I live like an island of fear

The streets outside were muddy. The porch of the apartment was covered with dirty snow. Mr. Ivan is on his way back from Spring Festival shopping. He carried over his shoulder a large, bulging knit bag bearing the department store's call stamp. He stepped in from the foot of the wall, treading the felt, laboriously but gingerly. He didn't want the floor to get dirty.

Who's going to guess this year's gift?

Saja ran out of the kitchen beaming with joy, apron on and spatula in hand. She made her way to the door, but did not see Mr. Ivan. Saja raced to the door, where the doorbell rang and rang, only to see patches of melted slush on the felt. She stood on tiptoe and peered at the window next to the radiator, where the ice of the glass melted the center. It was getting dark, and through the glass she could see the streets full of struggling passers-by. Snow had become hard stubble, and particles of snow tinkled against the Windows under the golden lamps.

She was about to turn when large hands covered her eyes from behind. Saja felt the hands soft, cold, cold. She seized them and wrung her shoulders couqley. Then melodious music began to play from behind, with little rubber hammers beating on metal reeds, and the drums playing between them.

"Ding dong bao, ding dong bao!

Jumping up with joy, Saja freed herself from Mr. Ivan's large hand and ran to the big round table behind him. Ding Dong Bao is actually a robot, dressed in a Scottish sailor's uniform, and when it's full of notes, it automatically dances on the table, beating drums and playing "Bottle of Leather." Sajia followed ding Dong Bao, mimicking his movements, making faces and keeping a rhythm. Nana, not even up to the table, tugged at saja's skirts and imitated her movements. Mr. Ivan stooped and danced after Nana, and the three of them whirled around the table in the drawing-room like a little train.

She did not like to join in, but watched them quietly. Rebecca, who envied everything in front of her, was too big to make a fool of herself in the dance, so she stood and sucked her finger. Mr. Ivan handed the sweets to the children. Several of them had their share, and Rebecca eagerly tore open her own, scattering the sweets on the floor. She picked it up in silence. Mr. Ivan noticed her. He came over, fingered her forelock, touched her cheek, and then opened his hand to her.

A snowstorm ball, just the biggest kind she wanted. There is a mechanism in the chimney of the colored house, because of the poor water pressure in the ball, if you shake it a little, the chimney will spout a steady stream of snow. Through the round glass Windows of the house, and through the small hole at the bottom of the crystal ball, you can see how this interesting process takes place: the snowflakes deposited in the hole in the garden are pumped into the house by the current, spewed out through the chimney, and touched the top of the ball as if it were falling heavily. Next to the house there were sledges, pine trees, and little wax figures with weights that would never fall, standing in the half-open doorway. She looked at the little one, a little girl. She knew her.

Nana tugged at her, trying to pull her into her little dancing train. From the bottom of her heart she did not like Nana. Saja was selfish. She never cared about any other members of the family, only to please the grown-ups, but she was not as annoying as Nana. As for Rebecca, she was hopelessly stupid and felt inferior in front of her younger children at her age. Mr. Ivan often said that she would never get married.

"She" could be the daughter of Ivan, but she could also be anyone in the world, she walked into "her", watching the storm in the crystal ball go round and round, and in that moment, it seemed to be the whole of life. All of them, suddenly quiet, approached and gathered together, staring curiously at her, her self, in the crystal ball. They did not seem to care much about her existence, and as they did so, she looked from them to her, year after year, on New Year's eve.

It was not the first time she had seen the long-awaited snow storm ball. She had envied it in some shop window, and watched it silently for a long time behind Mr. Ivan on the same snowy evening. She was hers when the warm fire reflected on the crystal ball, but she had not seen her carefully for a long time, and what was happening was going to happen, and it seemed to have happened for a long time.

She continued to watch the crystal ball. It was lit up by candlelight and electric lights, and snow fell on the ground and in the garden in front of the little house. There was a moment of silence, no one around, and she suddenly realized that everything had been an illusion because her father had been dead for years. No one else competed with her for New Year's gifts because she was the only daughter in the family. It was the same home, newly renovated. Mr. Evans left it. She left it where she left it.

She mumbled her displeasure, but the room was not really quiet. Across the corridor door, the disgruntled tenants were still screaming. To make ends meet, she rented rooms above her old house to four different women. There was one she couldn't name -- Liz or Liz, I think. The new tenant had been here only six months, and it was not going well. She seemed to have started it again, and the first old tenant to come to the fight was no match for the new one, and the other, who had conspired with her, was no match for Liz, no, Liz. The three of them had been there so long, with so much thought and calculation, that they could not make a living together, and they continued to live from day to day in her humble flat.

The other three she had known for a long time were Saja, Nana, and Rebeca.

Rebecca lacks a real sense of humor and always likes to tease her. The uninterested woman, this time again the snow storm ball violently snatched from her eyes. Rebeca's big bottom poked into the sofa and she grinned as if to play a joke on her. The crystal ball turned upside down and was right in front of her again. White was pouring out of the chimney, and snow was falling in the ball. The little wax figure dived and recovered his balance.

That night she dreamed of an island. She took possession of the island, and it sank slowly in the water.