How Childhood Trauma Resembles a Crime Scene, and You are The Lead Detective

Have you ever heard of the crime series on A&E, The First 48? Well, subtract a digit; the First 47 is how I define my first 47 years of life. All through my childhood and teenage years, the criminal mind fascinated me. I loved psychology class in college and always wanted to be a detective. I look back and try not to live in regrets. But its difficult to not look back at times. I was more lost then, than I am now, and it’s getting a little late in life to have a do-over.

The First 48.

The basis of The First 48 is offering a glimpse into the real-world life of homicide investigation. The first 48 hours after a homicide are crucial for solving the case. After that, the odds dwindle of solving the crime. The first 48 hours of a homicide are most important, so detectives work around the clock. They interview as many willing witnesses, family, and friends as possible. They are in full investigative mode as they try and solve the case while time is of the essense.

The only difference between the detectives and myself is they know what crime they are trying to solve from the beginning. They may not know who they are looking for but know what case they are trying to solve. And before long, they usually have a suspect.

They have bits and pieces of the crime scene they piece together in hopes of solving the case. And they will talk to as many people as possible, but at times many remain silent and don't want to be involved.

The investigation.

To me, the show is very similar to my life. But I had no idea what case I was trying to solve until the last couple of years of my life. I was running around with a “cold case” and didn’t even know. Now that I have the evidence, I have to piece it together from the last 47 years that have been tampered with, destroyed, or possibly forgotten. It's no easy task as the case has been sitting stagnant for some time.

I’m the lead detective in my case. I just had the most significant case of my life dropped on my desk; you know how stressful that is? Some of the lead witnesses I need to talk to for more information I can’t. You can’t force the truth out of witnesses when they have an agenda or are covering their tracks.

Talking to them would be a “catch-22.” They might provide me valuable information that I need at the stage of this case. But they could also lie again and throw me further off solving the case. Lying again would be in their favor as usual. So, I must remove them from credible witnesses and use my god-given intuition.

Closing in on the suspect.

The show is getting better. The aging of my series, The First 47, isn’t bad. Finally, the detective, me, knows the suspect he is looking for, and the show’s future is bright. It’s taken 47 years to get a lead on this case; now that I have it, I am diving in headfirst to solve it quickly. Other cases are piling up on my desk at this moment, but I first need to solve this one to give me the peace of mind for clarity.

The detective has his work cut out for him. I know I’ll have to do some brutal inventory and more interviews from the past 47 years to solve this case. It won’t be easy, but I finally know the suspect I’m searching for.

Me.