Living With Depression

by Tabby McClean about a year ago

The Life of a Depressed Person

Living With Depression

Living with depression is not as easy as people think. Its gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, self-hatred essence that devours your soul and makes you feel like you're nothing. You seek out sad songs, sad stories, sad poems, or anything that can give you the release of all the emotions that are suffocating you.

Every morning you find it hard to get out of bed and build up the motivation to tackle the day ahead of you. You fake a smile and a laugh all day just to convince everyone that you are fine because you don't want anyone to know what battles you are fighting with your own mind. Then the night comes, you can't seem to get to sleep, and your mind comes into play to destroy you over and over with the dark vile thoughts that are swirling around trying to rip you apart.

You look at your friends and family and they are all moving forward with their lives and they all seem so bloody happy and then you look at yourself and you're stuck in the same place, not able to move anywhere– like you're in a tunnel with no light at the end of it. You wish you could escape from the sadness, the heartbreak, the self-hatred, the feeling of not being good enough, just the everything. Even if that means leaving this world behind in the rear view, forever.

We understand that nobody's life is perfect but unless everyone has lived with depression then they don't know what it is like. It's easy for them to say, "Just get over it." It's not as simple as that, though we wish with everything we have that it was but it's really not. Out of nowhere you just break down, wishing for it all to end, begging the world to take you away from all this.

You get called lazy by your family for not wanting to do anything because you can't build up that motivation to go out and do things and in that moment you can feel the emotions boiling up, ready and waiting to come pouring out. You fight through the day pretending to be strong just to break down when you're alone in your room at night wishing the pain to end. You feel it ripping you apart inside and out until there is nothing left there to fight for. We all just hope that at some point we will finally beat this emotional distress that's implanted in our minds and in our soul and hope that one day we can finally say, "I've done it; I've finally beaten it" and that day will be one of the greatest day's of our lives.

However, at this time, when you're in the eye of the storm, it feels like it will never pass and that really does break our hearts. Sometimes the slightest thing we do is us actually crying for help, but no one understands that or sees that so they think we are being dramatic. We really wish people could look at us and know that we really are struggling day by day just to survive. On the outside, we look happy but on the inside, we are dying, can't you see? If you see any of us who seem to be acting different or you are worried that we might have depression, catch us at night time and you will see the truth. So, please, be careful how you treat people, you don't know what battles they are fighting. Even the littlest thing you say could possibly push us over the edge. Don't let the smile deceive you. Look into their eyes and see the truth, see the pain. Maybe you could be their saving grace in their endless torture with their own mind. Think about the difference you could make in our lives.

How does it work?
Read next: Never In the Cover of Night
Tabby McClean

Just a girl trying to figure this world out

See all posts by Tabby McClean