Broken Bones

1. The Devil I Know

The door slammed

Time and time again

Another silhouette melting

Into the distance

Disappearing from everything

Except my poetry

And still you stayed

Another hello

Another friendship

Another love

And still you stayed

Another goodbye

Another farewell

Another ending

And still you are here

Your arms wrapped around me

Not in an embrace but in confinement

I am alone

The only company I have

Is you

The only voice I hear

Is yours

The only words I listen to

Are your promises and lies

There is darkness

And then there is you

And you blend into one

Even in the daylight

I cry and scream and

Collapse on the ground

Pulled down from

The clouds

By you

And yet even now

When you have had your way

And I am weak and alone

Misunderstood and miserable

Still you stay

You are invisible but present

Quiet but loud

You are strong but

You make me weak

You are here and

You make me wish

I wasn't

I cannot see you

But you are more real

Than happiness or smiles

You are so close

I cannot escape you

Someone free me

Someone save me

I am imprisoned

And even surrounded by

Jail cells that look like

Your harsh grip

Society will not even

Speak your name

The one that suffocates me

Maybe I will say it

Maybe mentioning your name

Will one day free someone else

-Depression

***

2. Catching Shooting Stars

The sunlight is always golden

In the world I see

People are always smiling

And laughing and happy

In the world inside my head

In my world I can touch the clouds

And catch shooting stars

In the palms of my hands

And the moon tastes like candy

But when I open my eyes

I see tired looks and frowning faces

The world I live in

Is not the world

I love

-Maladaptive Daydreaming

***

3. Eye Contact

I'm scared to write about you

Because I'm terrified just to

Look you in the eye

Acknowledging you exist

Means admitting your effect on me

My demons don't even have

Eyes to look into and yet

They have no problem

Telling me how they've

Watched me do everything wrong

(If you can see me

Why can't i see you?)

At least you have names

(I just wish they weren't ones

People still laugh at)

-Anxiety, Depression

***

4. The Search for Oxygen

The letters and words

Don't come easily when

It's you lingering between

Each of the poem's lines

The ink stains my fingers

And you taint my mind

And how do I write when

My hands are shaking

From the way you make

My heartbeats race?

You look for non-existent dangers

And I search for oxygen and

You find what I should be afraid of

But I can't grasp anything that

Helps me not be

You are my cage

And people tell me

I am holding the key

But I swear I can't

Figure out how to

Fit it in the lock

-Anxiety

***

5. Dust and Debris and Devastation

"I will haunt you forever"

You whispered to me

When nobody else was

Scared enough to hear

I closed my eyes and

Wished you away but

Even when I couldn't

Hear your silent voices

I could feel your presence

In the form of closed airways

And the belief that the world

Was crashing down around me

In a cloud of dust and debris

And devastation

I wished for

Your disappearance

But all I got was

Tougher skin and

Less breakable bones

-Anxiety

***

6. Opposites

You’re asking me what I want for dinner. I’m asking you if the front door is really locked.

You’re saying sleep well and I’m saying that I won’t unless I complete a specific set of things before you tuck me in.

You’re trying not to lose your patience. I’m trying not to wash my hands again for the fifth time in the last minute.

You’re talking about a new movie. I’m trying to listen but struggling not to feel like germs are crawling across my skin like spiders and curses.

You’re reminiscing your childhood and I’m remembering the time I left the oven on for hours because for once I didn’t give in and check ten times throughout the day.

You’re falling asleep to peaceful dreams and I’m lying awake beside you, picturing detergent in my mind, attempting to wipe intrusive thoughts away like a faulty whiteboard eraser.

You’re telling me my fears are illogical, and my brain is screaming promises that something awful will happen if I don’t give in, give in, give in.

You’re complaining about taxes and the weather. I’m drowning in urges and impulses and the inability to resist them.

You’re checking your messages and I’m checking the car door and the stove and the tap.

You’re asking if I’m listening and I’m asking if you could ever really love someone like me.

(You swear you already do.)

-OCD

***

7. Bedsheets and Despair

My curtains are

Opened to the

Golden sunshine

But my eyes are

Tightly closed

My back turned

I swear I tried

To find happiness

In morning walks and

Spring breezes and

A block of chocolate

With an upbeat album

But no matter how long

I cling to the cliff face

It doesn't change the fact that

There's a noose around my neck

And it will steal my breath

Whenever I finally let go

There's a pile of outfits

I want to wear but instead

I'm clothed in bedsheets and despair

A wasted day is so close

To a wasted life and

One hopeless breath makes

The hopeful ones lose their meaning

The words can't

Cut the noose so

This is just the ending

Of another pointless poem

- Depression

***

8. Plants Growing Through Cracks in the Concrete

I know what his hold can feel like as he clings to you, calling himself Depression but looking more like the devil himself. But when the smoke of him is suffocating you and his hand is wrapped around your throat, please remember the days he was just a distant figure around the bend.

Please remember the days you cradled a book in your hands and the rain poured down against your window but never made it past the glass. Please remember how good fresh air tastes and how laughter feels like happiness.

Don't forget the love you found in between the bad days, like plants growing through cracks in the concrete. Don't forget how much gentler happiness's hold is and how it always comes back eventually.

-Hope

***

Note: The storm doesn't last forever. Neither will the pain.