How The Horrific Abuse From a Narcissistic Marriage Destroys You

Maybe you’ve been married for years. You have had people say you have changed since the marriage or dating this person. In reality, you know you have, but your denial keeps you hooked on the potential of the relationship and what it could become once again. It’s effortless for the victim of Narcissistic abuse to blame themselves and believe they are the narcissists in the relationship.

Unfortunately, when you blame yourself for the lies, manipulation, cheating, and abusive behavior, you are in deeper than you will ever know.

The grooming.

When you first met, you were pinching yourself to see if this was real! You couldn’t believe this person was single, and somehow, God put them in your path! You are so grateful for this bundle of love dropped at your doorstep. You two share so much in common; they are so thoughtful; it feels like a dream.

You were always buying little gifts, planning trips, being considerate, and overall interested in others’ lives while you were used as a doormat repeatedly. But this time is different, this is the one! The things they do for you are what you have been waiting your whole life for but haven’t found.

Someone finally appreciates you!

You have wanted to get married since you were a little girl and need to start a family before it’s too late! And it wasn’t long before you were married and living together. You ignored all your friends and family and went against their better judgment.

The red flags were waving, but you didn’t pay attention.

As time went on, little dependencies didn’t add up. Friends and family started noticing a change in you as you did too, but you ignored it because you didn’t want to mess up this damn great thing you had in the making! You were so in “love” that you wrote it off as coincidence, and they always had somewhat believable reasoning for their behavior.

You ignored they didn’t have a job, well, one of any stability. You might have even justified and supported them in all the bad “cards” they had been dealt in life. Some of it was unbelievable. You felt so bad for them. Yes, they drank a bit too much, but you can see why, this poor person has had quite a life.

The lies you ignored.

You have noticed they have become very inconsistent in their excuses and stories. One day they can’t get enough of you, and the next day they are nowhere to be found. And when you question them, they tell you to stop being so controlling and insecure. You need to make some friends! You notice them hiding their phone and not answering or texting as usual. And their excuses don’t make sense, but again, you don’t want to mess this up.

You keep your mouth shut and give them space. Maybe they are stressed, as they say. That new job does seem demanding. They are nothing like they were when you first met. You find yourself questioning everything and are so damn confused at the same time.

The classic Narcissistic traits begin subconsciously to destroy you.

The gaslighting and projection will have you second-guessing your sanity and soul. The Narcissist will point out abusive behaviors in you that are 100% abusive, and it’s all in their plan of manipulation. You won’t know up from down by the time the gaslighting and projection are done.

What they forget to leave out is why you are reacting like a fucking loon and flipping your shit. This is not the person you met months ago! It’s because you have been pushed to your limits with the little secrets, the big lies, the small lies, the manipulation, the cheating, the disappearing, the broken promises, and the fucking confusion of it all.

You’re reactions to the abuse.

It’s a normal human response to react to this form of abuse. A person can only take so much before they snap. You will begin to question everything. Your behavior can appear abusive from the outside looking in. And you bet your ass you are being talked about in the same fashion. It’s straight fucking embarrassment.

See how clever they are?! They have you believing you are the abuser.

They repeatedly promised you to change and even apologized for repeating the same behavior. Then when you try and hold them accountable, they flip the fucking script on you, and now you are the controlling, abusive, and insecure one!

YOU NEED to fucking trust them and get off their back. Fuck! You are so damn needy and annoying. No other ex has treated them this way. And they have many different people who treat them much better than you.

This passive-aggressive abuse will have you contemplating checking into a mental hospital or, at the very least, putting your name on the list.

The escape, if you can, you are the fortunate one.

Many spend years or even decades in the abuse. They are a shell of what they used to be and just go through life in a daze. They are to the point they have lost complete touch with the reality of who they are and how they got here.

You still question if maybe you are the abuser. After everything you read, you can see some traits of Narcissism in your reactions. But what you didn’t research is reactive abuse.

Reactive Abuse

Instances of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse are incredibly stressful and traumatic for victims.

During an act of abusive violence, it is common for an abused person to lash out at their abuser. They may scream, cry, use insults, or even physically defend themselves against the attack. In turn, an assailant may retaliate against them by claiming that the victim is, in fact, the abuser.

This is called reactive abuse, informally referred to as “gaslighting.” Reactive abuse is extremely dangerous for a victim of sexual assault, as it allows abusers to hold something against them. However, reactive abuse can also occur in situations of verbal abuse, psychological abuse, or physical abuse.

You are driving yourself crazy with the rumination of it all. You realize you have contacted “Narcissistic Fleas!” You have been conditioned to react just like them from the years of emotional torment you have endured.

Any normal human mind can trick you into believing their lies and deceit. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the reactive abuse you forget about where the abuse originated from, them!

That’s until you escape and go no contact. Then you begin to see the asshole for who they are.

The abuser.