How are you?
Fine. Wish I was better.
It is hard, if I am going to be honest. It isn’t easy living every day and it is even harder to breathe; my life jacket is on its last float. I have got to start learning how to be I guess happy. I don’t always have bad days, but the sadness still lingers there as if it has nothing better to do but I guess the only best thing sadness has to do is to cling onto a broken spirit and fill its cracks and davits with concrete depression and replacing your blood cells with kerosene.
Since I was just a mere child, I’ve been fighting this. This suffering. This bullshit. Those arguments that seemed almost like a daily routine in the two families I used to have.
I don’t want to suffer anymore. I do not want to deal with these issues I have, just because my parents couldn’t find a more secluded place to fight, or an open space to be happy together.
Since I was just a preteen, I spent most of my teen years scarring my body, so much to the point that my older sister (keeping her promise as I asked) was worried about me because I decided I wanted a scene, emo hairstyle. I had to stop at some point. For a while, it was on and off. Then back on.
As a new adult I am proud to say it has been three almost four years since I’ve added any new marks on my body and yes, it does feel good to stop. I won’t lie when I say that the thought still crosses my mind sometimes when I break down, I almost lose myself. I have learned that meditation quickly rids of any bad thoughts.
I am working on happiness. And as strange as it seems, happiness is harder to fight for or find than it is to fight off depression. The sadness does not want happiness to take over because some part of you wants to die, but when you fight yourself every day for happiness no matter what it takes you will come to realize how much more worth it, it was to fight for something such as that.
Happiness is and always will be one of the hardest things to fight for, to win over when you have obstacles in your way.
Be happy, even when you’re sadder than Eeyore when he loses his tail or something. You fight for that happiness. You do not stop. No matter what. No matter who. No matter why.
Your life depends on you.
Do not let others bring you down. Do not let anyone tell you that you cannot make it or succeed because you can, you have got to be there for yourself from day one to the end, into your next life and even the next. But never isolate yourself, never build a wall otherwise this life will be longer and even harder than you will ever think.
When you wake up in the morning; rise and shine even if the sun does not. Give yourself a reason to smile, really smile. Even if you struggle in happiness. If there’s a will, there’s a way. There is always a will, so there is always a way.
And when you do.
There is no better you than you, and you deserve to know that. Whatever obstacle comes your way, dodge it like a ball, and do it fast.
Somewhere, someday… happiness will find its way upon your face.