Addiction Destroys Families

Cocaine, whether it is snorted, shot in the veins, or smoked from a pipe has a long lasting affects on the loved ones of addicts. I know a man who used to smoke crack, and he had a different ring tone for all of his buddies. When you were around him and certain ring tones went off, his demeanor changed. You could tell if it was a dealer, or a fellow addict trying to score. Years later after this man had cleaned himself up I would be in a store and hear a certain ring tone and recall his actions. I know a young woman who said that their cable was turned off many times when one of her parents was using cocaine. She was a teenager and would have to go to sleep listening to Mash on the local channel. Now decades later she says that whenever she hears the Mash theme song, those memories of not having cable TV come back, and the reason why.

I once lived in a neighborhood where far too many people smoked crack. I would see them day and night walking the streets looking like zombies. I noticed that whenever people were seeking the drug without success, they would have a look on their face that was dark, as if they would slit your throat if you simply said hello. To this day, when I am out and about, and I recognize that look on people I get a cold chill. I know people who jump when they hear a knock at the door, because when their adult children were using cocaine, there were knocks at all hours of the day or night. Drug users, dealers, and sometimes the police were showing up, and it became a nightmare for them.

A young man recently shared with me that he is trying hard to get over a period when his stepfather was smoking crack, and would come home stinking and yelling at his mother. He says that when he is around anyone with a similar odor it goes all over him. Many women have shared the tale of living the Rick James song "Give it to me baby." In this tune James comes home after being out all night, and expects some loving. Some wives tell of their spouses basically forcing sex on them and say it felt like rape.

One of the worst tales that I have heard is from spouses and children who have walked in on the act of their loved one shooting up, snorting, or sucking on the crack pipe. These individuals were not previously aware, or did not know for certain, and they were shocked. The addiction had gravitated to a point where the individual did not care any more, and began doing in front of family what once was hidden. I have had people tell me that years later, they can see a TV commercial or a program that depicts drug paraphernalia, and they cringe because it brings back bad memories.

I had a relative who lived in our home for a short time and began stealing money and other items for a drug habit. He has been clean for over a decade but my children say they will never allow him to be alone in their homes because they still remember the CDs, Cameras, clothing, and other items that he stole to furnish his habit. At one point this relative was homeless and asked to stay with us, and I cried because I had to say no. My youngest son who was a teenager begged me not to bring this family member back, because he did not want to relive the horror of not sleeping and always watching out.

We all are the sum total of our experiences, and those who have dealt with family or friends who used drugs are affected in ways they don't even realize. One woman told me her therapist said it is a form of PTSD, because the loved ones are experiencing Post traumatic stress from situations that are long past. It should not be, but sadly it happens, and all anyone can do is take one day at a time trying to live through it.