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My Ex-Boyfriend is Gay?!

My coming out story

By Bob's BlobPublished 2 months ago 6 min read
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My Ex-Boyfriend is Gay?!
Photo by Cecilie Johnsen on Unsplash

My ex-boyfriend and I came out of the closet together. It wasn’t at all intentional, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I didn’t find any humor in it until our mutual friends started to make jokes about it. Now it’s one of the funniest coincidences of my life. The only guy I’ve ever dated ended up coming out as a feminine gay male. And I came out as a lesbian. If that doesn’t show you that I like a more feminine quality in my partners then I don’t know what will.

As some of you may already know from my previous articles, I came out at 13 years old. Coming out for me didn’t feel like I’d hit a milestone in my journey. I didn’t feel proud to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community. I was without a computer or free reign of the tv, making it hard to find representation. My family wasn’t necessarily against the community, but they avoided the topic. Being LBGTQ+ was viewed as strange or taboo.

The year building up to my grand moment was confusing and stressful. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up after dating for nine months. I knew I wasn’t attracted to males physically or romantically, which was evident in our relationship. I was relieved when we finally decided to call it quits. I just couldn’t see myself with a man and I was okay with that. At the time, the only other option was to be alone. Or so I thought.

Then my mom started to ask questions.

“Are you gay?”

My mom always asked while she drove, trapping me in the car with no escape. I remember how suffocating the tension in the air would get. I’d always consider opening the door and jumping, but I knew the aftermath wasn’t worth it. Instead, I forced myself to awkwardly cough out a laugh and a quick but simple no. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to derail her suspicion. At one point I’m sure she asked once or twice a week. Constantly pushing and pushing and pushing until I eventually broke, “I don’t know.”

Except I did know.

I knew that I had no interest in men. I’d rather die alone than marry a man, no offense to the guys reading this. When I went through my Twilight phase in middle school, I knew I was neither team Edward nor Jacob. And when my friends would ask me, I’d lie and say Jacob because my favorite animal is the wolf. Little did they know that I was actually infatuated with Bella.

(This is interesting now because I’d pass Kristen Stewart.)

The day I officially came out wasn’t planned. I say “officially” because people pretty much knew at this point, I just wasn’t willing to admit it. I can’t remember the day or time, it was so long ago. I’m sure I was locked in my bedroom when my ex-boyfriend messaged me. After our breakup, we decided to just stay friends and we’d gotten pretty close over the months. I remember holding my breath as I read his text.

Brandyn: “I think I’m gay…”

To this day I haven’t exactly distinguished the feelings that flooded me at that moment. It was an unusual mixture of relief, anxiety, and motivation. Relief because someone finally understood how I felt. The confusion, the pressure, the need to know for sure…all of it. It was nice to finally relate to someone. I think the anxiety came from me realizing that I had something important to tell him too. He would be the first person to know. His bravery to tell me is what motivated me to reply with:

Me: “I think I’m gay, too.”

Soon after that, we decided to tell our friends. You can imagine their surprise when we told them that we liked the same gender, considering that we’d dated. I knew they were supportive of the LGBTQ+ community so I wasn’t worried about their reactions. I remember a few of them being a little awkward about it, but they were understanding for the most part.

I waited to tell my family until I started seeing my first girlfriend. I decided to tell them separately and using different methods, that way we’re both comfortable and I could answer individual questions easier. I told my mom first. I was so nervous I had to tell her over a text message. Kind of sad, huh? I don’t necessarily regret doing that, but I do wish I could’ve seen her initial reaction to the news. She came to my room and we talked about it that same day. To sum it up, she thought I was just going through a phase but she still loved me.

To avoid the confrontation, I just left it at that and moved on.

Next, I told my younger sister. I decided to keep it simple and just say it one day. She was definitely shocked and I don’t think she knew how to react. My older brother found out soon after when I casually mentioned it during a conversation.

My dad was the last person to find out. I never got to tell him directly, since my mom decided to break the news to him. We’ve never talked about it and I think we both prefer it that way. I don’t want to make it into a bigger deal than it needs to be. If he has questions, he knows he can ask them, and vice versa.

Overall, my coming out experience was fairly good. I didn’t get any hate initially. For the most part, people tried to be understanding and supportive. I’m still very grateful to of had my best friend by my side throughout all of it. It helped to know that someone is always on my side. Even if our friends completely rejected us or members of our family disowned us. In a way, he’s like my second brother.

One thing I didn’t expect from coming out is how emotionally exhausting it ended up being. Don’t let that discourage you, because it was completely worth it. Probably the best decision I could’ve made at the time. I not only formed an unbreakable bond with my best friend, but I was finally able to breathe. If you’re planning to come out or you are out and just feeling the pressures of the world around you, just know it does get easier.

Remember: Nothing good will come without a little hard work and some support.

So find your truest friends and hold onto them. Just know that I’m here for you as well, even though we don’t know each other. And keep in mind that our hardships shape us into who we are. Take the time to learn and grow from your experiences, whether they’re positive or negative.

Thanks for the read, crew!

(P.S. What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-ntain.)

(P.P.S I’m sorry.)

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About the Creator

Bob's Blob

I'm sure you've guessed that my name is not actually Bob. My name is Kaitlyn, nice to meet you. I'm sure you know 3+ of us. According to Google, there's 66

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