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Panic Attacks Are a Life Sentence

The darkness that lies within

By Cheryl E PrestonPublished 5 years ago Updated 2 years ago 4 min read
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Panic attacks change your view of life

Panic Attacks are disturbing

As a child growing up, I knew I was different from everyone else. The sights and smells of certain foods made me ill, and I had a finicky appetite. If I smelled something that disagreed with me it would feel as if my breath were being cut off. At other times I would be eating, and it would feel as if I was unable to swallow. I broke out in cold sweats and was very nervous in crowds.

I kept all of this to myself because I was ashamed that no one else seemed to have these issues. At age 12 I had a sinus infection, and after I finished the antibiotics my nose continued to run every single day. I would blow and blow, and there seemed to be no end of the mucus. When I was 14 I was given allergy tests, and after they had injected a number of substances into my system I began to feel as if I were blacking out. My eyesight got fuzzy and the room was going dark. Voices were muffled and I had ringing in my ears. I was told to put my head between my legs, and eventually, that helped.

Why am I so different?

At age 16 I drank beer for the first time, and after a few sips I had the same experience that took place when I was tested for allergies. Sounds and voices were muffled, there was a ringing in my ears, and everything was going black. The same thing happened at age 18 when I tried weed for the first and last time. Other people spoke of feeling good when they drank or got high, but I was feeling as if I were going to pass out.

After the birth of my third child at age 33, I began having sensations as if I were fading away. I cried and prayed, and asked God not to let me die and leave my baby. Six months later I was driving, and everything around me became black and fuzzy. I made it to my destination, but I was terrified. I made a doctor's appointment and as I waited for three days, I lived in this black fog. It was then that I was diagnosed with panic attacks. For whatever reason, my system is wired for these strange occurrences.

Panic attacks are like looking through a rainy window glass

Additional pain and suffering

In addition, I suffered from night terrors and sleep paralysis since childhood. I was prescribed medication and began counseling and I started walking two or three miles a day, and things seemed to get better. Over the years I have dealt with a lot of extreme situations, and the panic attacks began to shift and medication did not help. I would wake up from sleep gasping for breath, or for no reason have the sensation of not being able to breathe or swallow. I literally would lose the ability to inhale and exhale and it was frightening.

In the early days, muscle relaxers would help, but as you age these medications can cause dementia, so they are not prescribed. I had one doctor tell me that as long as I perceived my situation as not changing, no medication would work. I really did not want to be on prescription drugs anyway. So now, I deal with the panic. I can feel in my body when I am too tired, and when an attack might be coming on. I drink lots of water, walk, and exercise, and do deep breathing.

Later life

Because of menopause I often am awake late at night and cannot sleep. This causes me to be tired, and the next night I would have a panic attack. I understand that until some things change that are bothering me, I will have to suffer through these episodes. They are a part of who I am. Sometimes I go several months without one, but life happens and off I go again. As of this update I have not had a panic attack in over a year but I deal with acid reflux and indigestion. I was told once that your body cannot process more than one things at a time so perhaps one issue has been replaced with another.

panic attacks
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About the Creator

Cheryl E Preston

Cheryl is a widow who enjoys writing about current events, soap spoilers and baby boomer nostalgia. Tips are greatly appreciated.

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