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Little Black Book

by Kerri MiLLs 10 days ago in coping

My sweet, sweet Sophia.

He dropped all my stuff off that day. He dropped it off before. This wasn't the first time this has happened. I was bluffing. He knew I was bluffing. He didn't care. Please, please, please stop me, my eyes screamed, my faced screamed, everything about me screamed. Stop me, please, or I'll do it. I'll walk out that door.

He didn't stop me.

He never stops me.

2 years earlier.

"I love you because... you know I love you, stop that." His eyes glistened. He had beautiful eyes. Lady lashes, they fluttered over those baby blues. And his smile, I melt away in that smile. I thought that smile was just for me. I thought he was just for me. "Baby, are you sure you want to buy this house? That weird basement kind of freaks me out." "Babe, I love it, we'll gut it and clear it out. Make a nice pool room, party room, man...I mean Lady cave." I smiled. He'd do anything for me. He'd do anything for me then.

I waited for him. I waited for him for what felt like forever. Always waiting. I'm done waiting. Why did I wait for him. I can't remember. Maybe it was those baby blues. I got the blues. Ugh. It wasn't those baby blues. It was him. I miss him, I missed him... but life goes on. I can't wait for you anymore.

Without Me. -Halsey

"Found you when your heart was broke. I filled you cup until it overflowed. Took it so far to keep you close (keep you close) I was afraid to leave you on your own. I said I'd catch you if you fall (fall). And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all (all). And then I got you off your knees, put you right back on your feet, just so you can take advantage of me. "

"Babe, we're really getting it? Ahh I love you." How could life get any better. I love this man. I loved that man. "How's this room?" "For what?" I asked. When I turned around he was cradling his arms with a big, handsome smile on his face. How could life get any better. He gave me everything I ever wanted. A lover, a friend, a house and soon to be a little baby. I love this man. I loved that man. What happened?


Weird noises started coming from the basement. It rattled him. It never bothered me. I was happy. I think. I can't remember. It's hard to remember much these days. Life was different then. My baby Sophia and I are good. She's two. We're good. Life was different then. I use to write. I never write anymore. I know my old writing are stashed away somewhere's in this house, somewhere in this old, creeky house. Why did we ever buy this house. He hated this house. Of course, right, me. I wanted this house, I wanted, I wanted. Life was different then.


House is sold. Sophia and I are living on our own now. It's been two year's. I still don't understand what happened. He was here and now he's gone. They tell me it was murder. I don't understand. They never found out who did it. It's been two year's.

3 years later.

"Bye Sophia, I love you." Life is good now. Sophia is in school. She has lots of friends. She is so beautiful, so friendly. It seems like everyone just loves her, which makes me so happy. I am working again. Life is good. I write from time to time. I write about that night. That night in the basement. I write about the rattling. I write about the trapped door. I write about how happy I was that night.

That night I caught him. I was happy that night. That night. The rattling. All I could hear was that rattling from the basement that night. That rattling , that rattling that never usually bothers me. That noise. I waited. I waited. I waited. You never came home. I followed you. I started following you. I'm not proud of myself but I knew. I knew you were going to see her. It drove me crazy. That night. The rattling.

You dropped something out of your pocket that night. After you seen her. After you took her here. That night. I looked into it before you left. Before she left. You dropped a little black book. Inside was our ticket. A bank account with 20,000 dollars in it. That was enough. That was enough for Sophia and I to start fresh. That night.

I was happy that night. No one ever found out about the trapped door, what happened that night. That night. They say it was murder. I can't remember. I don't remember much of my life then. But sometimes I do. Sometimes I write about it but I never show anyone. Sometimes I tell Sophia about that night when she is asleep. Sometimes I tell her about her dad and that night. She would have loved her dad. Everyone loved her dad.

I love you Sophia. That night. Your father was there that night. He was there. That night. That night the rattling stopped. That night, and the trapped door and that girl, and the rattling. The rattling, Sophia, the rattling, you don't understand that rattling. It drove mommy crazy. They never found that girl either. Some people even said it was mommy, but nobody knows for sure and no one really thinks it was mommy, just a few people. That night mommy made the rattling stop. Mommy was happy that night. Goodnight my sweet, sweet Sophia. Mommy loves you.

Kerri MiLLs
Kerri MiLLs
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Kerri MiLLs

*Love thyself*

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