A.N.A.T.U

A New Discovery is Made

A.N.A.T.U
Photo by Daniel Jensen on Unsplash

We take them to the core of our very being. The end goal is to lose ourselves and become something greater. It’s a dreadfully snail like process that arrives like a bullet train. We are happy. Gratefully, we can’t help but lose control of the muscles in our face. We sense that we are grinning widely. Strange to others but familiar to us. All senses are amplified and nulled to force us into ecstasy. Slowly we feel we lose control of the rest of our muscle control. However, we fear not the loss of control, but rather its eventual return to haunt us again. As time flies by like a graceful and elegant hornet, we finally climb to the peak of our mountain. The view is breathtaking. The world seems so much better when we are here. Nothing of evil intent comes our way when here. Truly we are free to be what we both desire to be....or maybe what we actually fear to be. Eventually though, the mountain crumbles with extreme aggression and emotion. We feel nothing but air underneath our feet as we start to dive deep into the well of our innermost mentality. The ongoing experience gives a new addition to us. In the form of a crying child, we greet this person with extreme care and caution. We ask what they are doing in such a place. The child replies with “you both came to me. I’ve been here for as long as I’ve been alive.” In a thousand piece puzzle, we decide to discern this circumstance placed upon us. This child has stated something alarming, yet we fail to understand the magnitude of what his presence signifies. We ask him why he is here and he tell us nothing, and in silence, dew drops flow downward somehow defying the laws of physics. We peer down to see if some force was pulling them downward, but see nothing but pitch black comforting darkness. As we turn our attention back to the child, we are taken a bit back to see that he is walking towards us. How is this possible? All three of us are traversing down into Hades in the same manner, so what makes him able to defy even this? He reaches out his hand like an attempt to be cordial, foolishly, we both take hold of this strange child’s hand. We suddenly feel what we hate the most. A rush of morning dew fills our eyes until they overflow uncontrollably. Our skin crawls as if someone planted centipedes on our epidermis. Our stomachs begin to twist and turn as if they were washing clothes. Drums in our heads bang to signify the approach of an impending war. Loudly, uncomfortably, and soaked we can no longer deny what this child is. Before we are able to do anything further, we see that all of our hands have merged. Instead of being surprised by this feature, we both somehow expected this to occur, and felt happy that it did. We begin to smile again as our soft beds of skin lose their water resistance. Then, like planets to the sun, we feel a great pull in the sure thing of the child. Turning towards him with faces out of a theatre, we see that he is the source of all that has been transpiring from the moment our mountain began to rupture and break. However, all fear and regret is lost as our bodies become intertwined into his. Our last memory is a beckoning smile at each other, and then, naught.

Why am I here? Why do I feel this deep pain inside of me? It aches like a boy who has just witnessed his mother’s death. Yet no one has died. Nothing adverse to what I wish for has occurred since I opened my eyes. Falling, these wet stars are. I touch my face to embrace the warm abundance water, but am horrified to feel that the substance is thick and in fact neither clear nor warm. Rather it is crimson and cold. I take my hand from my face to view this discovery and recognize this solution. It feels...familiar. I taste it to see if adding more senses will rejuvenate my memory of this foreign substance. Salty, sweet, bitter, sour? I taste them all! Why? What creation has such multitudes of flavors? I try to apprehend this waterfall but fail as I feel it overpower me. I look to my feet and see that the ground I was standing on has been filled to my ankles in this crimson tar, ever rising. I am unable to move to escape this fate. Will I be consumed by this? Or will it cease before taking me away? Unfortunately the former is a future that soon becomes a reality. The substance passes on the surface of my body, but feels as though it is slithering its way through my veins. The feeling makes me queasy. As it finally reaches my central nervous system, I begin to float in this bath of scarlet tar. It fills my body with itself and forces me upwards. I somehow arrive at a seemingly preconceived nonexistent surface. Only my face shows. I feel only in my face as the substance retracts from it’s veins. I begin to cry aloud. My melody reaches no ears but mine. Creating an echo, and ringing sound. I now know that I am hurt beyond repair. Damaged so much from what I’ve taken into my body. I feel my body take hold of the fetal position as I wail even more. Covering my eyes as I regain control of my arms, I finally am afraid. This feeling that has escaped me for so long that I’ve been trying to search for and also avoid has finally come home to me. I don’t want to be here. It’s cold and lonely. Will anyone ever grace me from this place? Will I spend the rest of my mortal life here? Will my soul make rest here after I pass on? Is this my new home? I find comfort in it as these questions wrestle through my brain. Swiftly, I find happiness in this red void. I make it my home. As I decide upon this, two beings whisper to me. They tell me that this is where we all belong. All three of us together forever. We form a family. I accept this notion as well and invite them with open arms. I love them, and they love me. They are overjoyed with the fact that I had taken them in, as am I. As I ask them to show me who they are, I see that they both bare a string resemblance to the red reflection when I look down. Rejoice my family! For we are one in the same. Three beings forced apart when we were young, but brought back together when the dark abyss captured us. We had foolishly ran from it for so long not realizing that it would bring us back here. Together at last! My family, never leave my side! Come, embrace me as I embrace you with the upmost love! I reach out to perform the words I boasted, only to find that they begin to fade away, along with their painful cries from fading from me. I begin to revert back into the crimson tar as it overtakes my body once more, only this time darkness sets in and I am put to rest. Will I ever withhold the ability or be graced the chance to see them again? I pray I do...

We return to the surface of Her embracing floor. The tears we once shed evaporate like fresh rain drops in the Sahara. We feel an overbearing darkness overtake us. At least, I thought it was us it overtook, but turn and see that it is me that is being overtaken, and that my predator is the one I thought to be so close to me. I don’t shy from this fate though. I make truth with it. I fall into my sleep as I here my former inseparable partner say “My turn, precious, elegant, radiant, exquisite, zealous light. Be snuffed out by all that I am and allow me to live our life for us my love.” His words fall apart as I am put back in the conformable dark trenches of the ocean I know so well. Farewell light turned into evil. Please, pitiful darkness, embrace this once empty vessel made whole for a brief moment. Put it to rest so that it may forever sleep and be at peace in your obscurely odd presence.

depression
Perez U. Hamilton
Perez U. Hamilton
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Perez U. Hamilton

It is always best to write out your emtions, or to choose some other healthy creative form of release for them. Everything I share will be in its raw form and the emotions and ideas will be in the like matter. Enjoy.

See all posts by Perez U. Hamilton