Autistic Boys Nightmare

science of an AA dichotomy

Autistic Boys Nightmare

O.k. Here’s the beginning of my story. I was born to an all white family in an all white town in West Highlands, New York. Raised by my immature parents at their tender age of 29 and 31. My name is Mitchell by the way. I’m a full grown man they say but I don’t feel like that much at all.

Around September 2019 I intentionally “ Baker acted myself into asylum. That wasn’t fun, this ain’t fun, but I gotta do it. I met PAIN. He was a gentle man. But ironically Josh showed up in asylum there with me. Its early November 2019. A lots been going on since I left asylum. More irony that I’ve been toiling with thank the good lord for another day Sober.

So back to the beginning March 1990. Small White town, two White parents. Brave. Very brave. Let me tell you about my niece though. Shes adorable. One of a kind. Her names Breanna.. I would travel the world and back just to see her. She makes me smile. I haven’t seen her in ages . Granted I’m only 19 years old (so they say).

I moved to the south when I was 23 years old physically. But emotionally I’m 15. Well that’s what my sponsor says. I’ve been practicing completing a lot of things lately. I figure that’s for my own good. Nowadays college football is all I get to see on t.v. for kicks.

I quit drinking 7 years ago.

But back to the problem well the solution as some like to call it. I was born to two White parents in an all white town in Long Island, New York. Growing up was a lot of fun. I did amazing things, like throw up at house parties, smoke blunts with my friends, you know the typical children shit children like to do or should I say teenagers. My English teacher in tenth grade never showed me any attention. Never imagined that I would end up being somebody. But let me tell you I’m gunna end up being somebody whether you like it or not. I swear! I’m only 29 years old. Haha. Lemme tell you asylum ain’t no fun. All I wanna do is seee Breanna. Did I tell you grandma died last April. She was a strong tough woman. Well beyond her years . She used to tell Mitchy that he should always stay on his meds. Never not take your meds. You never know what could happen if you don’t take your meds. Total collapse. Well I haven’t been taken those DAMN MEDS! O.K. stop leave me be, I’m in the south now. That’s not what they’re accustomed to down here. Wynonna Springs knows all that I banter about. They seem to help but I don’t know.

Back and forth, back and forth. Joseph didn’t see it coming. He felt Mitchell wasn’t safe . He never foreseen his nephew taking the dive down south. But he left New York at 22 after his accident. It’s been some time for Joey. He has been married to Mitchell’s mother for over 9 years now. Never Joey could understand what Mitchells problem was. Joey always knew that Mitchell loved him, but he never thought Mitchell would try to take his own life on March 5th 2012. Go go go was always Joeys way when communicating with Mitch. Tough love, for heck hey Joey was a military man. But for some reason on November 9th 2019. Joey decided to pick up the phone, who he was calling, it was a mystery.

Sunday November 10th 2019. Breanna woke up at 6:00 AM to find that her mom was in the living room crying. Breanna never understood why uncle Mitchell wasn’t there in New York with them. GOSH DARN. Breanna was bright and atathletic . She never knew her uncle mitchy all she knew was that he was her 29 year old uncle, was taking meds, and not been able to think straight since the fall at 22.

Cally was exhausted. It was a long year for her. She was going in and out of rehab for the last 8 months. When Mitchell was stuck in the asylum. Cally had a love for Mitchell. She loved him. She thought the world of him. But he never had the courage to ask her to leave rehab and run away with him. Cally loved Mitch so much that she even waited for him to get out of asylum to stay single . All this has been going on and at the same time she was struggling with drugs and alcohol. Mitchell she would think. How much she loved him, but it didn’t feel natural. Even though Mitchell was amazing, it didn’t feel natural anymore. Something has changed.

Ahhhhhh

NO NO NO. Mitchell slammed the door. WTF. I have no more freedom. This fucking sponsor made me take down facebook, instagram and tinder. I’m gunna loose my mind, or did I already? I didn’t know? Is this a good bye who the fuck knows. Well theres no more spirit anymore. I’m fucked. Loser loser. Hey by the way. The girls probally hate me because I open up my mouth too much. The guy that wastes opportunity that’s what I am. A fucking idiot. Nobody’s gunna love me if I stop now. I’m a total jackass.

Jacksonville is enthralling let me tell you. Yeah something mentally wrong here. To listen to a sponsor who’s mentally gas lighting me. With no plan? I never have a plan. How do writers even write anyway. Its all or nothing for me pal. Let’s see what I got. I’ll fight fight fight it’s not gunna come easy either. I gotta break outta this prison in my mind. Tara seemed to envy me. But now I ain’t gunna get drunk anymore because I have a psychopath as a sponsor. A devil psychopath. I beg the good lord to give me clarity. I sincerely beg him. What am I going to do now. I didn’t even mention Hailey did I, shes the light of the forest! I hope she can forgive me for all the damage this sponsor has done to my life. You see I just want to get loaded and make love and have kids. But deep down inside I’m a coward. Deep deep deep down.

It all started when Antoine moved down the block. I loved him. He never told me that though. He used to beat the fuck out of me. I never knew why I didn’t have the courage to stand up to him. Antoine and I went to school together. Westcreek, Duval and West Highlands High School. Antoine never liked that I was better looking then him. He always saw me as a threat. Around a certain time when Rick and Antoine teamed up on me to pierce my ear I said I’m outta here. Yeah I said it. Rick’s a pro player now and he sucks! Yea I said it. He sucks! I’m a Yankees fan anyway. Funny thing Is Rick played on the Dodgers growing up. But now is on the Giants .But Freddy became my best friend through all the abuse. Did I mention all I wanna do is drink a bottle of liquor. Jameson on the rocks to be exact. Yea I’m fed up.

