I've struggled with depression for pretty much my entire life. Over the years I feel as though I've gotten better at managing it but I suppose the disappointing reality is that it still feels ever present and part of me wonders if I will spend the rest of my life feeling this way.
I feel like alcohol rarely gets the recognition it deserves as one of the most destructive and detrimental creations to ever affect the human race. Maybe there's a reason for that. Booze is sneaky. It can spill into your life little by little and before you know it, you're drowning.
Have you ever met someone who never seemed to be fully sober? They may have an overall cloud of melancholy around them, may have health problems that involve alcohol as a root of the problem, and are generally just not doing too well. Straight up, most of the people who are like this are addicted to alcohol.
If you've been following my writing, then you know I'm a party animal. Though many people would say that partying isn't good for you, I'll beg to differ. I think that partying has a lot to teach you – particularly when it comes to social skills.
As I reach for my third water bottle within the hour to cure my killer hangover, I think back to the vague events of the night before. I scroll through my camera roll at the numerous pictures taken to help my memory. Cheeks pressing together with big smiles pass by, live photos capture stumbling dancers. The next photo is one of me by myself, and from the first glance at my eyes, low and red, I get an intrusive thought, one that has haunted me for years: Am I becoming my father’s daughter? After a decade of watching his internal battle with alcohol addiction, I have suppressed numerous lingering questions that have perplexed my subconscious. The one that stumps me the most, may be the most significant one to find an answer to: Is alcohol addiction a choice or a disease?
I hate being the only one not drinking. I hate the awkward silences and muffled whispers when you announce your sobriety for the night and people awkwardly start to shuffle away from you. I mean, you would want to distance yourself from a weirdo too right? That’s exactly how my thought process used to be... Until I actually tried being the only one not drinking.