My fight song isn't about learning how to fight, it's about learning how to live.
Trigger Warning: Please take caution before continuing to read. Thank you.
Hello my loves! Welcome back to our journey of self-development. We are on day 35! I have some exciting news for everyone coming soon. I will be kicking everything up a notch. I know I keep saying I want to be more active—but I also have to make money being a 20-year-old, just barely entering adulthood. So I spend time working, or sleeping, or eating, be it with my boyfriend or with my friends. When I started this journey. I was very alone, but still content. And now people are realizing that I am healthier to be around, and not as toxic. Which is a good thing. But I’m not going to leave you guys hanging. I will pick this journey back up. So let’s begin.
I’m sure you all heard the expression: To fight through the unfortunate situations you are going through. What does that mean to you? Does it mean to fight for what you think is right? Do you fight to get your way? Do you fight yourself? So many of us are told to keep fighting. But that’s it. That’s the advice we get. I know I already talked about this, but I want to touch base on it. I know you all think you’re helping to your fullest extent, but telling someone, “you’re not alone," or "it gets better," or "to keep fighting,” doesn’t fix the problems. It’s not a cure. Explain how they aren’t alone. Explain what to do to make things better. Explain how to keep fighting. Give advice.
That’s what we are all searching for. We are searching for advice and ways to get through these tough times. And I’m here to bring that advice to you, so you don’t have to search through article after article. I am here to be your friend, your support system, and someone you can go to for advice. So what are some dos and do nots to get us started?
“I thought fighting for a person meant to fight the person if you had to.”- Lacey Sturm
I love this quote so much. I stumbled upon it while reading one of her books. I connect to this so much because I always remember fighting people while I was going through hard times. Trying to force them to understand the exact way my brain was thinking for every situation. Fighting them always telling them, “life is always going to be this way.” But also my sick brain thought I was protecting them from much worse so I would fight them to prevent them from ending up being disappointed like I was. I’d fight people to make friendships, dating, or relationships work. But sometimes it is better to just let some people go. Sometimes we have to leave toxic situations and that’s okay.
Fight, but don’t fight your mental illnesses. This is probably the most important one. I feel like most of us interpret, “keep fighting,” so we fight our illnesses thinking they are demons. I know what you are thinking, “are you actually telling us not to fight our demons?” No, I’m saying we shouldn’t be labeling everything in our lives a demon. I’m saying you can’t just kill your mental illness. You can’t keep fighting it all the time and do whatever you want. Sometimes you have to work with your mental disorders. But no one ever tells you that. They simply tell you to fight your demons.
What do I mean by work with your mental disorders? It’s not another human being you have to work with. I mean you should properly take your medication. Go to therapy if you have to. Journal, talk, use other positive coping mechanisms. I’m not going to fight this illness because it’s only going to make matters worse for myself. I’m going to fight for what is right and politely educate those around me about mental illnesses. But I’m not going to fight people, and I’m not going to let my illnesses win either. I’m simply going to make them so I can be content even though I have bipolar disorder. So I can be okay even though I have post traumatic stress disorder. So I can make it so I’m not hallucinating every day. I’m not glorifying my disorders, I’m working with them. I’m not turning them into sappy love stories and embracing self-harm because they are my battle scars.
They are scars from a time when I was sick and I fought myself because I thought that was right. They are scars to show people that I have grown past the dark times because I worked with myself. But I also worked on myself. And so many of you are asking how I worked on myself and had so much dedication to get better. Well I will be honest with you, when you fail so many suicide attempts you wonder am I ever going to get out of this hell? Or should I find a different way to turn hell into livable heaven? And once I realized that I could change things all around I stopped fighting myself, I stopped trying to make people understand, I stopped fighting my friends, I stopped fighting with my brain. I worked with my brain to create better thoughts and serotonin. To this day, I still go to therapy. I have healthy friendships and other relationships. I used positive coping skills like going for a walk, taking a bubble bath, read, write, paint, doing things I loved to do that also made others happy.
Now instead of trying to make people understand, I’m just sharing my story to those who want to listen, to those who care, and to those who are welcoming me into their arms for support. I’m not fighting for my life anymore. I’m not fighting what’s going on inside my head. I am living. But I will fight for you. We will reach equality. We will conquer our demons. We will be able to live. So when I think of how to fight, I think of how to live.
“Standing on the edge am I better off dead? How could I forget that I’m better than this? I’ve come too far to fade tonight. Fight or be taken out alive.” - Icon For Hire