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Dealing With FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) In Your 20's

Everything I thought I should be is not the person who I actually am.

By Maya Papaya Published 2 years ago 7 min read
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FOMO- fear of missing out.

Yeah it sucks and there is no shielding yourself from it when it strikes. There is just simply riding it out. It is always hard to put into words the mental and sometimes physical journeys you go through in life and the articulation even more so. However, there is something rewarding (I think is a good way to put it) about learning to articulate or even just sharing without fear of judgement what you go through.

Getting to say something out loud does not mean that you know about it any more than you did before while it was still in your head and in your heart. There is just something weightlifting when it is said aloud. Better still if said aloud in the presence of the people in your life who you trust to listen and not disperse any sort of judgement on you.

And sometimes it is something one is willing to share in a more public space.

How I knew I was experiencing FOMO.

The moment my mind supplied me with this phrase:

Everything I thought I should be is not the person who I actually am.

Essentially everything I was ever told about what being a 'success' as a human being was not the mold that I fit into. I was not a high energy individual, I was not a morning person, I was not able to on command hyper focus on any and every task put in front of me.

Rather I was a night owl with an off sleep schedule that would equate to an average of less than 8 hours of sleep with low energy and a mind that would only be able to focus on a task for a few hours unless muscle memory was all that was needed or I am invested by my own personal interest.

That was by far the hardest thing for me to come to terms with. The knowledge that each person is supposed to follow their own path and it may not look like the path society says is the most "successful."

Pair that with the acceptance that I am just stuck in the transitionary generation. Granted we all have a transition period in whichever generation you are born into, but what I mean is that it seems that in the cycle of repetition of history it seems that the generation I am a part of are hitting ever single social issue (bit of an exaggeration but also not) of society at this time during like the critical growing years- a.k.a older teen years, legally an adult, first year in college, early 20s.

Basically the most pivotal moments in a person's growth and maturity timeline were moments when it seemed like society was changing mindsets that were set in stone.

So, you were seeing change in outlooks and having all of the teaching methods change every year seemingly. Sometimes every half a year. We were essentially the guinea pigs. And while I am amazed with the 180 view on society I am also just highly annoyed as well that I have no idea how to feel about where I am at right now.

Do not get me wrong I realize this is all internal, but it is something that is still affecting me at times.

Then there was the constant flood of my friends getting married and having kids. That resulted in what I can only familiarize with the feeling of culture shock. Everything was new, nothing made sense, every time we would discuss preparations or fears it was like they were speaking a different language, and it all felt new and surreal with a touch of awe. On the other side I had moments were I felt lost and confused about the whole thing. I felt lonely and distant. At first I thought it was because I was single at the time and then I thought it was because the friendship dynamic would change.

While both were true there was one other element that I would not find until later on- the fear that I would never be at the 'right' place in my life.

Take what you would think of a 'normal' progression of life: graduating high school, going out of state or living in the dorms for college, finding friends who you will grow into the next phase of life with, pursuing your career in a stable 9-5 with an almost other worldly energy, daily all nighters to study for classes and exams. Once that is done you graduate with your degree get married, start thinking about kids, and have your dream job.

Okay so that was the perfect mindset that I grew up with. I know how old fashion it sounds but that was the thinking literally less than a decade ago. It seems almost ancient now huh?

Take that image and let me give you my reality.

Living at home with my mother instead of having an apartment, taking an off year in schooling, having all of my associates be through online methods at a community college, living from paycheck to paycheck to scrap up money for a university for the last two years of my schooling. I have no idea what my degree will do in terms of job. I do know that I want to be a writer and content creator. Social media has become such a vital part of businesses and any sort of creative job that I would be a little bit of a fool to think that I could escape learning how to acclimate with it. And I am happy to do so because I have been finding a lot of enjoyment in the process.

Spot the difference?

Shocking! I know.

If only I knew there was no 'right' place or 'right ' path a while ago. You must remember that you have a path for you and you alone. It may not look like the vast majority of what others are doing but that is ok.

How I work through FOMO.

There is no working through this feeling. It comes and it goes. All you can really hope to do is to have systems in place when it hits to remind you of all you know to be true. Have inspiration and motivational things at the ready. Know what self-care elements calm and relax you. Take your mind to better places.

Start to understand what the onset of FOMO looks like to you. Hold on to the things that seem to make it better for a time. All of this I personally do for myself.

Again, this will not be something that you can get over and it is not easy to go through. But you can get through it and you can come through it better and stronger for it. It is the most cliché thing to say I know but there is some truth to that cliché.

What I learned most from this experience.

I have learned a lot and tend to wax poetic whenever I try to articulate, but I will do my best to keep an already long post short.

  • FOMO is a real feeling that cannot be escaped and it is not something that you are going through alone.
  • Your life may not be the same that someone else's might be and that is ok. Success is a subjective concept and can only be determined to be reached by the individual.
  • Doubting yourself and your path is not wrong. It is when they start to hold you back that it is time to maybe address some things.
  • You are not a failure because your lifestyle does not match that of someone you are close to or admire.
  • Your standards of life, success, and health may be different than that of others and therefore their methods may not work for what you want to achieve.
  • More than likely any version of 'success' that had ever been reached by an individual was through their own growth and journey that while there may be fundamental basics involved the detail in the execution may vary drastically. And that is ok. It means that we can all determine our best success.

All of this and so much more could be added to what I have learned and what could still be learned through all of these feelings. It is messy and hard, but there is a reward in reflection and endurance. That reward is understanding yourself better and finding out who you are and what you value.

It is the little details that make up the whole of you and the more you find out the more you know yourself better and can truly begin the process of self love.

Hopefully, you don't have to go through FOMO to get there.

And on that lovely note, I will end my little (longer than my novel pitch) post here. I hope this in some way either helped you not feel alone in this or maybe was just an interesting read.

Have a great day and remember to do something good for yourself, you deserve it!

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About the Creator

Maya Papaya

A creative at heart but a squirrel for a brain. Making the actual completion of anything is yet to be determined 😂

I am a content creator, writer, and world traveler (still getting to the last part)

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