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Forgive and Forget What A Narcissist Did To You

by IRIS B STEHN 2 months ago in recovery
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Is this possible?

Forgive and Forget What A Narcissist Did To You
Photo by Maria Thalassinou on Unsplash

I keep it short. No. No, you can never forget, what the narcissist did to you.

I was abused, mentally, and physically. He played mind games, threatened me, and hurt me.

Over the last year, I wrote down my stories. Started to share some of them. Anonymously. I can’t write under my real name, because I fear the consequences if someone recognizes my articles about the abuse I experienced as a former member of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Sadly, I’m one of many who experienced similar abuse in a religious sect, but I was tracked down in the past, even after I moved away, and they tried to put pressure on me.

Read more about it in my articles: Religious Child Abuse, I'm Leaving Jehovah, Never See You Again, Jehovah, and They’ll Let Me Die.

In addition, my narcissist ex-boyfriend would be furious if he would know that I told anyone about the abuse. I’m not scared of him, never heard of him after the final separation talk, that’s where I am lucky.

Nevertheless, if he would read the stories, he would recognize them and could easily try to find out where I live or work now. I don’t want to take any risks, my past should stay where it is forever.

To come back to the initial question. I can't forget it. I can't and won't forgive him. But that is not what's important. I don't have to forgive him.

I won’t forget. But I forgave. I forgave myself.

For believing that it was my fault, that I wasn’t enough, that I even deserved it. I forgave myself to think so little about myself.

I am enough. I am brave. I am thankful for myself, and everything I ever accomplished.

You don’t need to forget. It’s a part of your life forever. A reminder. But you can forgive — yourself — and find inner peace.

It is not easy, for sure. It took me years to understand:

I don’t have to forgive him, I have to forgive myself.

I don’t care about him at all and he doesn’t deserve forgiveness and wouldn’t care anyway. So why should I forgive him? He doesn’t even feel remorse, he can’t. A narcissist doesn’t feel bad for hurting you, because he doesn’t feel at all. He manipulates, that’s all.

So I don’t waste my energy on him but on myself. I’m the one that matters, therefore I forgive myself.

I’m happy again.

I wrote about how I first met my ex-boyfriend. An overt narcissist. You can read my first story about it here:

"We went to the same high school, different classes and shared some mutual friends. Not-so-funny, funny fact: I lost almost all of our mutual friends due to him.

We were spending some of our school breaks together with our friends, talking about math, science, and some chit-chat like how much history class sucked that day. Another day he bragged about how he got the best math grade in his class due to sneaking answers from a classmate. I admired him for not being scared of getting caught, for his confidence in general. I was 17 back then, turned 18 when we got closer shortly before our high school graduation. That’s where my horror story begins…"

There will be a lot more stories about my narcissistic abuse in my past. If you want to read them, consider following me. But I have to warn you - some of those stories will be hard to read. May trigger you. I write about a lot of ugly details from my past.

recovery

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IRIS B STEHN

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