonal or romantic afflictions.

I asked Spirit to show me what I needed to see, to help me recognize the things within me that I have been having a hard time accepting.

After some momentary meditation, I drew these 3 cards in the blurry-image depicted above.

Pitiful, Scorned and Disillusioned.

On first blush, I had no idea what these cards were trying to tell me. I sat there looking at them wondering where in my life could these words relate to.

Fleeting hunches would come up, but they were not enough to stick-out to me, so I decided to sleep on it and come back to these 3 cards when I felt it in my soul to do so.

As anticipated, yesterday on 12/23, I found myself reflecting once again through video, and remembered the 3 oracle cards I had pulled to better understand my Shadow, two days prior.

I finally put my head and heart to the test on video, and went with whatever my instincts told me.

I managed to gain a lot of insight and clarity, and even managed to get 45 minutes of footage that I used to help further develop my journal entry towards these 3 energies.

One common theme between all 3 of these cards was a sense of not showing up for myself -- counting on others in areas where I lacked in acknowledging my needs.

I found in my recent relationship, that ended earlier this month, I was being pitied often by my partner and never spoke on how that made me feel to him.

I was keen to bring out aspects of him that would bother me, but was not as adamant on opening up about my own insecurities.

I realized that although pity and sympathy were often what I got, what I desired was praise and encouragement from him, but how could I receive that from him if I lacked in doing so for myself?

Was I also showing pity to myself in my life that I wasn't completely aware of?

I had been scorned for some time, building up anger and resentments towards the past that I've noticed has continued to be pushed off and talked less about.

I've learned that the past will catch up with you one way or another and that you can only be in a state of indifference for so long until you unconsciously resent the fact that you feel painfully lonely by the lack of initiative you show to the people in your life.

Disillusioned to believe that people understand my thoughts, and not caring entirely whether they completely do or not, really ties into that indifference, the word I used to my ex the last time we spoke about how I had been feeling, one night in his bedroom.

Truth is, that authentic and intimate connection is what we all crave and we can act all day like it doesn't matter until you realize that you are cut-off or afraid by your own vulnerabilities.

Disillusioned by your shrouded perception of superiority, can lead to a downfall of misconstrued resentments towards your own self, for not taking the chance to be open, receptive and working to feel understood.

It's one thing to feel okay within yourself and accept that you understand your intentions, it's another for another soul to do so.

I'm realizing that although I may have what feels like effortless amounts of empathy within me, it often takes work to use it constructively in building deeper bonds with those that I love, it is often not enough to say you "tried" and to stop there and never try again, it is the tedious and monotonous efforts over time that gradually builds these bonds.

Using it constructively as opposed to destructively, which can be seen as a form of subconscious self-sabotage, like not choosing to open-up or putting the past off, or holding back from speaking on insecurities, or taking excessive pity onto current circumstances.

I choose here today to acknowledge these Shadow tendencies and say:

Hello.

I see you.

I will work to understand your efforts in my life and make art out of it.

You will be seen and acknowledged, not only by me, but by others in my life, too.

Thank you for bringing clarity and insight to my psyche. I cherish your misunderstood intentions and choose to see them as hidden lessons that are bound to grow gradually as I mature over time. I will work to understand you, and then set you free.

~Yela xx.

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About the Creator

Yela

I write as I’m meant to, just as I breathe as I’m meant to.

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