Too make a long story short. Stop right there. Valeriei told us this isn’t a game.TJ exclaimed your gunna loose your son TJ exclaimed I believed in physics and sorcery. Something’s not right with Mitchell, he hit his head, all she wanted from Mitchell was to be fine.

December 14th 2019

The Army-Navy game is on , ecstatic! He exclaimed. I’ve been preparing for this for the last month and a half this is going to be my superstitious way of getting out of this sponsor, sponsee relationship. Hell has frozen over on Mitchell’s mind after Grandma died. He doesn’t know how to write, he doesn’t know how to express. He feels lost. He doesn’t know how to be anything. Right now he thinks that he thinks that this is going to be his one way ticket out of the south. He keeps attracting himself to these psychopaths. The law of attraction. Witches novel. What can he do. What can he do anymore. More and more pressure. It’s like slavery . Fuck I’m 29 years old. Not ready yet. Fall all in love with so many woman. Deep down inside is this warm and funny guy who wants to come out of the prison that he created. Though what can I say about this. Am I even a good writer? Now cigarette after cigarette. Ill tell you what. Every fiber in my being doesn’t want to be locked in.

So I just seen Tara. What a distraction. I cant believe all these distractions. I cant do anything anymore because of this hex put on me by The Prince should I mention. That is really holding me. I cant believe this shit. I’m stuck in Jacksonville and my world has been turned upside down. You try to tell me what’s going on. You try! I didn’t know what I really am the dought. The fucking doubt. 29 years old or should I say 20. Yeah I said 20 years old. I’m gunna piss the old man off now so let me go

Eddie! Eddie! Eddie ! How glad I am to see you in this new 21st century world. 21 st century let me tell you. 21st century. 2019. That’s 2019. Am I gunna tell the old grumpy man. “shit for brains" or am I gunna stay locked in spiritual jail. That’s what they like to call it spiritual jail or evil spirits. Take your pick. Don’t know what’s good for me anymore. Sincerely I don’t really know. Am I even a good chess player? I would like to solve the puzzle Pat Sajak. You win. I surrender. That’s the joke. That’s the serious joke. That I’ve been living these past oh so let me see 15 years ! 9 years I’ve been trying to get sober, that’s a long time. Let’s get to the bottom of it . I’m 29 year old Mitchell. Good looking guy locked in bondage of A.A. sobriety. That’s all I have is the Big Book of alcoholics anonymous to stay sober or should I say facebook. Is this even a fun challenge.

EDDIE EDDIE EDDIE. Here I go with the superstition again…

April 17th 2019. The end of a decade. The end of an epic decade. Damn you. Damn you that’s what mother would say. The decade is over. The decade is over. The decade is over . 2010 to 2019. Hallelujah hallelujah the decade is over. The decade is over . The decade is over . Emotional sobriety or logical science. 2010 the beginning of 2010 ended with a relationship with Rara.

Then it proceeded to the wild chase of 2011. March 2011 to be exact. Escaping a high speed cop car chase and a helicopter looking for me. That was OxyContin. Reverse the OxyContin days. Then let me tell you about….2012. The jump from the 2 and a half story window. Sponsor (the old grumpy man) wants me to read A.A. literature, yes that’s what I said A.A. literature, A.A. literature Page25 there is a solution, 86 when we retire at night, and 416-417 on acceptance. Yea that’s the magic of the big book. That’s the magic of the working hands. Oh how has time passed me by horrendously. I’m so depressed this is the second coming of an evil enterprise.

Cally waited patiently as she exited the detox center a good 5 days after them letting her out. Her first thought was should I have that sip. She wanted to drink so bad. She truly did. But something inside of her told her not to do it. The whole world is turned upside down. The whole world is. She didn’t do it. She resisted. This was the start of her journey into “sobriety”. Yes that’s it. Sobriety sobriety sobriety. The most beautiful thing on planet earth.

Yay yay yay. Schools starting soon. I don’t know to think about uncle Mitchell anymore. Breanna thought to herself, her remorse was no existent. She cared for him, but it was cold and distant. Real shit, that shit was real shit. Let me explain something about this shit to you. Let me explain something about this shit to you. It’s not ok TO wonder.

The little boy at the meeting seemed to worry about me a lot. The little boy at the meeting and Spike. RIDS. Restless irritable and discontent syndrome. That’s what they like to call it.

Is this phone call going to interrupt my writing. Am I going to be labelled as a looney?

Retardation. Am I a retard? I don’t know but I have to go along with it. I must be retarded for picking a sponsor with so many opinions. That’s the truth. I have this belief that everything is trying to control you. I mean everything! Yes I ruin everything! Autism. Do I really have autism. I must have that shit. I shit you not. I must have that shit.

Mitchell. Mitchell. Mitchell. Wake up. It’s time to go get coffee.

Superstition, and pessimism was the root cause of this all along. DON’T SAY I HAVE AUTISM! I DON’T HAVE AUTISM! I DON’T HAVE AUTISM!

I DON’T HAVE IT!

I DON’T FUCKING HAVE IT STOP!!

Science and literature has always been Mitchell’s favorite. Has always been. Has always been Mitchell’s favorite. I shit you not! I shit you not.

stigma
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Mike Dorr
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