Dating Someone with Anxiety

As someone who has dealt with a lot of anxiety throughout life, I know how difficult it can make life seem and I also know how complicated relationships can become because of it.

Anxiety manifests itself differently in every person, so I'm only able to give examples of situations and experiences that I have gone through myself. And I'm sure some people might be able to relate to some of the things I talk about here.

What I mainly want to discuss is how complicated it can be to date someone with anxiety.

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Now, I don't want it to seem as if I'm saying those who have anxiety are like gremlins you must take extra caution with. All I'm saying is anxiety can sometimes complicate relationships. And people might jump into it without realizing what goes into dating someone with anxiety.

There are also people who might be a little naive and believe they'll be able to 'fix' their partner by simple loving them and pushing them out of their comfort zone.

Perhaps this might work for some, who knows. However, simply loving someone doesn't just make anxiety leave, that isn't how it works.

So, if you're going into a relationship thinking that you'll be the one to rid them of their anxiety, well reality might slap you in the face soon, especially if you have no clue about mental health issues.

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Side Note: I'm not saying your relationship is doomed just because one of you has anxiety. In fact, you can have a perfectly healthy functioning relationship despite the anxiety. All I'm saying is sometimes there will be ups and downs, but that is like most relationships.

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Before I go on, I wanted to quickly write a list of some of the issues I dealt with in my relationship because of anxiety.

• It put a damper on the magic in my relationship
• I became overly dependent on my partner
• I couldn't connect to my partners loved ones the way I wanted to
• Jealousy and trust issues were a huge problem
• Control issues - if I didn't feel like I had any control over the relationship or my partner then my life felt like it would crumble from beneath me
• Activities that were meant to be fun didn't always feel that way
• Life at times seemed pointless or too hard
• I needed constant reassurance to feel okay
• I never felt good enough or worthy enough
• My life and my relationship felt like a constant rollercoaster ride
• I'd get irritable and snap over the silliest things

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As awful as it was to live with anxiety, I can only imagine what it must be like to date someone who has it, especially when you don't fully understand it or have never experienced it.

Personally I don't think I could ever date someone who has anxiety, and that might be an ignorant thing to say but when I saw the way my anxiety affected my ex, a man who is happy and mentally stable with a healthy mindset, I can see that if I were to date someone who also has anxiety then I'd probably unravel and become toxic again.

And I'm not saying other people can't have a healthy functioning relationship if they both suffer from anxiety. I just honestly don't think I could handle someone else's issues on top of my own.

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There seems to be a thing where people romanticize dating someone with a mental illness. It isn't like what you see in the movies or read in books. You can't love the anxiety out of someone. You can be supportive and caring but that won't fix their issues.

And being in a relationship when you have a issues like that isn't what you think it is. It isn't someone cuddling the demons out of your mind until sunrise. It's not about being so in love that the anxiety washes away overnight because of their embrace.

No, instead it's pushing away the person you love, it's acting out in a toxic way, it's isolating yourself and then feeling like no one wants you around. It's refusing to get help because you're too scared. It's a constant battle with yourself and your partner has to witness it, they might even get pulled into the hole that you're in.

Does that sound easy to deal with?

I'm not saying that people can't manage their anxiety because they can. Some people take huge steps to better themselves and they're quicker than others. Then there are those who might only take little steps and are slower with bettering themselves and that's okay too.

For some, it's a lifelong battle dealing with anxiety. For others it's shorter.

So, dating someone while they're dealing with it isn't going to be a smooth ride. There's going to be a lot of ups and downs, which is to be expected in every person's life. But anxiety is its own rollercoaster.

So, don't get into a relationship with anybody if you aren't prepared to take the good with the bad, and the highs with the lows, that goes for any relationship.