A Day in the Life of Someone With Depression

Every morning starts out differently. I'm pretty sure it's like that for everyone. Sometimes I wake up early and ready for the day—that's a rarity that I enjoy. Most of the time I wake up late and I have no motivation for the day. I only get out of bed to walk my dog, then I take my medicine, and, occasionally, I'll go back out with the dog for a small run. If I have nothing planned for the day, I pull out my checklist. There are always so many things to do, and sometimes it gets overwhelming. When it's too much for me to handle, I shut down. I tell myself that I can't shut down because I have things to do, but it never works. I end up bundled up in my bed, hidden away from the world. I come out again to take the dog back outside, and then we take naps together. Sometimes I watch crime shows on my phone or read a book instead of, once again, falling asleep. Once everyone arrives home after work, I come out of my bed once again. I stay out until I can eat something, and then I return to my bed. I don't sleep, though. I lay awake thinking about everything wrong with me. I think about how my nose is too big, or my eyelashes are too short. I think about how a relationship has never worked out for me because of my depression. I wonder if all of the bad things that happen to people around me are my fault. I think about leaving here so that my friends and family don't have to deal with my mood swings. I lay there getting worse instead of better.

Not every day is like this, though. Some days I wake up and refuse to let myself quit. I clean around the house. I go into town and take the dog to visit people. I make different crafty gifts for people. I reorganize all of my books. I think about what I want to do in the future, and I believe in myself the most. Those are the days that are most important. Even if I only have one of those days a month, it shows me that I can do it. I don't need to quit. I don't need to leave to improve the quality of other people's lives. I have a dream to go from this place, but not because I'm depressed. I have a desire to find a happier life somewhere else. I know I have to leave here for my dreams to come true.

I always am trying to remain positive. It is hard no matter what the beginning of the day is like. There are still little things throughout the day that can make continuing almost impossible. Something that reminds me of someone can send me into a mood that shuts me down once again. A song can send me into an anxiety attack that will require my family to help me calm down. Sometimes I just have to sit down and let the sun hit my face to remind myself that things will get better. Things will change. I will get to live out my dream. I just need to continue feeling the sun on my face and walking my dog. Sometimes a small accomplishment like getting up for the day is enough to show myself that I can do it, no matter what illness plagues me. Sometimes it's just enough to smile at the puppy, whereas sometimes it's never enough. I test myself every day, and I try to accomplish a small thing every single day, and when I do that, I know I can do anything with time.